No show at work colleagues' wedding reception

[Froggy246]

Is it really bad to not show up at a work colleagues wedding reception? I don't think it was a place name situation, just a buffet type set up with disco. I just couldn't face it yesterday, didn't have the strength. I'll probably text today and say it was either because my boyfriends' grandmother died (which she did about 2 weeks ago) or that he was really sick.
Hopefully it went unnoticed, I'm dreading Monday though and having to repeat my made up excuse to everyone and getting all the 'your not going to fit in here' looks.
Anyone done anything like that before?

 

[nicole1]

I always say have a good excuse for this type of stuff. I've missed tons of events and I didn't say anything. Most recently my niece's birthday. I stopped explaining my absences to people as I feel that events are optional. Get her a gift card and just apologize for not being there. The gift card would show it as sincere...

 

[mikebird]

Today is my esteemed schoolmate's wedding

I turned down my invite months ago, amid heavy dilemma, confirmed in May

I used logic in my last apperance at many marriages, showing myself up a bit. Nobody wants a single, unemployed man at any wedding. I've done them all a favour

It's the deep end of social events

Last one was my oldest niece's wedding, while there has been other's niece's, and I know the status of not welcome with my family

At both my brothers' but one of their 1st wedding was before I was born

My deepest and longest relationship with a girlfriend is married which I didn't know about

Took a current best girlfriend (now elapsed) to the reception of good student friend's wedding
years ago

 

[Odo]

Yes, I have… and I tend to feel guilty and alone, but I also end up feeling guilty and alone if I do go.

I always end up telling myself that not going is probably the better option overall-- because then at least nobody else is witnessing my ineptitude and feeling bad about my not having a good time, and I can stay home or go somewhere alone and not feel quite as bad about everything (at least until I see someone who went and they guilt trip me over not going).

 

[Froggy246]

I always say have a good excuse for this type of stuff. I've missed tons of events and I didn't say anything. Most recently my niece's birthday. I stopped explaining my absences to people as I feel that events are optional. Get her a gift card and just apologize for not being there. The gift card would show it as sincere...

Thanks yes I was thinking just that! I'll buy my way out of it.

Yes, I have… and I tend to feel guilty and alone, but I also end up feeling guilty and alone if I do go.

I always end up telling myself that not going is probably the better option overall-- because then at least nobody else is witnessing my ineptitude and feeling bad about my not having a good time, and I can stay home or go somewhere alone and not feel quite as bad about everything (at least until I see someone who went and they guilt trip me over not going).

So true, it's kind of a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation! But as you say sometimes more damned if you do. I could have gone and be having flash backs for days.

Yep it sure is the deep end of social events.

 

[mikebird]

Yes, I have… and I tend to feel guilty and alone, but I also end up feeling guilty and alone if I do go.

I always end up telling myself that not going is probably the better option overall-- because then at least nobody else is witnessing my ineptitude and feeling bad about my not having a good time, and I can stay home or go somewhere alone and not feel quite as bad about everything (at least until I see someone who went and they guilt trip me over not going).

By saying this, you reinforce my decision and make me feel a lot better
Withdrawing attendance does hurt - I think it's good, all round!
Nobody will suffer

 

[Odo]

By saying this, you reinforce my decision and make me feel a lot better
Withdrawing attendance does hurt - I think it's good, all round!
Nobody will suffer

Yeah-- to be honest I think it's flat-out narcissistic to think that you're so important to their little get together that your not being there is going to be a big deal. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean-- I refuse to believe that attending these events is as big of a deal as some people make it out to be either before or after I don't go.

To be honest I think some people (usually extroverts) have this annoying need to make you feel integral to their social experiences-- like they think they're being nice or giving you a compliment by acting that way. I think it's probably because they themselves need to be the center of attention and don't understand when others are not like them… and sometimes they don't understand to the point of getting upset, which is just ridiculous.

I'm still the same person I was before you invited me… if someone wants to be my friend/respect my wishes then they should understand that these kinds of things aren't my bag and not going to them isn't a sign of disrespect… if they want to hang out in a smaller group sometime and have a meaningful conversation then I'm all for it but being stuck in a room full of people indulging their implied commonalities without any sense of the larger dysfunctional reality and prattling on with endless amounts of small talk with no way out is my idea of the perfect hell.

Seriously, if I go to hell one day I fully expect the devil to open the fiery gates and there I will be greeted by an enormous crowd of familiar faces that I've never actually connected with, and they'll ask me how I've been and what I'm doing with myself, whether or not I have a girlfriend and why and when is it going to happen, and then after a few extremely blunt and to-the-point answers they'll ask how the weather is in my corner of hell and then get awkward and leave-- and it will be like that forever and ever, a group of utterly b**** human beings approaching for an extremely short conversation and then getting upset or spacing out or just nodding their head with an empty smile when I try to steer it out of the realm of small talk or gossip into something that's actually important or interesting or meaningful to me.

Hey I guess that was quite a tangent for a newbie.

 

[Froggy246]

Seriously, if I go to hell one day I fully expect the devil to open the fiery gates and there I will be greeted by an enormous crowd of familiar faces that I've never actually connected with, and they'll ask me how I've been and what I'm doing with myself, whether or not I have a girlfriend and why and when is it going to happen, and then after a few extremely blunt and to-the-point answers they'll ask how the weather is in my corner of hell and then get awkward and leave-- and it will be like that forever and ever, a group of utterly b**** human beings approaching for an extremely short conversation and then getting upset or spacing out or just nodding their head with an empty smile when I try to steer it out of the realm of small talk or gossip into something that's actually important or interesting or meaningful to me.

:lol: I love it, hilarious.