My mother is a huge reason I feel judged all the time

[MBinMN]

Im so angry today because her passive agressive, back handed compliments, unsolicted advice and loaded questions that I have had to dodge and somehow sort through all my life are carrying over to my husband.
She cuts him down for his hobbies - he likes to 4 wheel. (well what does he need to do that for?)
He owns his own successful business and has a office 30 miles from here. In the summer often he works from home 3 days a week, saves on gas etc (well what does he need that office for)
We moved last summer 30 miles away from her and are renting a 4 bedroom home (we have 5 kids total however 3 are adult children who are in college - 2 are going to graduate high school next spring) -- her comments( oh you are not going to stay in that house long, in a year you are going to move back here closer to me NOT mother dear)
THE WORST COMMENT she made to me
"You were so much happier before you met him, since you met him you have gained 100 pounds" FALSE maybe 30 but certainly not 100

Im so sick her, I know she is the one of the reasons why when I go anywhere I feel the whole world is judging me. Why I never feel good enough.
I am 41 years old ... I should not be at a stage in my life where my mother still gets to me.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I can definitely relate. My mother plays a major role in contributing to my SP. All she does is judge me. I've lost all my friends because of her and her non-stop critiques about why this person is bad and why I should make this type of friend. I told her countless times that I would like to end up with a man who loves me and cherishes me for who I am and that it doesn't matter if we're not rich or even if he doesn't make a lot of money. So long as we love each other and he is willing to help me cope with my problems; I mean what more can one with SP ask for? Her reply to that was: oh great so you're going to take a man with no job who doesn't have a life? That right there pissed me off. I have a feeling she won't stop even when I reach a certain age where a mother should not be sticking her nose in her daughter's business.

I don't know what to tell you really. Maybe you can contact her less? The more you interact the more she has to judge about. You could distance yourself a little. It would probably give her time to reflect on why you're not contacting her as often and change her ways. If anything you can confront her about it and tell her that you don't like her constantly judging you.

Hope I was able to help a little...

 

[MBinMN]

Thanks no I've tried those things. Whe I confront her she manipulates by doing the silent treatment or cries and runs off or hangs up the phone. Then she never talks about it, puts on a fake smile and just continues as always.

I call less, live further away but she still gets her digs in everytime I interact with her. Ugh sorry yu have to deal with it too!

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Oh boy have I had this same particular problem with my mother. It's very difficult for her to understand my disability and my social phobia(maybe because she doesn't have it, and that is why I have come to see that she truly doesn't understand what I went through. It only makes sense to me. She is my total opposite and in my eyes, a very narcissistic and abhorrent mother that I have no idea why she was paired to be my mother. Because, really I wished I had someone opposite of her to take care of me as a mother should. I just can't get along with her since she treats me like sh*t.) Sorry about your mom. That was very mean of her to throw that comment at you, like you don't have any feelings because of it. I hope she can realize how much she has hurt you one day.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

She sounds to me as acting like a child would. She doesn't take any responsibility for herself and makes you feel like you should be the one at fault. Looks like your mother is the one who should grow up.

 

[Michellebelle]

I am wondering if you're my sister?

Seriously, ,Im wondering if there is a pattern in mothers who act this way. This is what I have on my mom:

Only girl growing up in the home.

Divorced home.

Teenaged mom and married at age 15

Spoiled brat.

Blames me for all the failures she's ever had.

Gets happy if i have bad news, pissed if i have bad news.

She knows how to manipulate my dad when we get along

She beat me with anything she could get her hands on.

She wasn't raised this way.

If i say up, she says down.

Last year, she was institutionalized for a month. She blamed my birth, no one even told me she was admitted. I used to stand up to her, now i don't waste my breath on it. Everytime i see her, she blames me for ruining her life. Well, she laid down and had me. It wasn't my decision. If i get a compliment, she gets pissed, i dread when my dad is nice to me in front of her. She gets pissed when i tell her good things, but wonders why i don't. I am almost 36. I have a teenager and a toddler. She gets pissed when i date and let my teen babysit. She offers, but, its backhanded. She tries turning my kids against me, but on her own, my 15 year old recognized that my mom hates me, my nieces see it the way she talks about me to them. All i do, is be good to her and she still finds something to hate me over, mostly my birth. She will never forgive me for that. Last time i was left watching her, i told my dad i wouldn't talk to her about anything, he agreed that was best. Before he came home, she began complaining to him, that I ignore her....i can't win.in best off not having anything to do with her. I spent 12 years away from her and happy. I live two miles from her now, and i can't stomach her, i don't like being asked to check on her. I don't like her period and i hate drama period....so, i go about my business, watching her post in Facebook how pissed she is all the time...i just stopped caring. Its hard to care for someone who hates you so badly...its sad that this has made me stronger and happier. But, this has been the only solution that doesn't inhibit me from my growth as an adult.