Need advice, relationship issue...

[commenter39]

Hope i don t bore u with my story here it is: I have this girl likes evn loves me and even admits that to me.I m not in love with her altough she s ok, decent.(By the way i don t think i may fall in love with someone) Sometimes i feel lonely, think i need a girl but i m avoidant.A real one I like spending time on my own, doesn t want anyone to interfere. And i think it s more comfortable not to have a gf, hanging around as a free man. I can say i m totally undecided, one part of me says don t miss this girl and some other part wants to keep going this free life.What s your recommendation???

 

[Kinetik]

Don't do it. You're only 50/50 on it, and I don't think she'd want you to give her false hope by entering into something that you're only half-assed about. In addition, it sounds like you'd potentially spoil a good friendship. Maybe give it a little more time and see if your feelings intensify.

 

[JCVA]

Yeah definitely give some time. I have had similar situations in the past and I kinda regret passing over.

 

[Felgen]

If she's a decent girl, then give her a chance. Then you might fall in love with her once you learn more about her. However, if you're not in love with her after dating her for a short while, most likely, you'll never fall in love with her ever.

That being said, don't enter a serious relationship with her if you don't fall in love with her. You'll only exhaust yourself and not to mention hurt her feelings.

 

[OceanMist]

A lot of shy guys like me have made the mistake of putting all of our confidence in one girl, a girl that we don't love, just because we are afraid of going out in the field and searching for a girl that we do like. We are afraid of the entire procedure of getting to know new women.

I'd advise going for what you want, instead of settling for the "safe" option. Obviously, it's easier said than done.

 

[Blabla..]

It depends , if you feel that way maybe she is not the one for you ?

usually you just follow your feelings , you want to be with someone or you don't , you shouldn't get a girlfriend because you find a girl pretty or you just feel lonely , you should be with someone you feel really good with , like a really good friend , that's how i am anyways , if you want more time by yourself maybe get a girl who will understand that and give you more freedom , maybe give it a try if you feel this one is good for you ?

 

[coyote]

or maybe think about HER instead of yourself

she's a person, not a household accessory

what would be good for her in this situation?

explain how you feel to her, and let her decide whether she still feels the same way about you

 

[commenter39]

Thank you all for advices i like your different vantage points. I must say it s not about social phobia, it may be about avoidance though.I may have social phobia but it doesn t prevent me achieving something in my life.I don t have the fear of not finding another girl, my concern is that i may be happy with her and i wanna see if that s a strong possibility and if it s so i don t wanna miss it.As i said i don t think i may really FALL IN LOVE with someone so it s gonna be someone i like at most, so why not this girl. I remember one friend saying 'don t choose the girl u love, choose the one who loves u' I agree it s selfish but definetly has a point...

 

[moon_x]

I think maybe you dont love her, thats why you dont feel you want to commit. I think a part of you wants to, thats why you asking for help. You know one day, you want to stop this and be with a girl who you love. But you cant really force that feeling, if its not genuine. Some people might say, grow to love her. Maybe you can. Or maybe she isnt the one to get you on your feets. Its all about "the one"

 

[Silatuyok]

Thank you all for advices i like your different vantage points. I must say it s not about social phobia, it may be about avoidance though.I may have social phobia but it doesn t prevent me achieving something in my life.I don t have the fear of not finding another girl, my concern is that i may be happy with her and i wanna see if that s a strong possibility and if it s so i don t wanna miss it.As i said i don t think i may really FALL IN LOVE with someone so it s gonna be someone i like at most, so why not this girl. I remember one friend saying 'don t choose the girl u love, choose the one who loves u' I agree it s selfish but definetly has a point...

You should want to be with someone whom you feel like you can't live without.

 

[commenter39]

You should want to be with someone whom you feel like you can't live without.

I d like that but i don t think i m the type of guy who d feel that way for anyone and i don t think most people are no different than me, sometimes it s exaggurated i think.How many of us are married with the ones they ACTUALLY love and how many of us feel that way.Of course i m guessing it doesn t count ones says they love each other and ten days(a month or 2 ) later no ones aound