My Mom has started dating again..

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PapaSmurf

Active member
I am an only child and when i was 13 years old my father passed away. My father was my mothers second husband and when my father died she sweared she would never be involved with another man again.

Well fast forward 5 years and shes dating some guy. I was not aware of this until recently when he just started coming by the house. One night she came to my room when she knew i was really high and just randomly asked me " do you mind if i start dating again" , i get really uncomfortable and say i dont know about 5 times. She keeps pushing me for an answer and finally, just to get her to leave me alone ( i was in the middle of watching the daily show) i say " um i guess..." . I then find out from my moms friend she has been dating long before that.
( kinda like asking someone to loan you money and then after they say yes saying: " great!! well i already stole the money from you yesterday so you wont mind im sure!"

Anyway so i dont want my selfish wishes to impede my moms happiness and so yesterday i told her im fine with you dating as long as:
1. Unless your getting married, i dont want to meet him or talk to him
2. I dont want anything to do with him
3. I dont want him around the house as this would inevitably lead to a violation of condition 1 and 2.

I think that is pretty reasonable and my mom assured me i wont have to meet him or be introduced to him.

SO what happened today?

Sitting quietly reading the paper, mom comes home. Comes up to me, "blah blah blah blah, o come on in!! Nick this is jack, jack this is nick," I give the coldest possible response i can.....

yeah so much for that whole " you wont have to meet him promise..."


Anyway my question is this, what do i do??

I dont wanna be selfish and deny my mom happiness, but at the same time i feel i should not have to deal with this person in my life if i dont choose so and by him being at the house where we BOTH live, i am being forced to accept this person into my life as i have nowhere else to go.

If you want a relationship with a man could you at least have the respect not to drag me into that relationship when i have clearly told you i dont want anything to do with it?

WOmen how would you feel if you were a widower and your son told you he is not comfortable with another man around the house ?Would you respect his wishes and wait untill he moves out to start dating again, or would you tell your son to bite the bullet and deal with it?
 
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PapaSmurf

Active member
Thnx for the advise maybe i am overeacting.

But the thing is, i have severe SA and horrible social skills, im 19 and never had a girlfreind, and my life sucks pretty hard. ( were doing OK financially so it could be a hell of a lot worse but hey, no matter how bad ya think you got it, someone, somewhere has got it worse)

I already hate living at home and it causes me to become depressed and anxious.
I have always wanted to leave and go live somewhere more foresty ( i adore California's north coast and redwoods).

But since she has bringing this guy around i have become much more anxious, depressed, and even suicidal.

It has triggered a lot of thoughts of me killing myself lately.. and my mental health is getting worse every day.

I have applied for the peace corps in order to get away but they have a huge waiting list ( more than a year) and am considering joining the military and volunteering for the infantry so hopefully i can die without all the shame and dishonor that comes along with suicide.

Does anyone else know of any way to get far far away?

THe only things i can think of are finding a job somewhere, military, peace corps.

Does anybody know if there are volunteer positions to help clean up the oil spill in the gulf? They would need to provide living accommodations like the peace corps because i have none. Im willing to go anywhere and maybe having a posotive impact on something might make me feel better.

That loaded Glock 19 in my drawer looks better and better every day .....

I am 19 btw
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I can kind of relate to this. My mom just recently started dating too.

I am really really scared to meet the guy. So far I have been able to avoid it. I definitely know the feeling of not wanting to meet him and wanting to hide/run away. Part of me wants to hide away forever if they get married, so I never ever have to meet this new person, this new guy who will be affectionate with my mom (ew) Oh and I should add, that I am an only child as well. It has been my mom and me, just the two of us, forever.

But the reality of it is, my moms happiness is more important than my issues. She shouldn't have to suffer a life of loneliness just because I can't handle meeting her new boyfriend. So when the time comes, I will meet him, and I will just deal with it.

I don't want to be mean, I don't want to say hurtful words because I am not trying to make you feel worse... but you have to stop being selfish about the situation. Don't let the fact that this new person is around effect your mood. Don't think of it as a negative thing. New people are scary, I know. It's hard to have someone new around your house, I know. But eventually, you can get to know him.. at least to the point of being comfortable with him there. Him being there isn't a horrible thing, it is a good thing for your mom and he makes her happy.

It would definitely help to talk to someone professional, to help you handle this situation. These situations are difficult. I would imagine it would be even harder to deal with your mom dating someone new after losing your dad. Like I said, I know how weird and awkward it feels. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, it is natural. There are people and ways out there (positive ways) that can help you deal with it. That way you can be healthier and happier about this situation. No one wants you hurting.

Also, if you can fly 1000s of miles away to live and work with complete strangers... you should be able to handle anything.
 
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PapaSmurf

Active member
thank you for the replies.

I think flying 1000s of miles away and meeting new people is at the very least a little different then having to meet the man that might spend the rest of his life porking your mother. Or mybe its just me.
 
fudgy

fudgy

1
1. Unless your getting married, i dont want to meet him or talk to him
2. I dont want anything to do with him
3. I dont want him around the house as this would inevitably lead to a violation of condition 1 and 2.
Click to expand...




^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
you can't do that to your mum surely !!


turn this away from how you feel and see how SHE feels ..lost her husband and has waited 5 yrs .....cut her some slack !!!!!

You cant expect her to stick to your strict regime of handling your "problems"
by not been allowed to move on and use the comfort of her own home to do it !

I feel sory that you feel that way and it causes so many problems for you , however at 19 you need to view these things as an adult and see your mum is more than a mum ....she is a woman.


I think flying 1000s of miles away and meeting new people is at the very least a little different then having to meet the man that might spend the rest of his life porking your mother. Or mybe its just me.
Click to expand...

your mum might just happen to need porking !!!

mums need a shag as well my friend
 
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