x000x
Well-known member
I'm supposed to move to California this June. My girlfriend, whom I met online over a year ago lives there and we have met and stayed together for a total of one month on two separate trips. I really like the area even though it's much much bigger than the little isolated place in upstate NY that I live in. Before I left we discussed what our next step was going to be. We decided that I should try living there and get a job while she keeps going to school. This seemed like an excellent plan. My parents are also very excited about it and I have notified my work that I will not be there for much longer, I've begun selling many of my personal items to get some extra money, searching for a part time job locally to earn more money before I got, searching for a job out in California so I can have when when I get there, and I've let all my friends know I'm going to be moving. I've also found an apartment and signed the lease contract and my dad is helping me pay the first months rent and I'm sending the payment when my dad gets the money. So everything is working out somewhat well besides the money issues.
The major problem is she has been fighting with me a lot lately and nothing I do or say helps it. She seems very depressed and will not go to the counselor on campus because she went a few times before and didn't like it. Anything I do or say to help causes her to get more upset with me unless I luck out and she happens to feel better for whatever reason. I've gotten to the point where I've told her that enough is enough and I can't help with the problems because she isn't taking my help. She's been doing this for about 6 months now, but it seems like it happens more so when I have come back from the trip. My mom knows about it and knows we have fought a lot because of this issue, but thinks it might be because of her stress with school, family, and me not being around her. I agree and this seems to be the obvious thing, but I don't know how to help when she just becomes angry with me when she asks for my help and I try to help.
Tonight she told me she wanted to break up but still wanted me to come live there. I told her I didn't want to do that and that my parents may not help me with money or anything if that happens because they would probably feel it wouldn't work out for me if I move there. Also I've just sold many personal possessions, signed a lease contract and my dad is withdrawing money from a savings account he set up in my name when I was little just to help me move. I've also told my work that I'm leaving and that means that if I was to be offered the hourly manager position that my managers told me I would likely get, I will no longer be getting it because others are already beginning their training in that area and they don't need one more person in that position. I feel that my parents will be highly disappointed in me if I were to tell them these problems that are going on because they are expecting me to feel less depressed by moving out there and finally growing into a mature adult by taking this big step. All I do is lay in bed all day on most days because it's rare that people want to hang out with me and do anything but sit on a couch and not talk while they play a game alone on their tv and my parents really want me to get out into the world and experience things and not lay in bed all day. So I feel like I'll be letting them down if I tell them things aren't working out as I planned them. Also I told all my friends I'm moving and some of them seemed to have a really defensive attitude towards my desire to move. Their comments and tone made me feel like they are expecting me to fail out there and come home. And now some of them seem to not even respond to my calls.
Anyway my girlfriend agreed with me later to stay together and I suggested we only talk a bit over the next couple days so we could have some relaxation time and she agreed. However, then she said she only wants to call me to tell me when she's awake and when she's going to sleep. Then later she said she wants to continue doing that until I move there, which is in June (A month and a half away). This seems really crazy to me and I'm not sure what to think about it besides the fact that I'm pretty upset about it. A few days here and there for ourselves would be good with just a little talking in the morning and night would be fine. But only saying a sentence in the morning and a sentence at night to one another for a month and a half, right before I move across the country to be in a major city and live near her? That seems quite unfair to me.
I just wanted to get that out there. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. I also don't know what to think about this. Any advice?
The major problem is she has been fighting with me a lot lately and nothing I do or say helps it. She seems very depressed and will not go to the counselor on campus because she went a few times before and didn't like it. Anything I do or say to help causes her to get more upset with me unless I luck out and she happens to feel better for whatever reason. I've gotten to the point where I've told her that enough is enough and I can't help with the problems because she isn't taking my help. She's been doing this for about 6 months now, but it seems like it happens more so when I have come back from the trip. My mom knows about it and knows we have fought a lot because of this issue, but thinks it might be because of her stress with school, family, and me not being around her. I agree and this seems to be the obvious thing, but I don't know how to help when she just becomes angry with me when she asks for my help and I try to help.
Tonight she told me she wanted to break up but still wanted me to come live there. I told her I didn't want to do that and that my parents may not help me with money or anything if that happens because they would probably feel it wouldn't work out for me if I move there. Also I've just sold many personal possessions, signed a lease contract and my dad is withdrawing money from a savings account he set up in my name when I was little just to help me move. I've also told my work that I'm leaving and that means that if I was to be offered the hourly manager position that my managers told me I would likely get, I will no longer be getting it because others are already beginning their training in that area and they don't need one more person in that position. I feel that my parents will be highly disappointed in me if I were to tell them these problems that are going on because they are expecting me to feel less depressed by moving out there and finally growing into a mature adult by taking this big step. All I do is lay in bed all day on most days because it's rare that people want to hang out with me and do anything but sit on a couch and not talk while they play a game alone on their tv and my parents really want me to get out into the world and experience things and not lay in bed all day. So I feel like I'll be letting them down if I tell them things aren't working out as I planned them. Also I told all my friends I'm moving and some of them seemed to have a really defensive attitude towards my desire to move. Their comments and tone made me feel like they are expecting me to fail out there and come home. And now some of them seem to not even respond to my calls.
Anyway my girlfriend agreed with me later to stay together and I suggested we only talk a bit over the next couple days so we could have some relaxation time and she agreed. However, then she said she only wants to call me to tell me when she's awake and when she's going to sleep. Then later she said she wants to continue doing that until I move there, which is in June (A month and a half away). This seems really crazy to me and I'm not sure what to think about it besides the fact that I'm pretty upset about it. A few days here and there for ourselves would be good with just a little talking in the morning and night would be fine. But only saying a sentence in the morning and a sentence at night to one another for a month and a half, right before I move across the country to be in a major city and live near her? That seems quite unfair to me.
I just wanted to get that out there. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. I also don't know what to think about this. Any advice?
