loneliness..

[exquisite]

I don't know if I've ever felt as lonely as I feel right now.. lonely & depressed. SA is such a bitch.. & it feels like the more depressed I get, the more I keep to myself, which of course, then leads to even more loneliness, which in turn makes me more depressed. I feel like I'm just going in a circle..

And I'm terrified of meeting new people, it's so hard for me to just go up to someone & start a conversation, add that to the fact that I get so self-conscious about what they're thinking about me & how they're judging me and it's impossible for me to make any new friends. I feel worthless & simply unnecessary..

It's funny, I feel as if the walls of my house are my own prison, even though I don't consider myself to be an agoraphobic. Whenever I go out, I attempt to have fun & put a smile on, I can be super social sometimes & have so much fun. Yet, as soon as I get into the confines of my door, I go back into depression & feeling sorry for myself..

Sometimes, my good moods last me for a long time too, maybe a couple of months, or a few weeks.. but then, I go back to the same place. Ugh. I hate myself, since it's all just in my head..shouldn't I be able to control it? ::

 

[slicknsly]

I know how you feel. I have good days and bad. Alot of times if I am feeling lonely I will go on a walk or run just to get fresh air, and regular exercise is one of the best ways to fight depression. And yes it is all in your head, though sometimes it may seem impossible to get through, you will and there will always be a better day. SA feeling can be greatly reduced with drugs of the right prescription. As of right now I am battling these feelings on my own by trying to keep my mind occupied. Hope you feel better! . Having a hobby helps

 

[exquisite]

I know how you feel. I have good days and bad. Alot of times if I am feeling lonely I will go on a walk or run just to get fresh air, and regular exercise is one of the best ways to fight depression. And yes it is all in your head, though sometimes it may seem impossible to get through, you will and there will always be a better day. SA feeling can be greatly reduced with drugs of the right prescription. As of right now I am battling these feelings on my own by trying to keep my mind occupied. Hope you feel better! . Having a hobby helps

idk, it just feels like when i have bad days, they're not just bad days, they're living nightmares. i just lock myself up & drive myself crazy with my thoughts. & yet, there's something i love about being alone. i don't have to worry about being judged or ridiculed, and i don't have to worry about trusting anyone or meeting people. i'm just by myself.
i did just realize that i have SA, but i always knew i had depression.. i wonder, does it count if i self-diagnosed myself? i mean, i know i have basically all the symptoms of SA.. and i want to fight this, although meds sound like heaven, i don't want to get hooked & not be able to survive without pills..i want to do it on my own, to completely change my SA & just kill if off in me, not just find a quickie fix for the time being..although that's starting to sound more & more appealing.
i work out pretty much every day, & you're right, it does make me feel better for the next 12 hours..but then it wears off, almost like a pill. & i'm back to the beginning again. heh, i wish i could focus on school..i'm in my 2nd year in university, but i'm simply too down to ever truly put myself into my studies.. argh. dammit.

 

[SilentType]

I share all of your feelings, and I was in your very position of just going through the motions of University, not really "putting myself into my studies." I couldn't take it and had to withdraw from school completely. Working from home at the moment trying to get a bit of a business started out of my garage. I had such a bright future up until tenth grade in high school, when my panic attacks started taking control of my life. I tried to continue down the same path on different roads but everything just ended up falling apart around me. Now I'm in the process of rebuilding all that has fallen apart, and finding the path that is calling me.


Peace

Peace

 

[slicknsly]

Silentype, Ive never been on any prescriptions like exquisite, and I see you have a pill as your avatar so I'm guessing you are on that? I am reluctant to get on medication because I feel the same way about it as exquisite, and no health insurance anyway...but I was wondering how much does it help you? How differently do you act/feel? Will it take away the tension/sadness/anger?

 

[DillJenkins]

I am the same way as the rest. I identify with the house being like a prison. It feels like a mental institution here.

I almost never leave my house anymore. I dont really consider myself a true agoraphobic cause im not afraid of having panic attack. I simply avoid most every social situation that causes me anxiety which is aboot 99% of my interactions.

I have taken many pills for anxiety. Benzodiazepines will give you short term help but you will become dependent and tolerant with regular use. Other medicines like SSRI's are perfectly safe although they don't work for all (like myself).

If anxiety or depression is preventing you from functioning how you want to then I say go on pills.

 

[206Raider]

I have some good days but mostly I feel hopeless everyday

 

[Dronee]

You mentioned that you work out often... Is that at home with some dumbells and exercise equipment or gym or just jogging through the park?

I find jogging usually works for me. But there's still bad days nonetheless...

 

[PunkRotten]

Read: The Anxiety and Phobia workbook

 

[SilentType]

Silentype, Ive never been on any prescriptions like exquisite, and I see you have a pill as your avatar so I'm guessing you are on that? I am reluctant to get on medication because I feel the same way about it as exquisite, and no health insurance anyway...but I was wondering how much does it help you? How differently do you act/feel? Will it take away the tension/sadness/anger?

I just recently got switched back to Klonopin 1 mg 3x daily, so I guess I have to update my avatar. Medication is only part of recovering from illnesses like ours. In some cases it may not be needed at all. In my case, I have panic disorder, so I keep the benzos in me simply to keep the recurrent panic attacks to a minimum. It is by no means a cure, but it does make it easier to bare these recurring panic attacks. I'm also getting CBT, but I've tried it in the past and nothing ever came of it.

I'd say it helps maybe 20%. I am more mellow when I have benzos in me, but by no means do they make me more social. They definitely take away the tension aspect of things, but the sadness and anger continue to boil inside me. Hope I answered ur questions.


Peace