Ecclesiastes
Well-known member
I know I've made a post from one of my thread regarding the loss of my beloved pet dog but I just wanna vent and not bottle things up because these unspoken emotions are killing me - literally..
It has been about going 3 days since Bubbles has left me. These 3 days felt like the longest time of torment I was ever placed to go through.. Every morning is a dread for me and I never dare to open my eyes because I know in the past the moment I open my eyes, Bubbles will be the first thing I see - She always have the habit of waiting for me to wake up by my side every morning.
Idk if you call this hallucination, but sometimes it feels as though she's still around. Like usually when I'm using the PC, she'd be resting on her bed looking at me. At times, when I'm facing the PC, it'd naturally occur to me to know that she is there. It is when I want to turn to her to make a silly face (like I always do to annoy her in the playful sense) that I realised.. the bed is empty.
It really kills me. I get so tired and sick (in fact I think I already am) of life I don't even know why am I still here. For the past 7 years, she was the reason I lived on because she was the one that had walked me out of depression, of SA. Now that she's gone.. I feel really empty inside.
In the past, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up because of long-distance factors.. I was really devastated, I'd cry and think of him a lot and I thought that was already the extreme of how heartbroken one can feel from the loss of someone you love..
..but the loss of this little one made me realised something. That the breakup was nothing compared to the grief and heartbreak I'm going through right now.
My tears are flowing continuously, at every thought of her that fills up my mind, I feel as if God tore off a part of me and I couldn't stop crying.
I have been trying so hard to tell myself that she's free from her illnesses and pain, trying to believe my mom's words that she's become a little angel that is always around me to protect me.. but I still cannot accept the fact that she has left me physically and we're both separated from different worlds.
I miss her terribly, if I ever have the choice the first thing I wanna do is to do the way any way, long as it can bring me to her. I can give up every single thing in my life that I have, I just want to be with her.. I had promised her to bring her to the 3 famous nature parks in my country but because of her condition, I never had the chance to fulfill but only 1 of them when she was still healthy.
Just days before her death she was perfectly normal and well I was already planning to rent a car and drive her out.. but I can never fulfill this promise to her anymore..
I hate myself. I hate myself to the core max that I didn't make it in time. I feel like a murderer, I couldn't save her.. and she had to die off before my eyes and there was nothing I could do...
It has been about going 3 days since Bubbles has left me. These 3 days felt like the longest time of torment I was ever placed to go through.. Every morning is a dread for me and I never dare to open my eyes because I know in the past the moment I open my eyes, Bubbles will be the first thing I see - She always have the habit of waiting for me to wake up by my side every morning.
Idk if you call this hallucination, but sometimes it feels as though she's still around. Like usually when I'm using the PC, she'd be resting on her bed looking at me. At times, when I'm facing the PC, it'd naturally occur to me to know that she is there. It is when I want to turn to her to make a silly face (like I always do to annoy her in the playful sense) that I realised.. the bed is empty.
It really kills me. I get so tired and sick (in fact I think I already am) of life I don't even know why am I still here. For the past 7 years, she was the reason I lived on because she was the one that had walked me out of depression, of SA. Now that she's gone.. I feel really empty inside.
In the past, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up because of long-distance factors.. I was really devastated, I'd cry and think of him a lot and I thought that was already the extreme of how heartbroken one can feel from the loss of someone you love..
..but the loss of this little one made me realised something. That the breakup was nothing compared to the grief and heartbreak I'm going through right now.
My tears are flowing continuously, at every thought of her that fills up my mind, I feel as if God tore off a part of me and I couldn't stop crying.
I have been trying so hard to tell myself that she's free from her illnesses and pain, trying to believe my mom's words that she's become a little angel that is always around me to protect me.. but I still cannot accept the fact that she has left me physically and we're both separated from different worlds.
I miss her terribly, if I ever have the choice the first thing I wanna do is to do the way any way, long as it can bring me to her. I can give up every single thing in my life that I have, I just want to be with her.. I had promised her to bring her to the 3 famous nature parks in my country but because of her condition, I never had the chance to fulfill but only 1 of them when she was still healthy.
Just days before her death she was perfectly normal and well I was already planning to rent a car and drive her out.. but I can never fulfill this promise to her anymore..
I hate myself. I hate myself to the core max that I didn't make it in time. I feel like a murderer, I couldn't save her.. and she had to die off before my eyes and there was nothing I could do...
i should imagine that dog loved you 2 bits ... remember its only been 3 days since she died , and its going to take time to stop hurting so much ... i do have to say reading all that nearly brought a tear to my eyes ... god i wish there were more animal owners out there like you lol ... bubbles will live on through your memory , and if she is watching you lol , im sure she would hate to see you so unhappy ... give it time the hurt will pass , and then you will be left with her memorys , make them good ones .....just so you know a freind of mine had the same thing , it was a cat called joey , when joey died 3 weeks later he got another cat and called it joey number 2 , like he said it wasnt joey but it helped him deal with the loss .... as i said you gave her a wonderfull life , she was a lucky dog 
