My problems with SAD

[Cici Cooper]

sooo I'm 15 and homeschooled.

I want friends sooo badly, and lately I've been going to church youth groups with a mutual friend that I got in contact with by my sister's boyfriend.

I really enjoy being around him and his friends, but I'm usually really quiet and reserved because I have nothing to say. I'm used to just..I don't know, thinking to myself and watching everyone else's actions. The last time I went with him, whenever someone talked to me, I was tense and awkward. I was stuttering, saying uh and um a lot, not knowing what to say and just having a lot of trouble.
the problem is that I don't know how to socialize..I don't know what to say to people because I'm always afraid someone is going to think I'm weird or creepy or stupid, or that I'll say the wrong thing and just mess up everything..
everyone could easily tell I was shaking and several people said "wow, you never talk, do you?" or "you need to talk more", but the problem is I just don't know what to say..I'm always anxious to talk and come up with words, but nothing comes out and if it does it comes out very tense and it just makes it worse.

I've told my mom that I'm pretty sure I have SAD. She said "no, you're just shy" I asked her about getting therapy, she said "no, we can't afford it."

soo right now I feel like my last hope is alcohol. I wanna try getting a little bit drunk next time before I see one of his friends tomorrow..I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have this huge chip on my shoulder and I want to get rid of it, even if it's temporary. just to socialize and actually make some friends for once. I know it's not the answer, but I don't know what else to do.. my parents don't care about the problems I have making friends. this is mean to say, but it's true..they just don't. and I have no other solutions because there's no one I can talk to.

I'm a total wreck right now, any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Darker Than Black]

i wished i could help, but i dont know how man

 

[Cici Cooper]

It's okay.
I'm a girl btw :3

 

[Anubis]

The problem with alcohol is that it doesn't "teach" you how to be social. It just numbs your mind and disconnects you from your senses. That's why you no longer worry about being socially graceful when drunk. It's because you literally feel like you're no longer connected to this world. Hence why you do things you'd never think of doing while non-drunk.

But after the buzz wears off, you're be back to square 1 wondering why you're no longer any social. And then you'll want to drink again. The cycle just keeps going on and on.

Fix your problem by taking a long hard look at your life. Write a diary/log about your feelings and psychoanalyze the underlying feelings for your avoidance. People just don't avoid for the hell of it. They avoid for reasons. Find out what those reasons are, and then dig deeper, and deeper. Until you get an epiphany. Keep doing it until your life improves. It's a long process, but it's better than the quick "fix" of alcohol.

 

[Anomaly]

Anubis hit the nail on the head there. Alcohol isn't the silver bullet for social situations and a journal is an excellent resource to keep.

 

[Kinetik]

Do be careful if you start to drink. I've used alcohol as a crutch for ten or so years now and it's become second-nature for me to have a few drinks before almost any mundane event, whether it's going to a crowded store or making a phone call I'm dreading. I wouldn't want that kind of reliance for anyone.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

Yea, that sounds exactly like SAD... because that's identical to how I react in social situations. Then again, there are other symtoms for the diagnosis of SAD. You can be certain of whether you have SAD or not by doing some research on it and comparing it with what you're going through. That's what I did - Just go to wikipedia real quick, or google it.

I was very fortunate to have attained one good friend when I was very young, and we have been friends for years now. He's really the only friend I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine living without someone to talk to. For that reason, I can understand your dispair.

However, Anubis is very correct concerning alcohol. I've been that guy who drinks before social 'events'. It's definitely not something to start doing if you can help it. It sounds like what you are doing (going to youth groups and such) is a really good idea, for exposure and making new friends.

Btw, I'm actually going to try the journal idea - Thx Anubis