My Nick says it all

[lifesnotfair]

Basically my nickname says it all

I keep reading about how people should feel love, should cuddle, should have Sex, and people experiencing their feelings about that, fine i have no problem with that, but what i have a problem with is, is that it is so expected for people to feel like that, and to those people that are fortunate enough to experience love and happiness from other people, well basically makes me upset and jealous, because it seems like even with people with SP can get this, and yet, i haven't even had a girl hold my hand, and i am nearly 23 years old.

Of course, you have to go out and have interests and have a life in order for people to meet, however because of the lack of people that want me around them, and the total lack of respect i have for the whole "social scene" makes me wonder what the whole point of life is? seriously.. when you go around for so long feeling miserable and full of hate, its really hard, if not impossible to change how you feel about certain things. A good example, is racism, when you around that environment where people hate other people because of a specific race, you really never get out of that hole that you are in, Depression works in the similar way, no matter what medication, or therapy your on, you really never recover fully from depression, social phobia, and the target that you have over your head that you aren't worthy of love, women dispise you, and you end up living alone for the rest of your miserable pathetic life.

*amen*

 

[kody]

I have a fair understanding of what your going through, as would most people on here.

Here's the thing though. If you had your entire life handed to you on a silver platter, would it make you happy? Probably not. When everything so easy its very unfulfilling. You need only look at the rich and famous and their relationship problems and drug abuses to see, that you can have everything and it still won't make you happy.

What then makes you happy?
Its certainly not easy, In fact its one of the hardest and bravest things you can do, but you just have to take a stand and say, "I don't want to feel this way anymore, I want to be happy, I want to accept life's challenges and I want to make most of the opportunities I am given."

As for the social scene, is there really a problem with it, or is the problem with us? I would readily admit that often society is about using people and trying to put our best face on, but still behind the bs you can find love and friendship and people who care about you. Sometimes you just have to start and care about them. As for people wanting you around them. Well 1. You need to get people to like you, this is not particularly hard, just work out what they like and be like that. 2. You can always find other people who want you around.

What makes the human race so successful as a species is the fact that we are so adaptable and flexible. If conditions change, we are creative and we can work out how to meet new challenges. Being quiet and standoffish as SA makes you do isn't going to attract anyone especially members of the opposite sex, but here's the great thing. YOU CAN CHANGE. Its all very possible.

 

[Anonymous]

basically my nick says some feelings too. except for the number two maybe. anyways.

Well, life's not fair. lets imagine that suddenly a girl loves you madly. u just looked at her at the subway and she could not stare any other way. then she talks to you and suddenly she says she loves you and she would do anything for you. Amazing, you have the love of the girl. yet you dont know if you like her or not, because you dont know too much about feelings. with time. you start to feel something for the girl, who doesnt go away even when you dont seem to care. Ok. so your life is fixed. you have someone to love you.

now what?.

Now tell me what is life about. nobody knows what is death about and nobody knows excatly what is life about except living it. the facts of having someone to love you doesnt really concerns your life will be fixed.
you need to be smart enough to ACT whenever you have to act in order to feel happier ( brushing ur teeth, making you some steak. going to movies, drawing, etc ) what makes every individual happy might be different for everybody. i believe you have some kind of fascination for paranormal topics but i might be completely wrong.

If you want to know about life, study physics.
If you want to know about girls. met them. we all are humans with bellybuttons. if you want to blame somebody. blame the big bang.

Im also negative in some way. i know you already found this.
peace.

 

[Anonymous]

hey life's not fair, i just read the post about cuddling and having sex, wich is weird in a SA forum. since people is suppose to not even have the courage to talk with people or see people in the eyes for too long.

I think its indeed out of place and werd. so i understand

 

[Anonymous]

hey life's not fair, i just read the post about cuddling and having sex, wich is weird in a SA forum. since people is suppose to not even have the courage to talk with people or see people in the eyes for too long.

I think its indeed out of place and werd. so i understand

a) the severity of sa varies from person to person on here
b) alot of people still manage to meet and 'get with' other people. just because we have sa does not necessarily mean that we have no contact with other people. yes it means we are extraordinarliy oncomfortable with the majority of people,or a specific situation, but relationships are still poissible


lifeisnotfair..i cant really offer you advice, im only 15. i am lucky, because i have a bf, i know that.
i suggest you listen to those with similar probems. i only wished to correct limbo.

 

[Anonymous]

What is pathetic is your self-misery. Your nick says it all- you believe that you have no control over your emotions and it's everyone else fault!

 

[LilMissTragic]

Life is what you make it. So, you have SP but so does everyone else on this site. Its easy to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, we have all done it a number of times but it isn't going to get you anywhere. I'm just curious as to what you are doing to help yourself.

 

[lifesnotfair]

i have tried to help myself, talked to my doctor, a shrink, taking medication, however i ether a) refuse to go out to meet people, or b) there is no place where i can go to meet people. I am not feeling sorry for myself, as i am trying, but as much as i like to think that i am doing things to get myself better, it seems to be not working. Now some of you may think that i am feeling sorry for myself.. not the case, i am telling you the dead honest truth about how i feel, and yes i do believe that certain things are other peoples fault such as causing my depression.

however with regards to women.. well thats something i don't think will happen, because as much as i try, i go nowhere fast.. so i have just given up entirely on trying.

 

[Anonymous]

i only wished to correct limbo.

I understand Fred. and you are right. having SA depends on the individual and factors surrounding him/her. interaction with the social world will becomes or not real depending on the will of the individual i suppose.

I would invite you a beer life's not fair. but im afraid u dont drink. im almost ur age btw ( one yr older ).

 

[Michelob512]

here's my advice: when you're desperate, get spiritual. And the best, most interesting option there is mysticism and the wisdom traditions. Maybe Buddhism- that might teach you a lot about suffering. You don't have to pick a religion, though, you can learn meditation- I find it to be a great hobby that will probably help with your SA as well.

If you cant get a job and have nowhere to live and you ahve SA, you're almost screwed, I don't think this is your case though.

If spirituality doesn't appeal at all and you won't even agree to consider it, then find an interesting hobby. You don't need a girlfriend to be happy.

 

[Ads7800]

i have tried to help myself, talked to my doctor, a shrink, taking medication, however i ether a) refuse to go out to meet people, or b) there is no place where i can go to meet people. I am not feeling sorry for myself, as i am trying, but as much as i like to think that i am doing things to get myself better, it seems to be not working. Now some of you may think that i am feeling sorry for myself.. not the case, i am telling you the dead honest truth about how i feel, and yes i do believe that certain things are other peoples fault such as causing my depression.

however with regards to women.. well thats something i don't think will happen, because as much as i try, i go nowhere fast.. so i have just given up entirely on trying.

Lifesnotfair, I truly sympathise with your problems. I really used to be as pesimistic of the future as you currently are, honest! But after a few years of self-pity I finally got sick of listening to my own voice whinge and to the voices of other people saying, 'Well shit, if you don't get off your arse and go out, how the hell do you expect to improve.' So now I attend college, have only two friends (the geeks of course), no girls hanging around (of course) and outside of college I only have two friends that I made after becoming socially phobic (only because I told them of my illness and now they help me out). To me this is still a terrible life, I feel like shit and would love to give up. But I can't, because if I do I know I will just be sitting around at home hating myself.
To this day I wonder if I will find my better half, but in the meantime I'm trying my darndest to get better at talking to store clerks! If you really want a relationship lifesnotfair, wouldn't you prefer to try and perhaps fail than just sit there and wonder what could have been?

 

[tommydog]

bro, as long as your a nice person, and your not some kinda stalker or something ... most woman wont despise you for having depression\anxiety or whatever. yer some will ... many will be indifferent to you and ignore you ... and many, you can be friends with.

BUT .. you cant expect a girl to look past all your problems and mother you. Just because you have a friendship with a girl who understands you suffer sp and is understanding of it .. thats a whole seperate thing. Woman need someone thats confident, someone that is going to challenge them, and someone who is a whole bunch of things.

So the best thing you can do is try and make yourself better everyday, try and build friendships with people gently .. and as far as intamacy ... bro someone with bad sp who cant even make friends or socialise ... its gonna be tricky.

Your 23 years old man .. enoughs enough ... canada got a redlight district ? it must do. go to it.

 

[tommydog]

and kody good post love it

 

[kody]

Just another thing I wanted to comment on. This problem is not only applicable to SA peeps but also other people. That is focusing your life on one thing. In your case and often with everyone its getting a partner of the opposite sex. Here's the thing, to have fulfilling lives. We need a few life boxes shall I say. For example, Work, Hobbies, Friends, Spirituality, Interests, and of course a partner. Its very easy, I think a little bit more so for guys to see getting a partner as the only box, but it certainly isn't. The other trouble with this approach is that you may find someone, your other boxes get neglected and the one 'partner' box becomes your whole life. This maybe ok while your together, but sometimes things happen, often for the best, and then the box which takes up most of your life is empty. The result being you see your life as being very empty. Now I certanly empathise about nothing having a special someone but you have to be careful to realise, thats only one part of your life you may want to fulfill. Its all about balance.

 

[felix]

Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.

 

[felix]

Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.

 

[Remus]

Felix is right, try not to wallow in what is wrong and take your life a day at a time, I know its hard in a depressive rut, dont dwell on what is wrong, your attitude to why you havn't found love wont help either, it's far too negative, relax and dont think about it, try making freinds if possible, that can lead to love but if you go around resnting the fact it hasnt happened, I doubt it ever will.

 

[FOR REAL]

Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.

Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.

youve said that twice, im so proud of you

 

[philly2bits]

youve said that twice, im so proud of you

Digging up old threads again?