meeting boyfriends extended family

[LazyHermitCrab]

So i got out of his sister's wedding because the wedding is far away but now there's going to be a bbq party at her friends house and i'm going in two weeks. I'm really nervous and my bf actually forgot about it but then I asked for the day off from work and he heard about it then he remembered again. I'm scared and shaking as I write this. I also have work today and i've been there over a year and still scared to go in. I think the bbq will be the usual like you go with one person and that one person leaves you to fend for yourself. I would rather wash dishes or something else when everyone else eats because it's hard to just hang out. Any tips?

 

[bitingthepea]

What is your biggest fear about the bbq?

I'm pretty much the same with social situations, I kinda make sure i look happy in these awkward moments cus i dno whatelse to do

good luck anyway

 

[lonelyworm]

My worst nightmare lol .Sorry i have no tips. Good luck

 

[shyness123]

Unfortunately there is no way out of this for you. If your boyfriend is considering you as a potential future wife, he will eventually want to know how you are going to get along with his family.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Unfortunately there is no way out of this for you. If your boyfriend is considering you as a potential future wife, he will eventually want to know how you are going to get along with his family.

Exactly that's why i'm so nervous my head is close to exploding because of this judging process don't know what to say other than congratulations and i'm afraid of repeating a question like i don't care to listen. It's just that if i'm nervous, i don't have an emotional brain. For instance today at work someone asked me where something was and I just "forgot" and then when the person left I knew where it was. So screwed lol. Being an optimist would help.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

My worst nightmare lol .Sorry i have no tips. Good luck

.....................Thanks lol

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

What is your biggest fear about the bbq?

I'm pretty much the same with social situations, I kinda make sure i look happy in these awkward moments cus i dno whatelse to do

good luck anyway

Just scared his family will judge me which they will lol. Yeah it's good to look happy because when If i'm quiet and not happy looking I get "what's wrong?" Maybe the same for you?

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Whatever.. actually.. honestly if it messes up, it messes up if it goes well then great....

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Whatever.. actually.. honestly if it messes up, it messes up if it goes well then great....

There's not much else anyone can say, really.
You'll just have to roll with the punches and try not to take anything too seriously.
Easier said than done, I know.

 

[Srijita52]

Whatever.. actually.. honestly if it messes up, it messes up if it goes well then great....

Good luck!

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Just scared his family will judge me which they will lol.

Yes they probably will judge you, and they'll almost certainly conclude that you're a really lovely young woman and that their son has done very well to find himself such a great gf.

Maybe you could think up some questions to ask his family ahead of time, so if you feel yourself getting too nervous you have something already in mind that you can fall back on.

 

[shyness123]

Exactly that's why i'm so nervous my head is close to exploding because of this judging process don't know what to say other than congratulations and i'm afraid of repeating a question like i don't care to listen. It's just that if i'm nervous, i don't have an emotional brain. For instance today at work someone asked me where something was and I just "forgot" and then when the person left I knew where it was. So screwed lol. Being an optimist would help.

First of all, congratulations for being in a relationship and having a boyfriend that loves you enough to invite you to spend time with his family and loves you enough to think of you as being his future wife. You will be able to handle this social situation because you are in a relationship with your boyfriend who sees you in a positive light. His family will also see you in a positive light because you are with your boyfriend and he speaks highly of you to them so they will be nice to you as well. Be polite, make small talk and make a good impression. It is understandable to be nervous but just remember everyone has to do this and everyone feels as anxious as you do. But they get through it and so will you. Good luck!!!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

First of all, congratulations for being in a relationship and having a boyfriend that loves you enough to invite you to spend time with his family and loves you enough to think of you as being his future wife. You will be able to handle this social situation because you are in a relationship with your boyfriend who sees you in a positive light. His family will also see you in a positive light because you are with your boyfriend and he speaks highly of you to them so they will be nice to you as well. Be polite, make small talk and make a good impression. It is understandable to be nervous but just remember everyone has to do this and everyone feels as anxious as you do. But they get through it and so will you. Good luck!!!

Thanks Watching videojug.com to help. It's just hard because i'm not used to actually going to the normal gatherings, but just listening from inside, wondering how people deal with it all. Also at my family gatherings I usually hang out with the pets not the people so much and i'm an adult so it makes people wonder but I don't care as much lol.

Thanks for all the replies everyone, it means a lot, I feel like at least everyone on the forum are a bit similar in a way, and it's not something that requires certain interests or hobbies but our feelings. Also I guess we all like "psychology" in a way.... yeah lol.

 

[Silatuyok]

Most likely his family will be eager to get to know you and will want to ask you questions and start conversations with you. Perhaps you could think up some answers ahead of time to certain questions, like, "What do you do for a living?" etc.
I'm petrified of situations like this. I've had the experience of showing up at a backyard bbq only to be left by my date to fend for myself while he played cornhole. Ugh. I sat there petrified and alone, just clutching my drink and wanting to cry. In fact I think I did cry in the bathroom. Then he wondered why I wanted to leave early and I broke down in the car on the ride home. (Sorry for the rant, I'm just so glad I'm not with that jerk anymore!)

Anyway, when I am in a social situation like that, I try to eat very slowly, at least occupying myself with nibbling on food so that I don't look completely awkward just standing around doing nothing. Be sure to make eye contact and smile at people, as this will help them to want to initiate conversations with you. And even if you don't talk much, smiling and looking pleasant will help you to come across as a nice and likable person.

Good luck!

 

[Silatuyok]

A couple other things: it might help to confide in your bf beforehand, and at least let him know that you are nervous about going and being around so many new people. Perhaps if you ask him to help you out and not ditch you, he will be nice enough to do so.
And, if you really can't think of anything to say, you can always throw out random compliments about the food, the house, the weather, the yard, etc. Just keep saying pleasant things to anyone who might be standing nearby. People love the opportunity to agree on those kinds of things!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Most likely his family will be eager to get to know you and will want to ask you questions and start conversations with you. Perhaps you could think up some answers ahead of time to certain questions, like, "What do you do for a living?" etc.
I'm petrified of situations like this. I've had the experience of showing up at a backyard bbq only to be left by my date to fend for myself while he played cornhole. Ugh. I sat there petrified and alone, just clutching my drink and wanting to cry. In fact I think I did cry in the bathroom. Then he wondered why I wanted to leave early and I broke down in the car on the ride home. (Sorry for the rant, I'm just so glad I'm not with that jerk anymore!)

Anyway, when I am in a social situation like that, I try to eat very slowly, at least occupying myself with nibbling on food so that I don't look completely awkward just standing around doing nothing. Be sure to make eye contact and smile at people, as this will help them to want to initiate conversations with you. And even if you don't talk much, smiling and looking pleasant will help you to come across as a nice and likable person.

Good luck!

Awwww i'm sorry Did you show up alone? If I wasn't with someone at first i'd be a bit late so at least at night people seem too tired to judge. it would have been nice if he comforted you more. That's good you moved on.. My bf is pretty caring but i'm sure ppl will want to talk to him without me so have to figure that out. Yes I try to eat slowly too.... it's still uncomfortable getting the first plate sometimes. Wondering should I get food now? Should I wait? Did i take too much/too little? really like q's so just gonna ask them instead....

 

[Srijita52]

Most likely his family will be eager to get to know you and will want to ask you questions and start conversations with you. Perhaps you could think up some answers ahead of time to certain questions, like, "What do you do for a living?" etc.
I'm petrified of situations like this. I've had the experience of showing up at a backyard bbq only to be left by my date to fend for myself while he played cornhole. Ugh. I sat there petrified and alone, just clutching my drink and wanting to cry. In fact I think I did cry in the bathroom. Then he wondered why I wanted to leave early and I broke down in the car on the ride home. (Sorry for the rant, I'm just so glad I'm not with that jerk anymore!)

I'm sorry he did that, he really seems like a jerk.

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm sorry he did that, he really seems like a jerk.

Haha, thanks. This is the same guy from my Bad Date Story, so yeah...whenever I would get upset about anything (which is often) he would roll his eyes and say, "Good grief." or, "Oh, for Pete's sake!" He also loved to socialize and expected me to love it too. I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did.

Sorry for the thread hijack.