Hi, this is my first post. I am a 21 year old male, originally from West Midlands but now in South West for uni.
I have been very shy all my life, but i think it is now effecting me more than ever. I get very depressed alot because of SA as well as other things on top of that. I am the youngest of 3 older sisters and there is about a 10 year age gap between me and the youngest sister. I only really talk to my parents any more. All my sisters are now married and have kids so i am even more left out than ever. Which i dont mind because i dont really want to have to act like im interested in their lives.
School was the worst time of my life, i was bullied most of the time but almost everyone, it was a big school and i hated everyone. I always thought as soon as school was over, life would be better and my shyness wouldnt be so bad. But it is possibly even worse.
I'm currently sharing a house with 3 other students, i avoid going downstairs at all cost, i even avoid going to the toilet if i think one of them will start talking to me. I live off whatever food i can keep in my room and feel ill/depressed most of the time because of it. I have spoken to each of them individually and its been fine, there generally quite nice people but i cant stand the idea of talking to them again. I am always scared of being judged and i over analyse myself all the time and find myself getting extremely depressed if i think ive come across badly.
Last year uni wasnt so bad because i lived next door to someone who i got to know well because there was only the 2 of us living with some girls who didnt talk to us much. Its been like that through most of my life, only having one friend who i know really well or no friends at all. He has now moved to Switzerland though. Im always on my own when im at uni, only really talking to lecturers. It has always been like that at school and college as well. Im sick of feeling like a complete weirdo.
Although i live in a very nice area, at a great uni and doing the course i want to do everyday i either feel like i want to go home or wish i was dead. I even hate being at home but at least i can eat and piss whenever i want.
It wouldnt be so bad if i could focus on something positive in my life but good things rarely happen. I have failed my driving test many many times and have had to completely give up. Im getting bad grades at uni. I have a messed up sexuality. I am a hypocondriac/health phobic. I could go on. I feel like i was put on this planet as an experiment to see how much shit a human being could take before they kill themselves. As much as i do and have wanted to kill myself for so long i dont even have the balls to do it.
Sorry about all the text, i wasnt intending to go on for so long. Finding this forum and watching YouTube vids about SA has been great because for once i dont feel like im the only one. But the more i read the more i realise how hard it is to overcome.
I have been very shy all my life, but i think it is now effecting me more than ever. I get very depressed alot because of SA as well as other things on top of that. I am the youngest of 3 older sisters and there is about a 10 year age gap between me and the youngest sister. I only really talk to my parents any more. All my sisters are now married and have kids so i am even more left out than ever. Which i dont mind because i dont really want to have to act like im interested in their lives.
School was the worst time of my life, i was bullied most of the time but almost everyone, it was a big school and i hated everyone. I always thought as soon as school was over, life would be better and my shyness wouldnt be so bad. But it is possibly even worse.
I'm currently sharing a house with 3 other students, i avoid going downstairs at all cost, i even avoid going to the toilet if i think one of them will start talking to me. I live off whatever food i can keep in my room and feel ill/depressed most of the time because of it. I have spoken to each of them individually and its been fine, there generally quite nice people but i cant stand the idea of talking to them again. I am always scared of being judged and i over analyse myself all the time and find myself getting extremely depressed if i think ive come across badly.
Last year uni wasnt so bad because i lived next door to someone who i got to know well because there was only the 2 of us living with some girls who didnt talk to us much. Its been like that through most of my life, only having one friend who i know really well or no friends at all. He has now moved to Switzerland though. Im always on my own when im at uni, only really talking to lecturers. It has always been like that at school and college as well. Im sick of feeling like a complete weirdo.
Although i live in a very nice area, at a great uni and doing the course i want to do everyday i either feel like i want to go home or wish i was dead. I even hate being at home but at least i can eat and piss whenever i want.
It wouldnt be so bad if i could focus on something positive in my life but good things rarely happen. I have failed my driving test many many times and have had to completely give up. Im getting bad grades at uni. I have a messed up sexuality. I am a hypocondriac/health phobic. I could go on. I feel like i was put on this planet as an experiment to see how much shit a human being could take before they kill themselves. As much as i do and have wanted to kill myself for so long i dont even have the balls to do it.
Sorry about all the text, i wasnt intending to go on for so long. Finding this forum and watching YouTube vids about SA has been great because for once i dont feel like im the only one. But the more i read the more i realise how hard it is to overcome.
