Is there anywhere else you can sleep in the next few days?
yeah, still in the clinic, though. but they don't want me to stay there for too long. Because they say 20 year old young people need to have a stable life and not a mental hospital. It's more a short-term thing, because they don't think my problems are dangeorus or so severe.
Of course my panic attacks feel severe and might seem severe, but still I'm not a dangeorus person and I'm intelligent enough to take care of myself. (Well, I do, technically, but emotionally with fear, I'm afraid to be alone..:$:$:$:$)
All though I can be very sad and outbursting when people hurt me, or cry a lot about life, and make it VERY huge, I used to be suicidal, when I was 17. But not anymore. I'm 20 now.
But still I feel the same emotions I felt then, but life is too precious for me
. but I do have to say
that I make a drama, when for e.g. my girlfriend would break up, I would really cry and think I can't take it any longer and I would really not focus on school or anything because I'm sick of emotions.
This also happens a lot with my parents and me in conflicts, and when I failed in stuff, when I lose a friend, when people bully me, when I think back of traumas and when I realise how sad life is with no friends at school and being afraid of who i am, self concious in the bus and getting so angry about it, and also the fact that i don't like myself, so bad, that i sometimes caught myself thinking i'm not woth it, and then be self destructive in my mind, just think i deserve no luck.
so the thoughts go really deep,
also im afraid of death so much that i keep on thinking about it and im afraid of losing people (any person in general) im afraid of the future, if i will always stay this stupid person, without a nice life. and if my parents will always stay in the negative mood of divorcing and they will always be a sad family, i can't take this... i wish they could be happy.
because i really think compared to ''normal people'' im nothing, because i am always insecure, also at school , so i lack with stuff with communication with the teacher and he even says i should be like the other students, well great. :
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