My Therapist Said I Don't Have SA

nicole1

Well-known member
My social anxiety has been trouble for me for most of my life, starting at age 13. I couldn't do things like sing in the choir or sit in an audience without feeling scared, panicky and shaky. I can't even speak or type in front of people, complications which wreaked havoc on my academic life.

I'd been in and out of therapists offices, each one disappointing, with the exception of one. She understood and she was actually a part of a social anxiety clinic. I was formally diagnosed. Yet, still didn't do quite well with therapy. I was just happy that someone understood what I was going through and that I could possibly get help. Why therapy didn't work for me is a whole nother topic altogether.

So the problem now is that the only access to help is one that I only have access to at the moment. I'm currently in an agoraphobic state, not able to leave the house without someone with me or going months and months without leaving the house at all. I am scared to talk to people most of the time, with the exception of online interaction. I can't work and it seems even the smallest of activities are overwhelming or causing sensory overload. I don't have any type of life.

To continue with the problem, I explained these things to my therapist and she said that I don't have social anxiety. She said I'm only depressed. I'm apprehensive and afraid to deal with her because I fear she will not properly treat what is wrong with me. And if a dilemma comes up with some of the exercises she wants me to complete, she will likely tell me I'm not trying.

She told me once that I "have to do the work myself and that she can't do it for me." I understand that and am willing to work to get better. She also said that I'm suffering from information overload because I look online for answers concerning my symptoms. (Not all the way true in the case of my social anxiety, as I have past results to prove my point.)

I do admit that I avoid things that will likely cause a panic attack or feeling, but I do want to get better. I don't know what to do that is both affordable and in my best interest. Should I stay with her and do what she says? Do I just agree with her even though deep down I know I can't? Am I wrong to doubt her because she is a trained professional with years of experience?

In all, I just want to get better. I just don't know what to do. Just another reason to be overly anxious.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I can somewhat empathy, nicole. Though, my anxiety started much younger (age 6), the constant bullying throughout ma school years didn't help. If anythin' it's left a lasting impression and impact upon me.

Anyway, like you could never speak in front of people. Or perform musically while everyone watched me. Still don't know what possesed me to taking music class in high school, let alone pick up a guitar. :eek:mg:

I had a similar experience with a female therapist, she told me that the bullying I endured during ma school days, nor my dysfunctional, sheltered upbringing, in no way contributed to me feeling socially anxious. This was in the first session we had together. I didn't call bullshit on her for that incredibly ignorant statement, afraid she take my being angry as a sign that I was being defensive. And stopped going after a few weeks... this was back in 2014, I believe? :thinking:
 

nicole1

Well-known member
After reading that, I feel that dealing with a therapist who doesn't listen kinda kills the motivation to go back. I think I know what I've experienced. And it took a long time to put a name to it. I also feel like people who are quiet and withdrawn get overlooked, which just adds to years of suffering in silence.

I didn't know what to call it until it became harder to deal with and resulted in bullying by a large group of people.

It's kind of insulting when she smirks and tells me I'm wrong to diagnose myself. And I can't go to anyone else in the clinic. They talk to each other and seem to just look at notes when making decisions. I'm just scared to deal with her.

I can somewhat empathy, nicole. Though, my anxiety started much younger (age 6), the constant bullying throughout ma school years didn't help. If anythin' it's left a lasting impression and impact upon me.

Anyway, like you could never speak in front of people. Or perform musically while everyone watched me. Still don't know what possesed me to taking music class in high school, let alone pick up a guitar. :eek:mg:

I had a similar experience with a female therapist, she told me that the bullying I endured during ma school days, nor my dysfunctional, sheltered upbringing, in no way contributed to me feeling socially anxious. This was in the first session we had together. I didn't call bullshit on her for that incredibly ignorant statement, afraid she take my being angry as a sign that I was being defensive. And stopped going after a few weeks... this was back in 2014, I believe? :thinking:
 

Louco

Well-known member
To continue with the problem, I explained these things to my therapist and she said that I don't have social anxiety. She said I'm only depressed. I'm apprehensive and afraid to deal with her because I fear she will not properly treat what is wrong with me. And if a dilemma comes up with some of the exercises she wants me to complete, she will likely tell me I'm not trying.

She told me once that I "have to do the work myself and that she can't do it for me." I understand that and am willing to work to get better. She also said that I'm suffering from information overload because I look online for answers concerning my symptoms. (Not all the way true in the case of my social anxiety, as I have past results to prove my point.)

Sounds like your therapist is a bitch. Seriously though, her attitude is appalling, there's got to be another therapist around for you.

By the way, no medic or therapist I've ever met told me or meant in any way that I shouldn't seek information on the internet. When questioned with stuff I found on the web, they always take their time to explain in detail how their diagnosis and treatment does not conflict with what I found out, or why it's more accurate. Some of them even used their books for that, like giving me a quick class on the subject, not as trying to prove me I'm wrong though, just gently educating me on the subject.

That's how a mental health professional worth they degree behave, they know what they are doing and they are not afraid of facing your doubts and questions. Doesn't seem to be the case of your current therapist though.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
After reading that, I feel that dealing with a therapist who doesn't listen kinda kills the motivation to go back.

Oh, it does. And it wus hard enough reach out for help being a guy. Given the stigma face by when it comes to depression or anxiety. My family didnae even believe me, either, when ah started to question and wonder why ah always felt socially anxious. No, no, ah wus "just a shy wee boy".

Though, something that has stuck with for 12 years now, has been my mum's words when I told ah wus considering therapy...

"Talkin' doesnae solve anythin', anyway. It only makes things worse. It certainly didnae do me any favours"

Now, not to speak ill of my own mother, but she did project a lotta her issues onto me. The depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, And she never been one to take any form of criticism well.

I think I know what I've experienced. And it took a long time to put a name to it. I also feel like people who are quiet and withdrawn get overlooked, which just adds to years of suffering in silence.

I didn't know what to call it until it became harder to deal with and resulted in bullying by a large group of people.

Oh aye, people who are quiet and withdrawn are constantly overlooked, disregarded and misjudged. Ah know for experience of being one.

And having been bullied from a young age. For me, it wus relentless. And double whammy, being mocked for being disabled and mixed-race. As if having to deal with racism was bad enough... Being called dumb was hellish. Nae wonder, ah had a difficult time in school.

It's kind of insulting when she smirks and tells me I'm wrong to diagnose myself. And I can't go to anyone else in the clinic. They talk to each other and seem to just look at notes when making decisions. I'm just scared to deal with her.

Ah can kinda relate your situation with my current situation with my physiotherapists, only they keep makin' jokes at my expense, saying the reason I'm anxious is 'cause I'm scared of them. Which isn't true, it's just how I am with people generally. But more so people ah don't know well.

To be fair, though, it's kinda ignorant of yer therapist to say yer wrong for believing you having social anxiety. I take in America, they don't do like they do over here, where ye talking to yer doctor and fill out a questionaire and telll 'em how you generally been feelin' lately? Ah hud to do that afore being referred for therapy.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
Oh, it does. And it wus hard enough reach out for help being a guy. Given the stigma face by when it comes to depression or anxiety. My family didnae even believe me, either, when ah started to question and wonder why ah always felt socially anxious. No, no, ah wus "just a shy wee boy".

Though, something that has stuck with for 12 years now, has been my mum's words when I told ah wus considering therapy...

"Talkin' doesnae solve anythin', anyway. It only makes things worse. It certainly didnae do me any favours"

Now, not to speak ill of my own mother, but she did project a lotta her issues onto me. The depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, And she never been one to take any form of criticism well.



Oh aye, people who are quiet and withdrawn are constantly overlooked, disregarded and misjudged. Ah know for experience of being one.

And having been bullied from a young age. For me, it wus relentless. And double whammy, being mocked for being disabled and mixed-race. As if having to deal with racism was bad enough... Being called dumb was hellish. Nae wonder, ah had a difficult time in school.



Ah can kinda relate your situation with my current situation with my physiotherapists, only they keep makin' jokes at my expense, saying the reason I'm anxious is 'cause I'm scared of them. Which isn't true, it's just how I am with people generally. But more so people ah don't know well.

To be fair, though, it's kinda ignorant of yer therapist to say yer wrong for believing you having social anxiety. I take in America, they don't do like they do over here, where ye talking to yer doctor and fill out a questionaire and telll 'em how you generally been feelin' lately? Ah hud to do that afore being referred for therapy.

There was a questionnaire when I went to a different therapist at the clinic who then left. Then another one came and when I explained, she didn't listen beyond the notes. Plus the notes just said I was depressed, which I read online. There was no testing or anything like I received at another office I went to when I was in college.
 

SpaceTime

Well-known member
It's kind of insulting when she smirks and tells me I'm wrong to diagnose myself. And I can't go to anyone else in the clinic. They talk to each other and seem to just look at notes when making decisions. I'm just scared to deal with her.

Sounds terrible. Over the years Ive seen therapists time to time. I would say two were very good, one was ok-ish and one was dreadful. The one that was dreadful never listened to a word I said and couldn't wait to tell me about her upcoming holidays as soon as the time was up. Its like the whole session she was just imagining herself on some beech somewhere! I stopped seeing her very quickly. But the two that were good did help me.

I think its worth persevering and asking for a different therapist, even if its in the same clinic. Don't assume they are all bad, they're human and every one is different. A good clinician with a professional attitude will form their own opinion rather than blindly following what a colleague says. Also in some of these places you might well get assigned to the least popular therapists first as they have the shortest waiting lists as the best ones are in most demand!
 
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