Memory Lane

[illuminationSP]

So... fairly often, I read all of those old letters from past relationships (the relationships actually ended over several years ago/haven't spoken to them since then/all ended very badly) and I also stare at their old pictures from this big shoe box I keep. It's impossible for me to "move on" even though it's been so long. I know how reminiscing is going to make me feel (dead inside, overwhelming anxiety, or like I'm suffocating), but I take out those letters and pictures anyway. Then, I look through the yearbooks for about 2 hours, remembering how horrific high school was. I just really fear that this will never end. I never had closure with these things, especially past relationships with girls. Lastly, I start comparing myself to what they might be up to now vs. how ****ty my life is - they don't even know I exist anymore. This is depressing and pathetic on my part and I know I'm wallowing, but, I need to know that I'm not the only one who does this. I hate even admitting this and posting this.

 

[mrb]

old saying .................. its better to have loved and lost , then never have loved at all ....

 

[flakeybark]

i did that, and then i thought what's the point and threw it all out.

 

[this_portrait]

I used to keep photos of an old crush I had in my last year of high school. Out of all the guys I've liked, and out of all the guys I've dated, he was the one I interacted with the most, and I often find myself wishing I had never told him how I really felt about him. If I would've just kept my mouth shut, then maybe we would still be talking to this day.

Unfortunately, it never worked out that way, and sometimes I reminisce about the good times, then reality hits me and I'm back to my sad, lonely self, still making an attempt at trying to find someone.

 

[Krista]

So... fairly often, I read all of those old letters from past girlfriends (the relationships actually ended over several years ago/haven't spoken to them since then/all ended very badly) and I also stare at their old pictures from this big shoe box I keep. It's impossible for me to "move on" even though it's been so long. I know how reminiscing is going to make me feel (dead inside, overwhelming anxiety, or like I'm suffocating), but I take out those letters and pictures anyway. Then, I look through the yearbooks for about 2 hours, remembering how horrific high school was. I just really fear that this will never end. I never had closure with these things, especially past relationships with girls. Lastly, I start comparing myself to what they might be up to now vs. how ****ty my life is - they don't even know I exist anymore. This is depressing and pathetic on my part and I know I'm wallowing, but, I need to know that I'm not the only one who does this. I hate even admitting this and posting this.

Aww, don't feel so bad dear. I don't keep things around like that since I'm so good at losing them but when I get into a depressed state I often look at pictures of guys that I've dated and remember everything that we did together. Since every relationship I've been in ended on not the best terms(I dated a guy who actually just completely stopped talking to me one day and still refuses to) it makes me feel like a complete failure sometimes. I think about how none of them probably think about me at all anymore, some still don't even like me and it seems like I'm stuck in remembering relationships instead of making new ones. It's hard to stop doing and I'll admit I still do sometimes but I also am happy with being on my own right now. SA might have ruined those relationships but now that I know myself better, I'm waiting for someone who can hold out for me(all those other guys couldn't wait for me to "come around") and that makes me feel like what I'm doing with myself is worthwhile.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

trash it quick before you change your mind. promise that stuff isnt doing you any favors. be very careful to never let yourself think about it, and you will completely forget. i cant tell you enough how effective it is, you can completely wipe out memories that way. maybe its an immature thing to do, but beats dwelling on stuff

 

[illuminationSP]

Thanks everyone.

 

[illuminationSP]

I just can't seem to forget... I'll keep trying, I guess.

 

[nicknamehere]

Whatever you do, do not throw them out. I have letters from my ex g/f and that's all I have left of her. It's been 6 yrs now and I still find it hard to not think about her but even if I were to throw those letters away, it'll make no difference. Yes, it's depressing, comparing from then to how I am now, but it's all in the past.
Keep them, it's a part of who you are, even if it hurts.

 

[206Raider]

You'll never forget, I still have stuff that is sentimental and I think it can be healthy to keep it and reminsce but I got fed up one day and threw 80% of it out and now I don't even remember most of it. I don't know if that's good or bad, but it doesn't bother me. Memories are benificial and they all come back when I'm in certain situations, like, I moved away from the place where I went to elementary, middle and high school (all right next to eachother on the same block), and whenever I go down there I get a weird unexplainable feeling, I can't even tell if it's good or bad, it makes me feel happy becuase I remember like everything fun I did but then I feel sad becuase I want to go back in a way....

 

[illuminationSP]

Great points, guys. Yeah, I'll never forget and don't really want to, I'm just trying to get to the place where I can happily look back on it. Maybe I should try to speak to them again, just to smooth things over, even though it didn't go well last time.

 

[Sacrament]

You can't move on until you've gotten rid of all the things connecting you to a certain person.

And until you move on, you're not free, you're not yourself.

 

[flakeybark]

i honestly think its a terrible idea to hold on to all of that stuff. every time you see it you will just think oh **** plus the fact that your memory of things change based on the way you feel now. you might think oh well it wasn't so bad when in reality your life was a piece of ****. what's in the past should stay in the past.i dunno when i took out some old letters i had saved a while ago i just thought it really had to place in my life anymore so what was the point of keeping them. let it go and search for something new and better. i think that hanging on to that sort of stuff just stunts your emotional growth.

 

[Dronee]

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Yet the persisting past
These landmarks that last

Cause in memory lane
The painter paints
By the flickering light
That in waning, bright

So by memory lane the light is dying
And in darkness the night is shielding
So whence is the coming of dawn?
The renewing dawn I thought was gone
***

 

[ffeev223234]

Burn the letters from your girlfriend. Does your old flam keep anything that pertains to you, no. So just give up those items and move on with your life. You are just hurting yourself little bit more just by thinking about.

 

[Fighter86]

I still have the year books from school, I hate them and have never looked at them. As for letters from previous best or good friends, I harden my heart to throw them out a couple of years back. For a long time, I was holding onto them, but then, I realise its of no use, we no longer keep in touch anymore, so I just threw them out. Out of sight, out of mind. It would hurt more if you saw those letters/cards and then start thinking how far ahead in life they are now.

 

[reslo]

i hold on to basically every card, valentine, note, letter, etc. that any one has ever given me, and i have about 7 yearbooks, but i have a hard time looking through them. i just like having them in my possession. it reminds me that i one point i was loved/cared about/thought about. i've kept every flower i was ever given. i've kept the stuff even from the ex who cheated on me, lied to me, and basically chose drugs over me :/ ( however after we broke up, i did rip up and set a picture of him on fire in my bathroom sink lol)
maybe every couple of years or so, or if im cleaning, i'll look through that stuff, but not very often. can't read my yearbook comments without crying-- can't tell you the number of "wish i'd gotten to know you better" type comments are in there...
i don't think it's healthy to look at that stuff all the time. it sounds like you're still hurting. As far as high school, just be glad you're out of it! You made it, you survived. I thought highschool sucked- was not the "time of my life" (neither was college) and I don't think I could do it again.
hopefully, someday, you can start a new memory box and start putting positive things in there
(and every couple of weeks, i go and check the facebook (just for like a few seconds) of the guy i used to like in highschool (from like 5 and a half years ago)- he's still really adorable...)

 

[aizome]

i do the same kind of thing, but because i'm a real mean-ass sometimes i'll pick apart an ex for all their bad points and remember them for those. it sounds really awful but the alternative is crying all the time about how much i miss their good points, it's like a really terrible defence mechanism. usually takes me a couple of years to really be able to focus on how awful they were as people though.