Loyal's Thoughts

[LoyalXenite]

Wow, that's a lot of life change for under 11 months, congrats! It's good to be reminded that everything can change and come together really fast in a good way.

Yeah well guess what... somehow I'm back here to remind everyone that it can all go up in fucking smoke in seconds too.

I no longer have a job, and a week before our one year anniversary she broke up with me. It happened yesterday and I am utterly devastated. I was a quite blindsinded by the it. Like she's been distant for a while, but I figured it was all the stress we've had recently, and she'd come back. But yesterday she got home from work, and she said she didn't want to be in a relationship. It's just not for her, and it's nothing I did or anything wrong between us. She just doesn't want a relationship, so right now we're trying to live together as friends and see how that goes.

I am fucking shattered and I've lost everything. Just a few months ago I had it all and I thought things were going to be great, I had a whole future planned out. And now I've lost everything.

 

[Hoth]

Hang in there. Higher heights always seem to come with deeper depths, unfortunately.

It's so perplexing when someone says nothing is wrong but they don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Been there, or similar anyway. She might change her mind repeatedly back and forth so be prepared for the rollercoaster. Living together must make it extra challenging.

 

[PugofCrydee]

So sorry to hear things have gone that way for you Loyal.. hope things turn around for you sooner rather than later.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Hang in there. Higher heights always seem to come with deeper depths, unfortunately.

It's so perplexing when someone says nothing is wrong but they don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Been there, or similar anyway. She might change her mind repeatedly back and forth so be prepared for the rollercoaster. Living together must make it extra challenging.

She seems pretty set on it so as much as I would like for her to change her mind on it, it's not likely, she's already bought a new mattress and moved to a different bedroom, she told what was our son. Family knows. It's all pretty clear she's decided on it.

Its definitely hard, but at least this way I still get to see her and have her in my life. It just hurts like absolute fucking hell. I'm trying my best to pull myself together enough to salvage our friendship but right now I don't know if that's enough. It just hurts so much. I can't sleep without her beside me, I haven't been able to eat more than a couple chips or crackers a day for days now. I just don't k ow how to get through this pain. I just want to be back in her arms and I know it's not going to happen but God I wish it would

 

[LoyalXenite]

Its still been quite a struggle. It's hard to see the family that last week I belonged in, to be there but I no longer belong. It hurts so much.

I'm struggling processing no longer being a mother to a child that I can still see but isn't mine anymore, I don't know how to begin grieving that loss.

And her. God I miss her so much. Trying to be friends means I get to still be a part of their lives but I miss everything we used to have and share and do. I feel so lost and alone and just so unwanted.

I've slipped into some bad habits again to get through this rough patch, but I'm also doing the healthy ones too. I've got a new psych appt made to get back into therapy and I'm going through the process of getting back on medication, I got some valiums from the doc to get me through this week but that isn't much and this pain is still so fucking intense its tearing me up.

I just want my family back, I want my home back, I want our life back. how did everything just turn to shit again? Why do I always have to be the one who keeps losing? Why do I always get left behind? When is someone going to think I'm worth staying for

This hurts too damn much

 

[MollyBeGood]

Its still been quite a struggle. It's hard to see the family that last week I belonged in, to be there but I no longer belong. It hurts so much.

I'm struggling processing no longer being a mother to a child that I can still see but isn't mine anymore, I don't know how to begin grieving that loss.

And her. God I miss her so much. Trying to be friends means I get to still be a part of their lives but I miss everything we used to have and share and do. I feel so lost and alone and just so unwanted.

I've slipped into some bad habits again to get through this rough patch, but I'm also doing the healthy ones too. I've got a new psych appt made to get back into therapy and I'm going through the process of getting back on medication, I got some valiums from the doc to get me through this week but that isn't much and this pain is still so fucking intense its tearing me up.

I just want my family back, I want my home back, I want our life back. how did everything just turn to shit again? Why do I always have to be the one who keeps losing? Why do I always get left behind? When is someone going to think I'm worth staying for

This hurts too damn much

Oh no I am so sorry Loyal. Is there any way to get to a therapist and talk to someone who can help you though this? Not eating is not good. I completely know how you feel with hurting so badly when your heart is broken. It’s the worst feeling in the world. But believe it or not, you will feel better and in the future you will love again someone who won’t hurt you. That is what you deserve is someone who won’t break your heart. Whoever does that doesn’t deserve your love. Hope you find someone to talk to to help you feel better soon and navigate your way back to a place you feel happy again.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Oh no I am so sorry Loyal. Is there any way to get to a therapist and talk to someone who can help you though this? Not eating is not good. I completely know how you feel with hurting so badly when your heart is broken. It’s the worst feeling in the world. But believe it or not, you will feel better and in the future you will love again someone who won’t hurt you. That is what you deserve is someone who won’t break your heart. Whoever does that doesn’t deserve your love. Hope you find someone to talk to to help you feel better soon and navigate your way back to a place you feel happy again.

I've made an appointment but its still a week and a half away. I ended up going to the ER to try and get a crisis assessment, and they gave me a few days of seroquel and an appointment today which turned out to not be what I thought and did not lead to me getting medication, so now I have to go back to the gp and try and get more valiums and a new referral for another psychiatrist to get back onto damn medication.

Its been hell, watching the family I used to be a part of. Everything is all different and I hate it all so much. I miss what we had so deeply. Every second that Im alone with my thoughts is agonizing, so I really friggin hope the docs actually start helping me soon coz at this rate Im genuinely weighing up a psych ward stay.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I've made an appointment but its still a week and a half away. I ended up going to the ER to try and get a crisis assessment, and they gave me a few days of seroquel and an appointment today which turned out to not be what I thought and did not lead to me getting medication, so now I have to go back to the gp and try and get more valiums and a new referral for another psychiatrist to get back onto damn medication.

Its been hell, watching the family I used to be a part of. Everything is all different and I hate it all so much. I miss what we had so deeply. Every second that Im alone with my thoughts is agonizing, so I really friggin hope the docs actually start helping me soon coz at this rate Im genuinely weighing up a psych ward stay.

Is there anyway to keep yourself busy with work? Can you stay away from seeing the things that are hurting you? Can you move out/stay somewhere else?
Good you got some help even it ment going to the ER. Also good you got some meds if they help you that’s wonderful. Try to be patient with yourself. Breakups are so hard and it is normal to feel like hell but do know it won’t last forever. Best advise is to get away from her and stay busy working with animals and doing the good things that make you feel needed. Get back to being with your family and friends and people who care about you. Don’t isolate yourself whatever you do-keep reaching out.