ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
I've been very stressed and exhausted lately and feeling so misanthropic and depressed. I keep wondering why life can't be easier and why I can't just live it like any other animal on Earth without having it dictated by other humans who make things so complex and miserable.
I know there are a lot of very good people out there, but not enough to make up for the bad. I can honestly say that 100% of things that have ever ruined my day or made me feel like killing myself were related to or caused by people. And there is NO escape. I can not live my life peacefully without ever encountering people who are rude, toxic, mean, or difficult to be around. There will ALWAYS be people like that. The only options of escape are a) becoming a recluse or living somewhere completely isolated, which would still pose many hardships, no positive social interaction, and mental strain b) suicide, where I could end my suffering and not have to deal with people or negative emotions anymore but I would have to give up all future opportunities and experiencing a life that I may potentially not regret at the end (but, what if I make it to the natural end of my life and feel it wasn't worth it? that it was too full of pain and stress and hurt that it would have been better to let go rather than endure it?), and so either way it's a lose-lose situation.
"It will get better" or "it will pass" are things I hear a lot but are not always true. Way back in grade school I was depressed and even suicidal. I knew I was still just a kid and that I had a lot to look forward to growing up and that maybe one day it wouldn't be all that bad. So I held out, trying to be positive and hoping I could overcome the negative thoughts that dragged me down. It's been over a decade since then and if anything things have gotten worse and I don't know if I can put up with life any longer. I've been getting treatment for years now and have lost count of the meds I've been on, though none of them help when I have a negative experience or thoughts from previous ones.
Does anyone else have a problem where they remember many negative things from their life, much more than positive, and those thoughts pop into their head without warning and make you feel worthless, inferior, stupid, hated, embarrassed, anxious, and sick, sometimes all at once? I get that a lot and cannot control it. I still have painful memories from, for example, grade 1 when I was only SIX years old that still make me feel worthless and sick as if I had experienced the same moment in person all over again. Over all these years those negative memories accumulated and I can still clearly remember hundreds of times someone said something mean to me, or I did something embarrassing, or I was in a situation that made me feel useless or inferior. I know I shouldn't let them bring me down and that it's in the past and the people who made me feel that way probably don't even remember, and it's small, trivial things, but I can't control the depression and that anxious, sinking feeling in my body and pit in my stomach that results from those thoughts entering my mind and making me relive those hurtful moments all over again.
I know there are a lot of very good people out there, but not enough to make up for the bad. I can honestly say that 100% of things that have ever ruined my day or made me feel like killing myself were related to or caused by people. And there is NO escape. I can not live my life peacefully without ever encountering people who are rude, toxic, mean, or difficult to be around. There will ALWAYS be people like that. The only options of escape are a) becoming a recluse or living somewhere completely isolated, which would still pose many hardships, no positive social interaction, and mental strain b) suicide, where I could end my suffering and not have to deal with people or negative emotions anymore but I would have to give up all future opportunities and experiencing a life that I may potentially not regret at the end (but, what if I make it to the natural end of my life and feel it wasn't worth it? that it was too full of pain and stress and hurt that it would have been better to let go rather than endure it?), and so either way it's a lose-lose situation.
"It will get better" or "it will pass" are things I hear a lot but are not always true. Way back in grade school I was depressed and even suicidal. I knew I was still just a kid and that I had a lot to look forward to growing up and that maybe one day it wouldn't be all that bad. So I held out, trying to be positive and hoping I could overcome the negative thoughts that dragged me down. It's been over a decade since then and if anything things have gotten worse and I don't know if I can put up with life any longer. I've been getting treatment for years now and have lost count of the meds I've been on, though none of them help when I have a negative experience or thoughts from previous ones.
Does anyone else have a problem where they remember many negative things from their life, much more than positive, and those thoughts pop into their head without warning and make you feel worthless, inferior, stupid, hated, embarrassed, anxious, and sick, sometimes all at once? I get that a lot and cannot control it. I still have painful memories from, for example, grade 1 when I was only SIX years old that still make me feel worthless and sick as if I had experienced the same moment in person all over again. Over all these years those negative memories accumulated and I can still clearly remember hundreds of times someone said something mean to me, or I did something embarrassing, or I was in a situation that made me feel useless or inferior. I know I shouldn't let them bring me down and that it's in the past and the people who made me feel that way probably don't even remember, and it's small, trivial things, but I can't control the depression and that anxious, sinking feeling in my body and pit in my stomach that results from those thoughts entering my mind and making me relive those hurtful moments all over again.
