Lost

[Gap]

Hi am I here to talk about my father , what shoud I do , please guide me , i hate him so mush lately that i want kick him , he is making all my familly bad by multiple reason :
Never been a model always making us embarass
Doesn t know how to speak and when he speak he yell often , impossible to tell him something respond always by the samething : yeah you right ,i m qlways wrong . I m the bad guy nobody loves me .
He doesn t take care of us , he think about himself , selfish , he don t even see how he make us.
Why do i hate
Since 10 always been yelling ,always been making trouble , he almost 60 and instead of getting wise he getting dum , run away always impossible to speak with him , he yell and 5 min later like nothing happen , my sister run away bcs of him , he beat her once . He doesn t speak to my mom anymore he sleep on the couch and doesn t eat with us he s there.
He doesn t take care of himself , always preting attention what other think than his familly think , stay outside doesn t say where he go he drink when we go out he prefer talk to stranger than stay and take of us, watch tv super late one room next where my mom sleep and i know he watch porn , sometimes i can t sleep ( i am upstair he is and my mom are my mom are downstair) because when he come late and often drunk i m scare he yell , he even say i die you ll be happy how can a dad say that to his familly , last year my mom doesn t speak whit my dad for a long time , and he start drinking instead of trying to change the fact , he was embaraasing me by telling around drunk i am single , one night i even caught him drunk laying down on the floor the bathroom crying. And this year the same over but he think he s right and keep not talking . And wait to my mom to apologize . I hate him so much , i don t even know why my mom is still maried

Sorry if it is long and not understanble I have to write it down to feel a little better

What should I do ?

 

[Nanita]

Hello. I´m sorry for you don´t really know what you should do.
My father is a very difficult person too and his mood swings and alcoholism has effected me a lot. I have been through therapy and have tried to understand why he is how he is, and in which ways he has effected me. That has helped I guess, to get clarity.

 

[Gap]

I m so scare to become like him he never teach me anything good and i am wondering does my sa come from him

 

[satstrn]

Plan your escape. School is your way out. Educate yourself. Learn to write. I dont know how old you are, but if you can do well enough in school you can qualify for a scholarship to college. Leave em all behind. Did I mention learn to write?

 

[jaim38]

Can't you go live with your sister, at least temporarily?

My mom is sort of similar to your dad. She sleeps on the couch and sometimes I wonder if my parents' marriage is all for show. She doesn't have drinking problems, but she seems mentally deranged, maybe from dementia. No one can reason with her. It's embarrassing to see her talking bad about others or saying things that don't make sense. She's not a good role model.

 

[Gap]

Hi sorry about my writing , I don't speak english often , i can' t go live with my sister she runs away to another country , to be honest my school life isn't that good right now , I like what i do but my shyness affects me a lot and i litteraly don't speak to anyone in school , when i don t understand something i don t even ask ,that s killing me , i wondering if it s my father fault if i don't speak bcs i know when i was a boy i was quiete bcs i did want to say anything bed to mzke him angry .

 

[JohnDee]

I understand all too well, don't blame your mum as she is a victim of the routine and may feel the need to put up with it for the family. The best you can do is become good at something, study or fix computers, get a job become independant, once you do your father has no real power over you, only the power your fear gives him. Be aware that he is a bad example, that way you can actively catch yourself when you start emulating him and stop yourself.

 

[Fin]

I had all this when I was younger off my father. He was mentally and physically abusive to me and my mom. It screwed us both up BIG. Like people have said its not your moms fault. I have no idea what you could do but have a few suggestions..
Sit them all down in a room and confront the issues head on (scary as hell but some things gotta give)
Leave with your mom.
Seek outside help a friend maybe or friend of your moms?
Please be self aware as someone has said above, believe me that is not a path you want to go down..
Being like the way you are is not bad or a massive crime its how you have conditioned yourself to cope, the only way you know how to cope. I used to be shy and awkward still am sometimes, in fact I still have a long way to go to being 'normal' We are all here for you if you want to chat so please don't feel alone. I was thinking its a shame this forum isn't actually a physical group people can go to to meet people to sit and chat about things to people who understand.<if that makes sense?

cyber ((hugs)) to you OP