losing friendships

[CC81]

It seems since I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression almost two years ago that I've just had trouble maintaining my friendships. This is mainly because of my actions e.g. becoming over-clingy and being a bit of a downer around people when depressed. It's now to the point where I know a couple of people don't like me anymore and I just feel like I've out used my welcome with others. This makes me angry and more depressed, at times it feels like everyone is against me for having anxiety and depression. I don't think some people really understand what it's like to be socially anxious and I've been told that I don't take advice (I do, it's just that I don't always show it). On the other hand I can see where my friends are coming from.

Has having social anxiety/depression changed your friendships?

 

[The Nephilim]

Do all of your friends know you have it?

Are you close enough with any of them that you can sit down and be open with them to talk about it. It may be helpful for you (possibly hurtful too of course) to be aware of how they are feeling about it. As hard as it is to bring up, I think most people will understand if you come to them with an open heart about it (you'll know who and who won't)

It just reforces the problem you already have if you're adding this kind of worry to the mix.

You are fortunate to have friends to start with. Those worth keeping will understand and maybe love you more for confiding . Easier said than done though huh.

 

[Lost Girl]

My SA affects my friendships just with the fact that I rarely/never call friends to hang out or even just talk ( I have a bigg issue with talking over the phone - hate it! ). I guess they just assume that I'm lazy about it or something and expect others to make the first move.

 

[bony666]

yes, it has destroyed my previous friendships; and stopped me from making new ones

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Definitely. Since I've had it since childhood, the few friendships I made while in my childhood disappeared by my early teens. The one friendship that remained has been a struggle ever since. I don't even know why we're still friends. She rarely talks to me & we have nothing in common & rarely even communicate anymore or see each other. Just emails occasionally. I know a lot of it is because I was always too afraid to do anything & would always say no when she would invite me anywhere. & even now that I can do some things, on the rare occasion she asks me to do something, it's something I can't handle. The last two places she asked me to were a dance club & a winery. Just the idea of a club terrifies me & I hate drinking & she knows it, so why she would ever ask me to a winery, I don't know. I think she only asked me there because she knew I would say no.

 

[CC81]

Do all of your friends know you have it?

Are you close enough with any of them that you can sit down and be open with them to talk about it. It may be helpful for you (possibly hurtful too of course) to be aware of how they are feeling about it. As hard as it is to bring up, I think most people will understand if you come to them with an open heart about it (you'll know who and who won't)

It just reforces the problem you already have if you're adding this kind of worry to the mix.

You are fortunate to have friends to start with. Those worth keeping will understand and maybe love you more for confiding . Easier said than done though huh.

These are good points. All friends in question know about my problems (even if they don't fully understand, but I can't hold that against them) and have seen some of the negative effects of it firsthand.

A couple of guys I need to talk to because they blatently act like jerks towards me. Naturally I find it hard to engage in anything that may be confrontational but I know I need to do it for my sanity as much as anything.

 

[michaellipz]

dont know how i have after 2 years but i have kept many of my friends. i can feel it all drifting apart though more and more as the months go by

 

[AsHLeY]

I usually go through friendships pretty quickly, unfortunately. Usually last only about 1 or 2 years. I envy those ppl who were "friends since birth" etc. It's hard to not drift from them for me.

 

[Moonie]

It's hard for me to make and maintain friendships. The last girl friend I had was when I was 17. She was a neighborhood friend (we were friends from about 5 to 17 years, until we drifted apart.) Since then, I could never make another friend that was a girl.

I thought maybe it's because it is hard for me to relate to girls or something. But the truth is, I have a hard time relating to boys too - on just a friends basis. Those guy "friends" I have had over the years wanted more than friendship, so they were willing to stick around longer and try to get to know me. And I guess it's easier to open up with someone- when you have to be somewhat flirty with them. You can't flirt and touch girls, so I can't get that closeness with them.

 

[zlench]

Lost all mine due to SA.

 

[jbeenthere]

losing friends and not being able to explain to them why you act different is the worst. probably the worst thing a human can go through. when you're too frozen up in social situations to talk and joke around it just feels like you are suffocating without love.

 

[da_illest101]

I lost a few friends, and it also prevent to get new friendships or make them go to another level. I Lost some great friends along the way ::

 

[Pink_Paula]

I lost all my friends because of my SA and being agoraphobic didn't help either, people will only ask you out so much before getting bored of hearing you saying no! I'm beginning to get some old friends back though, it's been hard and stressful because i've had to go out to meet them but it's been worth it to see them again.

 

[apollo]

I lost my friends due to this like many others here.

 

[Kustamogen]

my issues are panic related and not so much SA related.....but I can definitely see why ppl with SA lose their friendships (or cant get new ones).....most SA'ers have no sense of humor and to be close with people that is one of the things thats needed most.

 

[Eam]

A few.. it was a case of drifting further and further apart, with them living successful lives and then being too awkward to try and keep them. I actually had a call not too long ago from one of those friends (I think he was having a party - birthday maybe) but just didn't pick up the phone as I felt extremely uncomfortable at the thought of going to the party. Sad, I know.

 

[michaellipz]

eam i know how that is. its such a crappy feeling knowing there are people who wanto see me or invite me somewhere but i just dont have it in me to go. or if i do go i feel like a burden or something because the ones who know about my anxiety tend to do things with me that are more toned down than what they usually do. all of my friends are normal college guys/girls and im just stuck watching them accomplish things and enjoy themselves :/