Need help to decode a guy, please

[innersmile]

Thought I would never post this, but I do hope someone here can give me insights.

I've known this man/guy for five years (we work together) and have always known he really likes me. Since I have my own phobias and worries, I've sort of expected from him to make the first move. Never came. So, a while ago I had to go to him with a work-related question and we started talking. He is my absolute match in everything. Though I don't agree at some point, we think and talk and even act the same. We talked for hours and hours and days and I found out he classifies as social phobic/love shy and so on. Okay.

I made up my mind and decided I will not let this one go. We changed looong e-mails, writing about what we believe and think and have learnt (like old school courting, I guess), but he never touches subjects concerning relationships or feelings. Altough I got him to a point where he was able to write these letters, even when he told me that it usually takes him a long time to write them and doesn't really like writing.

After a while I wrote him how I feel (should've told him face to face, but we have different schedules and I don't see him every day), but got a really general answer, like "I don't know how to behave", "I guess, it's not what you expect", "I will be there for you, won't run away, but ...".

He has a page for his photos, which he doesn't share with many (I believe like with two-three people). After we started talking more, he changed the titles, most of them are hints, like "Why do I love you" or "Can't get you out of my head". I've done the same thing myself, when I was younger (you know, leave hints and hope people will pick them up).

But now I just don't know what to do. Should I give up the pursuing or keep going? Should I always take the initiative or let him go. I think I've scared him a little (because fantasizing is easier than real life, right? ).

Have any of you ever been in the same situation or can you give me some insights? If I think of this situation through with me being instead of him, I know I'd be scared and try to make it disappear, altough my heart cries.

And for god's sake, we're both adults. Shouldn't it be easier as you get older?

 

[SilentBird]

I am a guy who is frightened of becoming close to someone. There is part of me that really wants to have that closeness. I am torn over the idea. Those kinds of feelings I find very intense and overwhelming. So I hide from those feelings, staying in the safety of being alone. I too get confused about how to behave. Ideally, I would need be friends with someone for quite a while before entertaining anything else.

It sounds like there is something tangible between you two and I appreciate that you have been very patient. I don't know, maybe if you softly persist he'll come round and decide to let you in. You sound like you are good for him. I guess it's a matter of how long you are willing to wait.

 

[Feathers]

In the past, I've had situations when both of us were too shy and nothing happened...
So I can understand the frustration...
You could causally ask who the photo titles are for, maybe? Then you'd see what he'd tell...?
(Sometimes girls can misread situations too, so it's better to know imo)

Usually it's better if the guy takes initiative, maybe you could see what happens if you write shorter messages/letters to him, and not so often? Then you'd see if he'd miss you and ask you to write again, or something like that?

 

[Sial Axetder]

In the past, I've had situations when both of us were too shy and nothing happened...
So I can understand the frustration...
You could causally ask who the photo titles are for, maybe? Then you'd see what he'd tell...?
(Sometimes girls can misread situations too, so it's better to know imo)

Usually it's better if the guy takes initiative, maybe you could see what happens if you write shorter messages/letters to him, and not so often? Then you'd see if he'd miss you and ask you to write again, or something like that?

Why is it better for the guy to take initiative?
I somewhat agree with the idea of writing shorter messages. But it sounds like a game to me. Why can't people just be straight to the point and direct?