Making Friends 101

[outsideroftheoutsiders]

How do I make friends?

Give me some interesting, practical (for a social phob) tips etc.
I find it extremely hard to connect to anyone. I'm in a very very lonely place right now and I need SOMEONE.

Thanks.

 

[Starry]

Take genuine interest in the other person - it won't work if it's not genuine. Be a good listener (should be easier for a social phobe lol). Be complimentary, but not over the top with it and always make them genuine... Never compliment something if you don't think it is something worthy of compliment.

If you're having problems finding people, try looking for people who you share something in common with... If you're a fan of a particular type of music or band, find forums to do with it and try to talk with people there. If you're looking for people who understand SP/SA, then you're already on the right forum for that. Just try chatting to people in mini chat... Though, I'd recommend reading posts and noting the people who stand out to you as interesting/nice/fun/whatever you're looking for most in a friend.

As for real life, again, find people who share something in common... Join a hobby group or something, if you are able to do that.

 

[MikeyC]

Take genuine interest in the other person - it won't work if it's not genuine. Be a good listener (should be easier for a social phobe lol). Be complimentary, but not over the top with it and always make them genuine... Never compliment something if you don't think it is something worthy of compliment.

If you're having problems finding people, try looking for people who you share something in common with... If you're a fan of a particular type of music or band, find forums to do with it and try to talk with people there. If you're looking for people who understand SP/SA, then you're already on the right forum for that. Just try chatting to people in mini chat... Though, I'd recommend reading posts and noting the people who stand out to you as interesting/nice/fun/whatever you're looking for most in a friend.

As for real life, again, find people who share something in common... Join a hobby group or something, if you are able to do that.

Couldn't have said it better myself, really. Trying to find those with common interests as you is a very good start.

 

[Joan6466]

Why didn't I think of that? Making Friends 101. I love it! Before I developed a deadly health problem I taught classes for people with social phobias. The original title, designed by psychologists was called "Affiliation Training". Of course, only the scientists knew what that was about. So I changed the name of the course to Overcoming Shyness, Developing Friendships and Dating Skills. After I endured polite snickering over such a mouthful and unscientific title, the laughing stopped; the class was packed every month!
You, indeed, can become a social being, a happy socially-connected person.
For right now, I'd recommend talking to a counselor- to get you thru this disheartening time-- and continue communicating on this forum with the very caring and bright members. I'm talking to a counselor, myself, right now, about my financial crisis brought on by this health problem. I had to quit my career and with the economic depression I am in serious financial trouble. I have friends now, but I could overburden them with this struggle that will be ongoing until I figure a way to modify my career to accommodate this disability.
First of all, become a friend on to yourself- honoring any attempts that you make. The coach in your head is your constant companion, and you want a cheery ally to keep you trying again and again. Keep on!

 

[MNM322]

I found someone I had a RARE amazing connection with and for the first time in YEARS I was truly happy...but, a stupid misunderstanding last week, has us currently not talking and me hating myself. So I am back to not knowing how to make friends....

I wish you the best though... maybe you have better skills than me, IDK

 

[queso-blanco]

Perhaps it is best to first make a bunch of acquaintances. Making an acquaintance is not as complex of an undertaking as making a friend. Allow me to explain:
As time goes on, some of those acquaintances may disappear from your life. And some may remain in your life. An acquaintance who remains in your life, probably remains for a reason. It seems likely that the acquaintance will become a friend with time.