Maybe this is for the best

[dannyboy65]

I'm currently in the process of making one of the hardest decisions I've made. My girlfriend put our relationship in my hands. She put her walls of apathy back up, she has no time for emotions she says. She has to only focus on school and work for her son which I get, but she has no more time for me or a relationship. She said if we stay together we will still see each other at lunch at school, but never outside of school. She said if we break up we can still be best friends and stay the same we just won't be kissing or saying I love you. I've been up all night thinking of every scenario, I've talked to countless people, I don't know how to explain this situation it confuses me...

I have so many options in my head, I want to stay cause of how much her son loves me, but she said if we break up I can still see him. Another thing is it feels like I'm just giving up, which I wish I didn't feel. Then there is my biggest feeling, and that is I don't think I'm cut out for a relationship now. Having autism I still have to learn about myself, for years I wanted one, but this taught me that I still am to emotional for a relationship. I'm still young and I'm not fully mature, she even said compared to her I am not mature, like for my age I'm mature but I'm not as mature as her.

It hurts me more then ever like I literally spent all night crying. I went to bed at 3 and woke up at 5. I'm just not tired I need to make my decision, last night at 2 I texted her that I would stay, but I feel that I shouldn't have. I guess I feel I just have to learn who I am and be her best friend before she loses interest on her own and it hurts me even more. I was told by my friend it's my whole decision, I can either take a leap of faith or fall.

 

[Sacrament]

You don't want to be in a relationship where she's only half in. Besides, you were putting a huge chunk of your personal and emotional stability in the hands of that relationship, which eventually becomes a burden on everyone. Maybe stay friends (if you're able to), keep seeing the kid, and get to work on becoming less fragile and building a strong enough backbone for everyday life.

 

[dannyboy65]

You don't want to be in a relationship where she's only half in. Besides, you were putting a huge chunk of your personal and emotional stability in the hands of that relationship, which eventually becomes a burden on everyone. Maybe stay friends (if you're able to), keep seeing the kid, and get to work on becoming less fragile and building a strong enough backbone for everyday life.

I already called her and we broke it off but we decided to be best friends and I still get to see the little boy. I'm going to take all the time I need to fully learn who I am. I need to learn who I am before I can love some body again, but I am happy that we are staying friends.

 

[Megaten]

Are you seeing a therapist at all? Personally I would have said either break off contact altogether or go with her plan and try to get some counselling. I mean maybe Im being pessimistic but it seems rare to find a woman willing to go through that much before throwing in the towel. What Im afraid of happening is her starting up her dating life again, and it sending you through another emotional spiral. Especially if those guys dont feel comfortable with you being around. Anyways Im gonna shut up.

 

[Zooman]

That is kinda awkward that you wuld still hang around with her and her son...i don't think that is a good decision tbh.

 

[Bronson99]

Relationships are absolute torture for someone on the autistic spectrum, why put yourself through more of this?

Maybe you should (and perhaps will) become more misanthropic like me; in which case life is about experiences and moments, not about the flawed ideal of committed relationships.. my God, people without autism or ANY mental diversity have enough trouble with those.

No offense, but seeking serious relationships at this time, you are just setting yourself up to be strapped to a torture machine. I knew when I was 19 I would have to wait a LONG time before the idea of a longterm relationship could even be halfway realistic without risking immense catastrophic breakdown. That's the reality for many with autistic features, anyway..

And btw now that I waited that "long time," I know I still cannot handle a relationship without the risk of catastrophic breakdown. I personally do not think longterm relationships are a good idea for anyone with autistic deficiencies, as it is, though.. there's that bias. But think of it this way, an autistic life is day-by-day and experiential and it NEEDS order.. the worst thing you can do is knowingly seek out emotional chaos, as in a relationship, etc.