New Place Same Social Anxiety

[Rxqueen]

So I decided to move to NYC from Missouri or as I like to call it Misery because I thought a change of place would help to get me out of my shell. I've wanted to live in NYC since I was in grade school and I was actually starting to do pretty well in Misery before I left: I started hanging out with friends and going on dates, I even managed to set goals for myself and actually reach them. My plan was to go to NY find a job and apply to grad school......but now I can barely get out of the bed in the morning.....I admit it probably wasn't such a smart choice since I have no money and no job but I had an interview lined up and figured I'd get a job sooner rather than later.......

Fast forward to two months later.....I still haven't found a job.....I can't find the motivation to do anything and I have no friends or family to help to support me....I'm currently living with my aunt who actually has a life and doesn't really understand my SA...she just thinks I'm lazy when really I'm so afraid of the outside world that even thinking of going out is like putting a gun to my head and stabbing me in the gut at the same time.....Add to that the fact that I have no form of transportation besides public transportation (an SAers nightmare) and no one to talk to and you have someone that is two steps away from the ledge....looking over the edge and smiling...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! My parents don't want me back home, my aunt doesn't have time for me, and I don't have the resources to take care of myself. I know this is a long and probably boring rant but I figured I could use all the advice and help I could get....Any suggestions?

 

[Kinetik]

It seems to me like if you've exhausted all possibilities in terms of finding a job then nobody can really hold anything over your head. There's no shame in having tried what you did, especially if it was always a goal of yours to get to New York. I think if I were you I would set myself a deadline for having found something up there, maybe a month or so, but already be planning a back-up for if it doesn't work out. I guess the worst that could happen is that you have to move back with your parents temporarily and then find a job there - but then at least you'll be able to live on your own in Missouri once you do land something. You'd also have your support system back. So it's not like it would be admitting defeat - you were brave enough to chance it and get out of your rut in the south which is a victory in and of itself.

 

[Rxqueen]

Thanks for the advice......I'm thinking I'm probably gonna move back......haven't really found success anywhere....