Massive Success At Club

[blue-roses]

...I had a reaffirming though.."So What?", "If no one likes me im still worth something and even the biggest douchebag has friends. Its because of what I am doing, not because of me." These thoughts have become stronger and I am hoping it continues this way. Right now the fear is strongly reduced.

That's fantastic - it's so hard to actually get those thoughts to start coming automatically, let alone to believe them (my biggest problem). Good to hear it's working for you.

Those are very harsh self-depricating thoughts. What do you think your SA is based on? I believe you might have told me once but I can't remember. Was it the fear of acting foolish?

That and many other fears, such as being ugly and defective, but even they go back to being foolish, I suppose: I'm worried people will think, "God, she's ugly, why does she even bother with nice clothes and makeup - in fact, why does she even bother to leave the house - when she looks like that? What an idiot..." etc...

You can't be so rigid, guys at clubs aren't any different really from guys in general. If a girl is a complete slut then noone will respect her no matter what situation she is in. But if she is sexy but reserved, then she gives a respectable impression. That is how others think at least. Try giving guys more of a chance. You're in control, after all.

I know, I know...what I said might've been a bit harsh. :: But I genuinely think the guys that go to the same places that my friends and I do (where alcohol is cheap, music is techno/R'n'B - yuk, not my choice - and no-one is over about twenty) are only interested in two things: drinking until they pass out in the gutter at 3a.m. and making out with some fake-tanned, mini-skirt-wearing, equally drunk girl (hopefully before either of them reaches the passing-out stage :
Even if I am in control, I still don't like to get into that awkward situation where a guy's interested and I'm not, and I have to get him to back off. Even if I really don't like him, I don't want to offend him and just acting cool does not seem to work - none of the guys I've ever been out with has got the message that way; I had to spell it out (kindly, mind) and then all but one of them thought I was a complete b*tch. They were really needy, quite desperate types, though, so maybe I'm generalising again...

 

[Phobologist]

That's fantastic - it's so hard to actually get those thoughts to start coming automatically, let alone to believe them (my biggest problem). Good to hear it's working for you.

Thanks, it will work for you too as you start to believe the new ideas.

That and many other fears, such as being ugly and defective, but even they go back to being foolish, I suppose: I'm worried people will think, "God, she's ugly, why does she even bother with nice clothes and makeup - in fact, why does she even bother to leave the house - when she looks like that? What an idiot..." etc...

Right, everything comes back to one main fear. Some people have a problem with being generally defective or incompetent (atelophobia). This is still a specific fear. There is no such thing, in my opinion, as having "multiple phobias" that make one's SA amorphous.

I know, I know...what I said might've been a bit harsh. :: But I genuinely think the guys that go to the same places that my friends and I do (where alcohol is cheap, music is techno/R'n'B - yuk, not my choice - and no-one is over about twenty) are only interested in two things: drinking until they pass out in the gutter at 3a.m. and making out with some fake-tanned, mini-skirt-wearing, equally drunk girl (hopefully before either of them reaches the passing-out stage :
Even if I am in control, I still don't like to get into that awkward situation where a guy's interested and I'm not, and I have to get him to back off. Even if I really don't like him, I don't want to offend him and just acting cool does not seem to work - none of the guys I've ever been out with has got the message that way; I had to spell it out (kindly, mind) and then all but one of them thought I was a complete b*tch. They were really needy, quite desperate types, though, so maybe I'm generalising again...

Yes it sounds like youve been out with guys who don't have much self-esteem, have a poor attitude towards women, don't respect you, and are desperate. It could be a different experience if you were to go out with men who are actually attractive. Im sure things are going to work out better for you in the near future.

 

[Remus]

 

[Phobologist]

Hahahaha

 

[718]

honestly ive had similar experiences when drunk but the depression hits when...

you realize you can't be this person when you're sober.

They key thing alcohol does is to make you stop caring what people think, which allows yourself to be more open, outgoing, and fun. But how do you know this is the "real" you anyway? It's the drunk version of you. I've had the same thoughts after a good night of drinking..."maybe THIS is the real me..." and I feel good about myself for a while then realize I can't ever be that way unless I'm drunk.

 

[Phobologist]

honestly ive had similar experiences when drunk but the depression hits when...

you realize you can't be this person when you're sober.

They key thing alcohol does is to make you stop caring what people think, which allows yourself to be more open, outgoing, and fun. But how do you know this is the "real" you anyway? It's the drunk version of you. I've had the same thoughts after a good night of drinking..."maybe THIS is the real me..." and I feel good about myself for a while then realize I can't ever be that way unless I'm drunk.

Except that I stayed the same way but more reserved the NEXT DAY when I was no longer drunk. This has been happening each day with increasing intensity. You only "think" that it isn't the real you. It is you. Drunk or not.