Maybe having a body guard would cure me or at least give me opportunity to improve.

Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
Not that this is realistic since I haven't the money for a body guard. But, nonetheless if I did, I would be cured. Here's why:

I have it in me to go out and meet new people, but in order to do this, I have to go out....alone. This includes going out at night....alone. But, I have this debilitating phobia of getting abducted and raped. I have intense fear any time I leave my home. I have faced a few incidents in the past where I have felt very threatened with the possibility of rape, one still very fresh in my mind that I will not get into. My absolute biggest fear in life is coming up missing, even more than getting into a car accident or dying in a plane crash.

A little bit ago, before I went to walk my dog, I was shaking because I was so nervous to go walk her. When I did leave, there was an older really scary-looking man who was walking toward me and kept staring at me. I felt so nervous that I thought I was going to pass out. I went and walked my dog, constantly aware of my surroundings. And I was scared to walk back to my place because I was afraid he would be around there and see where I live, if he didn't already see. He was still working around my place when I got back, but I made sure he didn't see me and went in really fast and shut my blinds.

Life would be so much easier if I could go out without this fear. But the problem is, the risk is there. It is not an irrational fear because women get attacked and raped all the time. If I had a hired body guard, I wouldn't have to worry about it. I could go out all I wanted without having to worry. My life would be much more fully lived. But instead, I am scared, every second of the day. It brings me down and makes me very sad. I lose out on so many opportunities because of this.

Yesterday, a new girl I met in class invited me to a cocktail party last night. I also had the opportunity to go to a German Club social last night. But instead, I stayed inside, too afraid to leave, because I would have to leave alone, and return at night. Something that scares me out of my mind. If I had someone, life would be easier. I have the potential to change, but this is the biggest thing that holds me back.

Life is so unfair.
 
Redzer

Redzer

1
I'm sorry to hear that your like this it must be so bad and i cant picture how hard it must be for you. But you mite find the audiobooks on self-help i added helpful there is over 20 now on a few different topics, you might wanna check out
Overcoming Obstacles. Hope thats some help to ya
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
Have you tried carrying something like a pepper spray or something similar,just to make you feel safer?
This is one of the reasons I like to live in Japan,I can go out at anytime even really late at night with only my bike with no worries.
 
Nicholas

Nicholas

Well-known member
Blue Teardrops said:
I lose out on so many opportunities because of this.
I have the potential to change, but this is the biggest thing that holds me back.

Life is so unfair.
Click to expand...

But at least you have the potential and your problem is easy to fix: as soon as you are not alone anymore, this won't be a problem anymore. Someone might pick you up, and the problem is gone, in one second. Also, since crime is everywhere, you are not the only one who has this problem, it's a common problem for women, everyone understands, they talk about it on TV too.

Life is more unfair in my case. I have the potential to change, I could meet people, have fun, but... I miss out on everything, and guess why? Because I sweat like a pig. And this is not a problem that I can solve, and this is not a common problem everyone understands... unlike yours.

So I don't think I can understand and tell you your "problem" is a "big problem". I'm sorry though to say so, I'm just thinking about MY problems these days and I tend to feel depressed ::(:
 
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Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
Nicholas said:
But at least you have the potential and your problem is easy to fix: as soon as you are not alone anymore, this won't be a problem anymore. Someone might pick you up, and the problem is gone, in one second. Also, since crime is everywhere, you are not the only one who has this problem, it's a common problem for women, everyone understands, they talk about it on TV too.

Life is more unfair in my case. I have the potential to change, I could meet people, have fun, but... I miss out on everything, and guess why? Because I sweat like a pig. And this is not a problem that I can solve, and this is not a common problem everyone understands... unlike yours.

So I don't think I can understand and tell you your "problem" is a "big problem". I'm sorry though to say so, I'm just thinking about MY problems these days and I tend to feel depressed ::(:
Click to expand...

I don't think we would be fair to each other to try to say who has the "bigger problems." It's easy for us to feel like we have it worse than any body out there because we are the ones experiencing it ourselves. I cannot understand what you are going through with the excessive sweating. That must be horrible. But I will not say I have it worse than you or that you have it worse than me, because you are not living in my shoes, and I am not living in yours. We are living in our own shoes. For me, it is a "big problem" because I am experiencing it. Hearing another person's suffering does not make my own problem any easier to deal with. I have male-pattern balding, which is devastating as a woman, and that is a huge factor in keeping me from letting people get to know me. I don't know if I will be completely bald in a few years, and that's a scary feeling. I also have another physical ailment, which I refuse to discuss on this site, that has been the absolute biggest factor in handicapping my social life.

I guess I was misleading in my first post. My problem is not "easy to fix" by any means. And when I say I have the "potential to change" I don't mean I will become this outgoing social butterfly. I have tried to hang out with people and it goes straight to hell because I just cannot open up. What I was meaning is that I at least would have the opportunity to try. With this phobia I have, I don't. And I know I'm not the only woman who fears getting raped, but not all women are like me in that they live alone, and have absolutely no one to watch out for them and check up on them, make sure they are okay.

In the end, we both wear our own shoes. Only we can understand our own pain and what we have to deal with, unless someone else shares the same exact issue as us. In my and your case: social anxiety. We can both relate to each other on that. As for our other problems, we just cannot rate who has it worse, because in the end, we are both suffering.

I am sorry for what you are dealing with, and I hope you start feeling better and less depressed. “May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.” I don't know who said this, but I always found this quote inspirational, even if it doesn't really help.
 
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Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
Adriano said:
Have you tried carrying something like a pepper spray or something similar,just to make you feel safer?
This is one of the reasons I like to live in Japan,I can go out at anytime even really late at night with only my bike with no worries.
Click to expand...

Are you a girl? And you can go out late at night without worrying? That must be nice. I wouldn't worry about going out late at night around here if I were with a guy or a group of people. Just within the last couple of years on my campus, a girl has come up missing, yet to be found, and another girl was murdered. It's one thing to see it on TV, another thing to happen in your own back yard.

I do carry pepper spray, but I am terrified that if I get attacked, I won't be able to react in time or will spray myself by accident. That would be a terrifying scenario.
 
sabbath

sabbath

Banned
Maybe learn a martial art, like aikido or karate. I agree a boyfriend might help get you around at night.

This country is dangerous and it's a shame. We have more people locked up than any other country, but does that make us safer? We can't walk in our streets because we'll get runned over by SUVs. All the poor people are killing each other while the rich play golf behind walls and security. We sent troops overseas to make us safer, really?

Tonight's the night we'll make history

Honey
you and I.
'Cos I'll take any risk
To tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight.

I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe it's true.
When people lock their doors and hide inside

Rumor has it
it's the end of Paradise.
But I know if the world just passed us by

Baby
I know
I wouldn't have to cry. No
no.

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
Some rain
some shine
We'll make this a world for two.
Our memories of yesterday
Will last a lifetime.
We'll take the best
forget the rest
And someday we'll find
These are the best of times.
These are the best of times.

The headlines read:
These are the worst of times

I do believe it's true.
I feel so helpless like a boat against the tide

I wish the summer wind could bring back Paradise
But I know
If the world turned upside down

Baby
I know
You'd always be around. My
my.

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
. .

When I'm alone with you
Evrything's alright.
When I'm alone with you
You brighten up the night.
Click to expand...
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
Adriano said:
Have you tried carrying something like a pepper spray or something similar,just to make you feel safer?
This is one of the reasons I like to live in Japan,I can go out at anytime even really late at night with only my bike with no worries.
Click to expand...

So Japan is a safe place? What if you were attacked by Yakuza o'r ninja's?:D
 
Nicholas

Nicholas

Well-known member
Blue Teardrops said:
I have male-pattern balding, which is devastating as a woman, and that is a huge factor in keeping me from letting people get to know me. I don't know if I will be completely bald in a few years, and that's a scary feeling. I also have another physical ailment, which I refuse to discuss on this site, that has been the absolute biggest factor in handicapping my social life.
Click to expand...

I am sorry, I had forgotten about that. ::(:
But then, you see, what we are discussing here doesn't seem to be your biggest problem. As I said, it seems to be it's pretty easy to solve, and it won't probably be a problem anymore once you have friends or a boyfriend. And in order for that to happen, maybe you need to overcome SA first... or something, so you see, this is not a major problem, it's a secondary problem, it stems from other problems. That's what I wanted to say... I didn't want to belittle your problems and be insensitive, I'm sorry again.
My hyperhidrosis is probably my biggest limitation on the other hand, so... I need to focus on that. I think you should focus mainly on your main problems too, and forget about secondary ones for now.
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
Blue Teardrops said:
Are you a girl? And you can go out late at night without worrying? That must be nice. I wouldn't worry about going out late at night around here if I were with a guy or a group of people. Just within the last couple of years on my campus, a girl has come up missing, yet to be found, and another girl was murdered. It's one thing to see it on TV, another thing to happen in your own back yard.

I do carry pepper spray, but I am terrified that if I get attacked, I won't be able to react in time or will spray myself by accident. That would be a terrifying scenario.
Click to expand...

I am a guy,if I was a girl then it would be Adriana!:D
Its just that I probably couldnt do that in my home country,if I go out even in the daylight with a new bike it would probably be stolen,to not even say late at night,I am much more anxious about this when I go out of the house there...

recluse said:
So Japan is a safe place? What if you were attacked by Yakuza o'r ninja's?
Click to expand...
From my experiences yakuza are pretty harmless,if you mind your business,they are most likely to see you as a customer,there is an area around here that everytime I go there,there are a bunch of yakuza looking guys on the street,I get asked if I want a girl or sex,its pretty cheap too,its like a day of work for me.:D
 
Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
Nicholas said:
I am sorry, I had forgotten about that. ::(:
But then, you see, what we are discussing here doesn't seem to be your biggest problem. As I said, it seems to be it's pretty easy to solve, and it won't probably be a problem anymore once you have friends or a boyfriend. And in order for that to happen, maybe you need to overcome SA first... or something, so you see, this is not a major problem, it's a secondary problem, it stems from other problems. That's what I wanted to say... I didn't want to belittle your problems and be insensitive, I'm sorry again.
My hyperhidrosis is probably my biggest limitation on the other hand, so... I need to focus on that. I think you should focus mainly on your main problems too, and forget about secondary ones for now.
Click to expand...

But it really is my biggest problem at the moment, and no, it is not an easy one to solve. Yes, I have other issues like the hair loss and other medical issue that have really taken a heavy toll on my self-esteem, social life, and overall physical and emotional health and blah blah, and they are really huge, and at this point insolvable, problems. But I am caught in a catch-22 with this big problem. If I did make friends or get a boyfriend (and boy would that be a miracle), that would still not make me safe from danger and I would still have this phobia. But, it would be nice knowing that there are people watching out for me and care that I'm okay, let alone alive. I would at least feel a little bit safer knowing I didn't always have to go everywhere alone.

Yes....to make friends, I do need to overcome SA. I understand that too well. What I am trying say is that I can't even have the opportunity to even try to overcome SA because of this debilitating fear I have of walking out my front door, or driving somewhere, or going to the grocery store because of the possibility that I could become a victim. In order to make friends, I have to be able to go out, and I couldn't even go to a cocktail party I was invited to the other night because I couldn't leave the house.

This is such a horrible, lonely feeling, and the fear is excruciating beyond description. And the worse part of it is, I am caught in a loophole that I can't get out of: I can't make friends unless I overcome my SA, and I can't overcome my SA unless I can get over this phobia, and I can't at least deal with this phobia without having a social safety net. I feel like I am in a really bad dream right now with my life tied in one big knot.

*sigh* one day my invested hope will finally pay its dues. one day I'll finally be able to say, "just let life happen."
 
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Nicholas

Nicholas

Well-known member
Ok, now I get it, sorry. Yeah, you must feel it's the problem that bothers you the most now. It's horrible to feel like you can't even try (I feel that way all the time because of my problem... I can't even be comfortable in places where I'd have to go and like to go)
But... your problem, it doesn't seem "impossible" to solve, unlike the others you have (or so you said). If you think really hard of a solution, are you sure you won't find any? Hmm, I was thinking maybe someone could pick you up at your place... If you don't have a car, it'd be a good excuse, right? But maybe you don't like to ask that to people you hardly know... I think I would be afraid of asking someone to pick me up, I would be afraid of bothering them or something. But maybe if you find someone that actually cares about being your friend, maybe they'll be happy to pick you up and... problem solved. I mean, think about a solution... there must be one. Don't give up :)
 
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