New here and going through a lot

[solitarysiren]

Just wanted to introduce myself before I dive in. I just registered for this site and am new around here.

I've had social anxiety since I was a teenager, and I am now in my 20s. Some aspects have gotten better, but I still struggle. I managed to get through college, but I didn't have to speak all that much during the process.

Yesterday, I walked out of a job on my second day. I couldn't take it. I hadn't signed any hiring paperwork or anything like that yet, so it's not like I was far into it. Basically, the anxiety blew up, there wasn't any training per se, and I knew that I was going to be sick because of all of the socialization I would be doing. I feel lame for having left, but I did leave a note. My boss wasn't around. I would have explained in person otherwise. I guess today I am feeling down on myself because of it. My plan is to go to an employment center that also works with people who have disorders in addition to people who are just down on their luck. I'm just going to explain to them what is going on and hopefully they will help me get what I need or figure out some possible steps, whether it be a part time job that is less stressful or perhaps get set up with an organization that will accept me with my disorder. I don't want to go on disability, but maybe that is what I need to do for now. I'm not sure. If I do, I definitely want it to be temporary.

I'm numb and in shock right now. The anxiety attack I had yesterday was difficult, but I didn't hyperventilate. I was just completely immobilized and couldn't get anything done. My stomach felt sick. It has been a long time since that has happened. I think the environment and the circumstances had a lot to do with it.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? Have you left a job after a day or two? Any advice, words of encouragement, etc. would be appreciated.

 

[market.garden]

Welcome to the forum

It sounds like you're making a positive step with regards to seeing what the employment centre has to offer.

I've never walked out of a job, but I've decided last minute not to turn up to a few interviews in the past. That always put me on a downer for a while after because I'd think "What if I'd gone and got the job" kinda thing.

Just try not to dwell on it. It's in the past now so all it'll do is make you feel worse if you keep thinking about it.

 

[Srijita52]

I agree. There's no use thinking about it now, try focusing on the future instead. I hope things get better, good luck.
And welcome to the forum.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[solitarysiren]

Thanks. You're right that beating myself up over it and going over it again and again in my head won't help. All I can do is move on. I was surprised by how uncomfortable I was. At least I know that being a personal assistant who is supposed to just do whatever on the fly is definitely not for me. I haven't run out before and quit like that ever. There was one time in the past in which I quit after one day because the work environment was terrible and the job was rather far considering, but I was able to finish my shift and then call them to let them know that I wouldn't be back. This time, I couldn't even call after I left the note. I just didn't want to explain in further detail because I didn't want this person to know that something was going on with me.

I will just keep on moving forward, visit the center tomorrow for some help, and just keep doing the best I can.

 

[Sup Phyl]

Welcome to the forum.
I started looking for a new job recently and it was really daunting because I felt like I couldn't do any of them because of my anxiety. In this respect I empathise with you, how difficult it can be starting a new job.
Employers are more aware now than they were about SA, so when you start a job and they know you have anxiety issues then I'm sure they will offer all the help and support you need. I think you made a wise decision going through an employment centre. The problem I have with my current job is I didn't tell my employer I had anxiety until 4 and a half years after I started, because I didn't know. You will be fine if you are upfront with your employer so they can give you all the help you need, especially at the beginning, and after those first few days and you've settled in your anxiety should decrease.
Good luck finding a job.

 

[Ignace]

Welcome here.

 

[crazypants]

I am new also! And I just had a similar experience so I can totally relate!

I should mention that I have hyperhydrosis, so every stressful experience is caused by, or exacerbated by, how much I am sweating, and what the temperature is.

Went to a job interview last week, which was preceded by days of me building up all kinds of anxiety about it, of course. How hot will it be? Can I keep myself from sweating so much that I look like I just got out of the shower?

By the time I actually dragged myself to the interview, I had gotten myself in such a nervous state that just taking the elevator up was stressing me out. It was hot. Really hot! By the time I got in there and told the girl at the front desk that I was there, I was already getting overwhelmed. She gave me a clipboard with an application that was 6 pages long.

(btw, what is it these days with businesses that make you fill out these job applications where you have to handwrite everything that you've already sent them in your resume??)

I'm getting overheated just sitting there, stressed out, in my uncomfortable interview outfit, trying to fill out these stupid forms. Sweating. Unable to stop it. Stressing out because of the sweating. Sweating from being stressed out.

That was it. I had to escape. I told the girl at the desk that I had to cancel my appointment, and I left.

So who knows, maybe if I got that job, I would have ended up walking out on Day 2 like you! It sucks!!

 

[Srijita52]

I am new also! And I just had a similar experience so I can totally relate!

I should mention that I have hyperhydrosis, so every stressful experience is caused by, or exacerbated by, how much I am sweating, and what the temperature is.

Went to a job interview last week, which was preceded by days of me building up all kinds of anxiety about it, of course. How hot will it be? Can I keep myself from sweating so much that I look like I just got out of the shower?

By the time I actually dragged myself to the interview, I had gotten myself in such a nervous state that just taking the elevator up was stressing me out. It was hot. Really hot! By the time I got in there and told the girl at the front desk that I was there, I was already getting overwhelmed. She gave me a clipboard with an application that was 6 pages long.

(btw, what is it these days with businesses that make you fill out these job applications where you have to handwrite everything that you've already sent them in your resume??)

I'm getting overheated just sitting there, stressed out, in my uncomfortable interview outfit, trying to fill out these stupid forms. Sweating. Unable to stop it. Stressing out because of the sweating. Sweating from being stressed out.

That was it. I had to escape. I told the girl at the desk that I had to cancel my appointment, and I left.

So who knows, maybe if I got that job, I would have ended up walking out on Day 2 like you! It sucks!!

I'm sorry about what you went through.
Welcome to SPW.

 

[Hoppy]

(btw, what is it these days with businesses that make you fill out these job applications where you have to handwrite everything that you've already sent them in your resume??)

Because they like to have your handwriting analyzed to show what sort of person you are.

To make sure you get a job in a place like that become a Feng Shui practitioner or something like that.

 

[crazypants]

Because they like to have your handwriting analyzed to show what sort of person you are.

To make sure you get a job in a place like that become a Feng Shui practitioner or something like that.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised! Handwriting analysis, right after the drug test.