Long distance relationships

[JCVA]

Are there any tips to maintain this kind of relationship?

So here is my situation.

I've finally had the courage to tell my childhood friend my feelings for her and now were a couple. Problem is she is miles away and she is my first. I don't have any skills whatsoever and I think she is losing interest in me. I don't know why but before confessing my love to her, I use to have an easy time talking to her on skype and facebook chat. Right now though, its a mess. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to talk her to her properly anymore. Even simple messages I choke up because I'm afraid she'll interpret it the wrong in some way. I don't want to lose her.

So how do I do this right. What should I do to keep her interested in me?

 

[Kato]

I know so little details.I wouldn't know exactly what you should do in this situation.

I would attempt not to panic. I would remain attentive, charming, and seemingly in control of myself.

If I were to feel and or looked shocked at this point, it might be misinterpreted.

Then who knows, she might be into an awkward moment. I know I like them from time to time. Even if only to laugh alone for a moment.

 

[Feathers]

Can you talk to her about this?

What she expects from a long-distance relationship or your relationship in particular?
Maybe she even doesn't expect much and it's mostly all in your head?
Or she would prefer to see you more, or whatever..
It's difficult for us to tell, as we don't know you guys... What age are we talking here? 15-20 or 24+ or 30+ or 65? It can all make a difference...

And how many miles are we talking? 60+ or 200 or 2000 or...?

What are your schedules and lives like too? College, high school, both working, one or both of you not...? What is the money situation and what are your plans? What is public transport like, do you have cars or rely on other people or public transport?

Even simple messages I choke up because I'm afraid she'll interpret it the wrong in some way. I don't want to lose her.

How could she interpret it in a wrong way? That you love her too much/or too little? What's the worst case scenario and what can you do then?

If she's a cool girl she might even like you more if you confess you feel awkward around her cause you love her so much, or something like that? Depends on her personality though.. You probably know her well..
If you're not sure, maybe try to ask indirectly sort of..

Do you know what her 'languages of love' are? This may help to know, how to show her you really like her so she understands.. (There are books and a website about this - Five languages of love. Read about it, you probably know from observation already, what she likes most..)

What is she interested in and what did you guys like doing together? Things to consider..

 

[JCVA]

@Feathers

Thanks for the lengthy reply

A little info about us.

Were both the same age of 23. She lives in Philippines while Im here in Canada. So in regards of visiting one another, it is difficult. Can't really save for a fare to go there because you know, gotta pay the bills and all, and this job of mine isn't really stable.

The thing about this relationship is it just started 2 weeks ago and I don't why Im having doubts already =S. Although you're probably right. Maybe Im over-thinking things and there all in my head.

Five languages of love eh. I'll check it out.

Thanks again

 

[Feathers]

Okay, 23 is a good age!!

Also it's good that you're working and saving money!

Have you ever met in RL? Does she work/study/stay at home..?
These are things that might be good to consider too..
What kind of a person is she? What is important to her?

If she's Catholic/religious and likes long walks, it can be very different than if she's liberal and likes clubs and bars..
There are also different things to talk about..

This is very fresh then, eh? Well, it can be a really good time, of you two getting to know each other and seeing if you are really compatible (or just thought you were..)

I think it's good that you two have a life outside the relationship too, to balance it a bit.. And so you can keep telling each other interesting things.. And ideally you'd try to manage to save some money too, not just for the trips (long distance can be costly, I know.. friends of mine have had long distance relationships and they sort of worked, one of them is married to her man now, it could be costly though, yeah..)
There are some cool testimonials on Ave Maria Singles website too (don't laugh )
It really depends on the people if long-distance works or not, and how it works.. And what expectations and beliefs both of you have etc.

 

[mads]

Okay, 23 is a good age!!

Also it's good that you're working and saving money!

Have you ever met in RL? Does she work/study/stay at home..?
These are things that might be good to consider too..
What kind of a person is she? What is important to her?

If she's Catholic/religious and likes long walks, it can be very different than if she's liberal and likes clubs and bars..
There are also different things to talk about..

This is very fresh then, eh? Well, it can be a really good time, of you two getting to know each other and seeing if you are really compatible (or just thought you were..)

I think it's good that you two have a life outside the relationship too, to balance it a bit.. And so you can keep telling each other interesting things.. And ideally you'd try to manage to save some money too, not just for the trips (long distance can be costly, I know.. friends of mine have had long distance relationships and they sort of worked, one of them is married to her man now, it could be costly though, yeah..)
There are some cool testimonials on Ave Maria Singles website too (don't laugh )
It really depends on the people if long-distance works or not, and how it works.. And what expectations and beliefs both of you have etc.

Very good post. I agree with you 100%

 

[punklove]

Just try your best to not focus on what your saying to her... try to make things the same as they were before. There's a reason she seems to be losing interest and it's most likely because your not as talkative as you once were so if I were you I'd try and put those walls in between you guys down and just talk as if you were talking to your bestfriend. If she judges you negatively or gets mad at you for no reason then that's her loss. Talk to her about your issues and open up to her you may be pleasantly surprised with her reaction.

 

[JCVA]

Update: 1 year from now.

I am now going through the phase where we hardly talk to each other any more. I don't really feel anything for her any more and I am sure she feels the same way. What did I get from this experience? A lot of bitterness and I can't do this sort of thing in the future.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Update: 1 year from now.

I am now going through the phase where we hardly talk to each other any more. I don't really feel anything for her any more and I am sure she feels the same way. What did I get from this experience? A lot of bitterness and I can't do this sort of thing in the future.

Long distance relationships suck! I should make that sentence bold: Long distance relationships suck! One year is not that bad. I am going on year four...

These sorts of relationships can only work well if a relationship was established prior to living apart; and, if the distance is only short-term and there are plans to be together again in the same city in a permanent way. Visits would be fine if they are frequent, but how frequent can they be when it is so expensive to travel?

I understand your bitterness, but you learned an important lesson. And hopefully you two can still keep in touch and be friends.