Need help changing my life + My story


I'm fairly new to this forum, and I would like to share my story so hopefully someone can help me out on what to do.
This might be long but please bare with me, I really need the help.

I've been suicidally depressed for quite a while now, it started to affect the people I love.
My ex girlfriend got sick of it and decided it was time for her to move on without me.
That same day I climbed out of my window, called up my best and only friend and thanked him for spending so much time on a trainwreck like me.
I hung up and put on my favourite song on vinyl which I always used to listen to with my ex when I felt down.
Eventually the police showed up as my friend had called them because he was so worried.
The cops took me in and put me in a mental hospital for a while, untill my depression had stabilized and I was ready to face the world once again.

My best friend stopped replying to my messages and phonecalls, I kept trying untill I received a message from him telling me tha the was done with me and my negative behaviour and so I lost the last friend I had.
Instead of moving forward I stopped doing anything alltogether, I stepped out of school and became a NEET (not in education, employment or training) and spend most of my time on the internet.

I discovered buddhism not long after that, started meditating for 30 minutes every day and taught myself how to love again and decided that this feeling of accomplishment was the best thing I've felt in a long time and that I wanted to change my life around.
I started going to the gym, which later became an obsession.
I became confident about my body, and instead of walking around with my head down and my eyes towards the ground I walked upright and smiled at people I didn't even know.
My dad found me a job every saturday, and I became a bartender during the weekends.
It doesn't pay much, and it's hard work keeping all the customers statisfied when you have trouble being social.

Yet I'm not entirely satisfied with my life just yet.

1. For instance I dont have any friends yet, and I'm sick of feeling so lonely all the time.
I want to have friends, meet new people and take them somewhere to have fun.
How can I find people near me that are willing to hang out with me and do stuff?

2. I want to go back to school and make my parents proud, I'm sick of sitting in my room every day doing nothing.
I'm not sure what school to pick, as I'm afraid I will give up again.
I was thinking about getting a sports degree so I can work at a gym or something, but I'm scared that it might not be the job for me and that I'm just over-obsesing about something small again.

That's all, thanks for whoever took the time to read all of this.
I hope this gets some replies, because I'm sick of living like this.
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Hey :)

Welcome to the forum

You have a very interesting story.

I think you're doing great by the sounds of it, lots of pro -active changes.I respect all the effort you've made in turning your life around, that's really cool.

With the returning to college, I think there is only one thing to consider. What do you enjoy? What interests you? No point doing something which makes you unhappy or bores you. Afterall, returning to college is part of a bigger plan to turn your life around and give you some sense of accomplishment.

I was in a similar boat last year, decided to go back to school but I didn't know what to do. It was logical for me to choose to do English literature...but I didn't want to do it. I decided to pick up an interest I'd developed in Physics while off NEET as you put it ;). Everybody in my life called me mad and advised against it because I had never studied Science before or discussed it with them and my Science grades in school were pretty bad...but then all my school grades were bad because I never went in. But **** it lol because that's what I wanted. It makes me happy. I'm sick of thinking in words, words bore me. I did a year course a kind of preparatory course last year to test the waters, see if I was a good fit for it before committing. Top of my class and accepted into every University I applied to :) sense of accomplishment feels amazing. So whatever you choose to do, do what interests you, inspires you, occupies your mind and engages you.

I think you'll meet new friends in your pursuit of Education. Other ways to make friends include joining clubs (as you have done in the gym) and also volunteering!

I think what you're doing, gradually introducing new activities is a really good approach :thumbup: I look forward to following your posts


Well-known member
Hi, welcome. I am newbie here too.

I like the part where you say "taught myself how to love again... " I think you have changed your life in that instance and keep at it. Keep pushing yourself with Love all the things you have pointed out that you wish to have. take care!


Thanks, to both to you.
Really means allot to me that there'sstill a place for me to talk to people.
Whenever I see my ex or my best friend on Facebook posting a picture instead of feeling hatred like I used to I'm just happy they look healthy and happy.
I wish my family reconised how much I've come to terms with myself and how much happier I've become, but they want me to change my life around faster.


Pirate from the North Pole
Welcome :)

Do you have any idea what you want to as a career?

Getting into a sport that you can't do alone is also an excellent way to develop friendships at school, because you can go "hey I'm looking for a partner to play squash to evacuate some steam after the biochemistry class of tuesday afternoon, interested?" :D

You seem like you're doing great, though !


Welcome :)

Do you have any idea what you want to as a career?

Getting into a sport that you can't do alone is also an excellent way to develop friendships at school, because you can go "hey I'm looking for a partner to play squash to evacuate some steam after the biochemistry class of tuesday afternoon, interested?" :D

You seem like you're doing great, though !

Thanks, as far as mental and physiqual health goes I'm doing great.
I still spend most, if not all of my time inside though.

I'm going to get a job first for a year, this way I can do a test every 21+ year old person can do in my country that can get you a diploma right away.
That means I have much more directions to go when it comes to finding a school/job.


Well-known member
Hi Shrimp & welcome to the forum.

Keep making plans no matter what the disease does to you. The suicidal stuff haunts me constantly, but I keep pursuing new interests.

If something turns your crank, find a way to go for it! Looking back, I wanted to study astronomy/physics, but I gave up and did something else. Now I wish I had, so I am just studying it on my own, and it really brightens me up!

When you decide something amazes you, somehow even the math and science become much easier than earlier years of school. I hated math in HS, but loved it and got straight A's later on when I really needed it. It became an incredibly fun puzzle.

Hope you find what you're looking for.
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