#41
Sacrament said: ↑You could say 'bummed' instead of sad. This way they'll know that not responding affected you, but at the same time didn't affect you to a point where you're actually sad.
#42
#43
Sacrament said: ↑Depends on what it is. If you asked a legitimate question about something you didn't know and wanted them to help you with that subject, you could just say something like "btw, you never got to give me your input on [insert subject]. No big deal but I was just wondering 🙂"
There are plenty of ways to do it, it's just a matter of using your imagination and trying not to appear needy or desperate for attention/conversation.
#44
#45
Sacrament said: ↑I meant legitimate as in a question that actually needed answering, like 'hey what was that actor from that one movie'?
You can appear not to be needy or clingy by not being too forward with the way you speak (the suggestions I gave you are examples of that). Saying you were bummed that they didn't respond is different than saying it made you sad. Constantly messaging people or bothering them when they're clearly not as motivated to chat as you are is also considered needy and irritating.
#46
#47
Sacrament said: ↑You could ask something like 'did you get my last message? My browser crashed and I don't know if it went through. Also, I'm still curious about your thoughts on (subject). Thanks 🙂'. Rephrase this last part according to the topic you want to discuss.
#48
#49
Sacrament said: ↑I suppose an example would be "Hey there. I was wondering if you got my last message. My browser crashed and I don't know if got through. Very interested in knowing your opinion on [subject goes here], whenever you have the time. Thanks 🙂"
There's really no right or wrong way to go about it, as long as you're polite and not too pushy, and also as long as you're clear about the message you want to convey, etc. For instance, someone who's constantly saying "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you" or other self-depricating things will probably be more likely to make the other person lose interest, as people are attracted to genuine confidence.
#50
#51
Sacrament said: ↑I can't phrase something without knowing the subject. I'm sure you'll find a way, though. The main point is to not be too pushy and kindly ask if they received the message, and ask again if necessary. If they're still not responding, then it's probably best to move on to someone else.
#52
Marc7 said: ↑At least you have friends, I don't have anybody I consider a friend yet. And I experience sadness seeing people hanging out with there friends and loved ones. I have the desire to make friends but my procrastination, motivation, fear of revealing secrets, fear of giving my opinions, not knowing how to say, and not knowing how to make friends gets in the way. I think people would like you if you try to become their friends. It's okay to rant here.
#54
Sacrament said: ↑Like I said, try saying something like the part where your browser crashed, and then add "also, I was wondering what your thoughts were on [subject], since you didn't get to reply to that part of the message. Thanks! 🙂"
#55
Cetnien said: ↑Hey, I know what you mean by the fear of making friends but sometimes you got to take a step forward and just be yourself. Okay that was kind of a lame thing to say but I've too have thoughts of not wanting to fully express myself to others and possibly its because I fear they won't accept me because of my past self. But the truth is, friends are actually closer than you think and it takes time to fully trust someone. But anyways, remember this...people don't always see the vision of your world and sometimes we seem to believe a projectile of ourselves in way where we think they won't accept us but in all honesty...you can probably learn a thing or two about them and see that they might not be actually implying or reacting in the way you think. So what I can tell you is take baby steps and then work your way up. Anyone can make friends if they try!
#56
Marc7 said: ↑Can you say something like I was wondering your thoughts on that part of the message because I don't think that would make sense if my browser crashed if I got the full message already imo?
#57
#58
Sacrament said: ↑Or you can say that you were sending them a message but your browser crashed and you don't know if it sent.
Either way, it's gonna depend on context and the message you're trying to convey. Trust your own judgment and find ways that don't sound pushy or 'annoying'. You can ask them bluntly if they want to keep chatting or not, and add 'it's fine either way 🙂' at the end so as not to show bitterness or any sort of negative feelings.
#59
Looking at yourself is good though, as that is something you can control. Being aware of how you come off can help a lot in understanding why people react how they do. So basically, if we're talking about something textual, like a pm, message, or a post, I'll write it out, read it back, and try to get an idea of what impression it gives, and the content of the message. Is it clever? Smart? Funny? Helpful? Tasteful? Mean? Boring? TL;DR? Hard to follow? Understanding? Worth reading?
After I've figured all that out, I then circle back and see if that is what I intended, the goal of the message. So if I was sending a message that I hoped would lead to a response, I would first make sure that A) it has something to respond to and B)that it is something that the person would want to respond to. A good starting point for this is asking yourself what messages you are most likely to reply to, and why. When I ask myself that question, I know I like to talk about things I find interesting. Or give me a thought experiment and I'll go on and on about potential solutions and the issues with each.
So if I was sending a message to someone I wanted to be friends with, I'd first look for things in common with them. On a website like this, I'd comb through their posts to get an idea of who they are and what they like, as well as anything from their profile. Their avatar. Username. Things that tell me about the person. And I'd incorporate some of these things into it. And if I didn't know any of those things, I'd make an effort to learn what they are.
So there's the content half, making sure I have what I want in the message, such as things to talk about, nice things about the other person, things about myself, etc. The other big one is HOW I'm saying it. I think how you say things online says a lot about you. Being easy to follow and understand is very different than TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND TXT SPK 4 LOOOOONG PARAGRAPHS. That's the reason I read it back and try to get a feel of it. I'll read posts here, for example, and get an idea of person based on how they type, how they present their ideas. Some are a lot more logical and conscience, with others being more fun and crazy. And some being very Scottish *cough* Graeme1988 *cough* Doing this can help with your worry about coming off as needy. Do you read it and feel "wow, this person desperately wants me to reply." If it's how you actually feel, odds are it is how it comes off, to be honest. Two ways to get around that could be either not being as needy (which can be hard) or to imagine yourself as someone who isn't, and type out your message as that person. Try to be a version of yourself you like, on present yourself as such. Definitely be yourself still, just make an effort to downplay the qualities you don't want to give off and up-play the ones you do.
Now I feel I'm starting to rant, but that's where I start when sending messages, or typing out posts. I read over this one a couple times, and hope it was helpful. I know I could have been more complete but didn't want to go on and on.
DFTBA :thumbup:
#60