Living with MIL- I need my own space!

[TheNewZero]

Anyone else go completely crazy when they're living with someone else? I'm stuck living with my MIL at the moment and perhaps indefinitely because she has a lot of anxiety and attachment issues with her son (she got anxiety attacks and depression last time he moved out). I absolutely can't stand it and am dying for my own space and my own house. As it is I feel like a guest in her house, and during the day when it's just me and her in the house together, I feel like I'm banished to our bedroom. The house is small and therefore if I want to go into the kitchen to get something to eat or the living room, I always bump into her and she always tries to have a conversation with me. Ah! She talks to herself nonstop, all the time, and when she's not talking to herself she's either singing or yelling at the bird. And sometimes I catch her talking to herself about me, just now she said "I wonder where Anne is, I guess she's still sleeping". It's 12:20 in the afternoon, why would I be asleep still? Now I'm thinking why on Earth would she think that I would be asleep at this hour, is it because she thinks I'm lazy? Why does she think that, is it because I'm always in my room, should I go out into the living room more, and if so do what? Sit there awkwardly and try to make conversation?

It all makes me so nervous, and I'm always on my toes thinking that she's going to come into my room and start to talk to me (which she frequently does throughout the day). I'm 4 months pregnant, so sometimes I just NEED my afternoon nap, but I'm always afraid to because I don't want her to come over to talk to me and find me asleep. I just get weirded out and don't like people seeing me when I'm sleeping. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice enough lady, I'm just not comfortable at all around her, and feel like I'm always intruding and always doing/saying the wrong thing when she tries to interact with me. And to make things better, we can't move out because of her issues! Grr!

I've always been this way with everyone. Even my mom's housekeeper who's been working for my mom since I was 17 I don't like being around. When I was in college, I hated my roommates and they hated me because I was so quiet and awkward around them, never knowing when to talk and when to give them their personal space, so I ended up just ignoring them and being as quiet as possible, which made me seem anti-social. The worst part is that no matter how long I live with people, and no matter how hard they try, I just never warm up to them and never get used to living with them.

 

[mmmm]

I don't know what to say to you. I've had painters in my house for four days and we're expecting them to be here for at least another week. I'm going nuts!!! I feel like I'm not allowed going upstairs into any of the bedrooms because I'll disturb them. When they come downstairs I always have to give them a stupid smile and comment and they do they same when they see me. Not to mention my oh-so-shy bladder that refuses to function with strangers in the house. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you.

 

[worrywort]

oh god, that sounds like hell! I definitely need my own space. The more the better. Ideally I'd live alone, with a perimeter fence of about a mile in diameter. I think, then, I may finally feel like I can relax!

I shared a flat with 4 other guys at uni and it was pretty tough at times. The worst thing was that they'd invite loads of people over and then hang out in the living room, so that I couldn't get to the kitchen or toilet without passing them all. But I guess after a couple of years of this you get used to it, and I learnt to just stop caring what they think. I'd just head to the kitchen or toilet and remind myself in my head that I'm perfectly within my rights to do so. It's my house too and there's nothing weird about it. I'd always prepare myself to just give a smile or simple greeting to whoever may be there, but that I didn't have any further responsibility beyond that. I think it's unreasonable to expect a person to engage in conversation every time they go to use their own kitchen or toilet. So I'd usually leave any conversation up to other people, if they happen to have anything to say.

I guess, on the bright side, if your mother in law talks a lot, at least you don't have to worry about awkward silences. The only thing you have to worry about is if she talks to you too much, so it might be worth deciding how much time you're willing to give her, and then politely excusing yourself if she goes over that limit.

But if you're gonna be living with each other, possibly for a while, it might be worth setting up some bounderies between you both, which I'm always really bad at doing. My sisters are great, they'll just tell you straight if you're treading on their toes! I wish I could do that. I tend to just drop little hints and hope they get the picture. But I think communication of some form is neccessary to keep things peaceful.

 

[JamesSmith]

I'm 26 and have been living with my parents for the last 4 years, I totally get where you are coming from. The bathroom is right behind the tv of the tv/living room so I basically have mommy and daddy monitoring my bathroom trips. Then on the weekends my dad sleeps in that room so I feel like I'm waking him up every time i need to urinate. Which makes this an even bigger issue is that is use the restroom about 14-15 times a day because I need to stay hydrated or my digestive system goes haywire and I can't think straight. It doesn't help that i have a tiny bladder. But yeah, the kitchen is a hassle too. It's a small house, so whenever my parents are in the kitchen I can hear them blabbering and complaining about some meaningless stuff, and if i need to eat or use the restroom i have to pass them 2 times every time. I know it could be worse, I could be homeless, but this still really sucks. I've turned in 20+ applications and still don't have a job so it looks like i could be in this situation for a while. I'm really big on privacy, and I don't have the privacy i want.