My name is Mike and I'm a crazy.... I think

[SomeUsernamesAreJustSilly]

Ok, so, I just joined the website and figured that now would be a good time to introduce myself. Truth is I don't know if I have a social phobia. I have done some pretty crazy things in front of people as if I absolutely don't care at all what they think. I think that there have been times where I really didn't care about what anyone thought. I thought they were all fools, machines, unimportant extras. There have been other times where what they thought was so important to me that I couldn't stand to have them think ill of me and I always thought that they were talking about me and saying mean things and making jokes. About 5 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me "because of my paranoia issues" and I became very reclusive only seeing a few people a week. I was so hurt that I suppose I went to lick my wounds/protect myself and I shut out everybody that I knew. I have been there for a long time. I have considered going to a doctor to talk about all my problems but I am afraid of going to doctors because I don't want to hear that there's something really wrong with me. I think that I might be mildly autistic, maybe bipolar, maybe a teeny bit insomniac since I can only fall asleep around 5 am or so even thought its about 7 am and i haven't fallen asleep yet. I am afraid that I have all these problems and I freak out if I hear someone talking about medical things but even though I worry about those things and I worry that I have a million mental problems, paranoia, bipolar, obsessive, aspergers, "every mental disorder I can think of" I am afraid to go to a doctor and someone told me that I am not a hypocondriac if I don't go to a doctor often. Well, anyway, I confuse myself thinking about these things and like I said I can't talk to a doctor. I have only had schizophrenic experiences when coming down off of lsd so its the one thing that I don't think I have. When I did have a schizophrenic episode I heard my best friend saying mean things about me to our friends and it hurt my feelings so bad I went home and tore my picture off the wall on top of his bed. He called me on the phone and when I told him we both started to cry. He ended up committing suicide, he was my best friend. I am a fine artist. I make real artwork, the kind that you can't sell because its not made to be decorative and its not illustration or design its pure art. Well, maybe someone knows what the hell is wrong with me. I spend a lot of time indoors with the blinds down. I have a hard time getting people to see my artwork since its such a social scene which means that I am dead broke even though I think I really have something different then has ever been done before. I can't keep a girlfriend because I get very afraid that they are all cheating on me and I have way too many strong emotions about everything. I cry fairly often for a guy. I just cried today when I saw the last episode of lost. Ok, well, Um, What else can I say? I am not violent or dangerous and im not suicidal. I am just extremely neurotic or something. Any ideas?

 

[SomeUsernamesAreJustSilly]

Oh, the reason why I said, I think was that several people who know me tell me that i'm not crazy that i'm intelligent and saying these things for other reasons. I don't really know if I am doing it to myself subconsciously to keep myself entertained. I don't know. Oh, I forgot to mention that I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore.

 

[Ignace]

Well, as far as I know there's no link between crazyness and social phobia. Every guy has feelings, some guys cry with movies, some guys only cry when their leg is being cut off without medication. I think you're thinking too negatively, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'm just a confused teen, I also think you should go to a doctor, then you know what's (not) going on.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but your post would be a lot easier to read with some spaces put in it. I was going to read it, & then comment if I could, but there are too many words cramped together. It will probably be hard for a lot of others to read, too.

 

[Mr isolated]

........................

 

[mysissucks]

Ok, so, I just joined the website and figured that now would be a good time to introduce myself. Truth is I don't know if I have a social phobia. I have done some pretty crazy things in front of people as if I absolutely don't care at all what they think. I think that there have been times where I really didn't care about what anyone thought. I thought they were all fools, machines, unimportant extras. There have been other times where what they thought was so important to me that I couldn't stand to have them think ill of me and I always thought that they were talking about me and saying mean things and making jokes. About 5 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me "because of my paranoia issues" and I became very reclusive only seeing a few people a week. I was so hurt that I suppose I went to lick my wounds/protect myself and I shut out everybody that I knew. I have been there for a long time. I have considered going to a doctor to talk about all my problems but I am afraid of going to doctors because I don't want to hear that there's something really wrong with me. I think that I might be mildly autistic, maybe bipolar, maybe a teeny bit insomniac since I can only fall asleep around 5 am or so even thought its about 7 am and i haven't fallen asleep yet. I am afraid that I have all these problems and I freak out if I hear someone talking about medical things but even though I worry about those things and I worry that I have a million mental problems, paranoia, bipolar, obsessive, aspergers, "every mental disorder I can think of" I am afraid to go to a doctor and someone told me that I am not a hypocondriac if I don't go to a doctor often. Well, anyway, I confuse myself thinking about these things and like I said I can't talk to a doctor. I have only had schizophrenic experiences when coming down off of lsd so its the one thing that I don't think I have. When I did have a schizophrenic episode I heard my best friend saying mean things about me to our friends and it hurt my feelings so bad I went home and tore my picture off the wall on top of his bed. He called me on the phone and when I told him we both started to cry. He ended up committing suicide, he was my best friend. I am a fine artist. I make real artwork, the kind that you can't sell because its not made to be decorative and its not illustration or design its pure art. Well, maybe someone knows what the hell is wrong with me. I spend a lot of time indoors with the blinds down. I have a hard time getting people to see my artwork since its such a social scene which means that I am dead broke even though I think I really have something different then has ever been done before. I can't keep a girlfriend because I get very afraid that they are all cheating on me and I have way too many strong emotions about everything. I cry fairly often for a guy. I just cried today when I saw the last episode of lost. Ok, well, Um, What else can I say? I am not violent or dangerous and im not suicidal. I am just extremely neurotic or something. Any ideas?

I don't have any answers for you. I wish I did. But if it's ok I would like to share some personal stuff about myself as it sounds familiar. My last boyfriend dumped me on christmas b/c I ripped up my own art. And then last week with my current bf I ripped up my fairy art again, both pieces I spent a year on each. I also think my bf cheats on me, as I did with the last two.

You probably think my stuff isn't "real" art but I draw afro fairies.

I hate gender stereotypes though.I see alot of guys cry, including my dad and guy I'm living with.

I'm sorry you lost your friend and you are feeling alone. But to me you don't seem crazy at all. *sends love and hugs*

 

[SomeUsernamesAreJustSilly]

Hey, I'm really sorry for not spacing out my text. I suppose that I was kind of rambling and the way I didn't seperate things is kind of demonstrative of that.

Thank you to everyone who comforted me. I really do feel better knowing that I'm probably not that crazy.

To mysissucks, I know how you feel. It is a horrible thing to think your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you. I keep sabotaging my relationships because I keep thinking it even though it isn't true. I think that if I could go back I would totally just try my hardest to forget about those suspicions and dismiss them. It never did me any good to worry about it and it only hurt me. If it will make things easier we could date each other and then we could both be very suspicious of each other.

 

[mysissucks]

Hey, I'm really sorry for not spacing out my text. I suppose that I was kind of rambling and the way I didn't seperate things is kind of demonstrative of that.

Thank you to everyone who comforted me. I really do feel better knowing that I'm probably not that crazy.

To mysissucks, I know how you feel. It is a horrible thing to think your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you. I keep sabotaging my relationships because I keep thinking it even though it isn't true. I think that if I could go back I would totally just try my hardest to forget about those suspicions and dismiss them. It never did me any good to worry about it and it only hurt me. If it will make things easier we could date each other and then we could both be very suspicious of each other.

That would be intense now wouldn't it? It is one of the worst feelings, you are right about that. And it's easier said then done about dismissing those suspisions, don't you agree??

 

[Andria_La La]

wow you sound like me...freaky. i could have written those words. so i dont know what to say to you, it'd feel like talking to myself, which in itself is crazy lol