Like a punch in the gut

[combat]

So at work I was in the back of one of the work vehicles with 2 coworker, one of them being the girl I really like. And I was being asked "so what do you want to do for your break, where do you want to get dropped off," stuff of that nature and I really just felt like I was being put on the spot. I don't know why, it's stupid but I was just feeling very self-conscious (I often do when people ask me things that require an even remotely personal decision, I guess it's that feeling of being judged). So I was answering with "I don't know, doesn't matter to me," etc.

And then the girl says "(insert my first name), you need to talk!" Ouch. It's been a while since I've been told that and it's like a sucker punch to the gut because now I REALLY feel self-conscious, like now every single word I utter will be carefully analyzed. God I really suck, I thought I was making good progress with her... now I just don't know. Girls don't like guys lacking confidence, right? Ugh. I am so frustrated right now. I'll try to just pretend it never happened and keep on doing what I've been doing (worst that can happen is she wont hang out with me again), but f***... I feel like such a loser now.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I think this is a good example of people meaning things completely different than how brain damaged people like us tend to take them.

Seems to me that if she wants you to talk more, it means she wants to get to know you better. Which has the implication that she likes you at least in some sense. She was probably thinking more along the lines of 'what's in there?' than 'damn he lacks confidence, I shall now proceed to mate with the alpha male'.

 

[hydrapower]

I would say in the grand scheme of things (i.e. your friendship with this girl) this is really nothing. Don't make it out to be much more than it is. Please. You'll just psych yourself out and make yourself crazy. She and the other people you were with have probably already forgotten the comment was even made.

Also, speaking as someone who used to be very much a doormat/unable to make decisions/not wanting to rock the boat or step on toes, etc....the vast majority of the time just bucking up and making a decision or expressing an opinion works out positively rather than negatively. My wife actually does not hate me forever or run away crying if I show such assertiveness. We end up actually having better communication and decision-making than if I just defer to her all the time.

Chill.

 

[206Raider]

Just got to keep on pushing man, what seems bad today could be nothing tomorrow. I've had that same feeling when people wanted me to talk and then I talked less becuase then I feel like I'm being forced to and that they are judging whatever I say. But it's not so bad I went right back at it the next day and just don't let yourself get down becuase nobody wants to be around a sad person all the time so try and stay positive and keep talking to her. If you aren't living life you might as well be dead.

 

[humansrare]

People say that without realizing it makes the other person even more uncomfortable and even less inclined to speak. My friend jokes around a lot and says "Shut up, Nikki!" when I'm being really quiet..haha. You're dwelling on it but she probably didn't think anything of it. So, you shouldn't either. Like someone said above, it seems like she wants to talk to you more! And yeah it is true for most, girls like confident guys. But that doesn't matter just be yourself, and know that you are your biggest criticizer. :]

 

[combat]

I know... I just hate being so unsure of where I really stand. And I'm getting the feeling she is deliberately ignoring my texts now too (no, I'm not psychotically bombarding her or anything, but there's a definite change in responsiveness from, say, a week ago). So I don't know if this is to try to get me to actually talk more or if she is getting annoyed by me altogether. I would like to think it's to get me to talk instead of text, so I'll operate under that assumption and just suck it up and give her a call over the weekend... but the nagging pessimist inside of me is screaming "she knows you like her and wants you to go away already."

I hate being this way. Fighting yourself can be really tiring sometimes...

Chill.

I know. I'll try my best.

 

[combat]

So after way too much thinking and analyzing I'm just gonna bite the bullet, call her on Saturday, chit chat for a bit and see if she's up for anything. Logic tells me that this is the best thing to do because it sure beats wallowing around, doing nothing, and then feeling sorry for myself when this doesn't go anywhere because I'm too paralyzed to make a move.

F*** shyness, I refuse to let it win this battle.

 

[eski]

Nice man! Way to beat down the shyness. Let us know how it goes..!

 

[Weirdo]

I've been through the same thing not so long ago...getting a girl to like you is so complicated, you never know where you're at :X

Anyway, keep us updated! My presumption is that, at the end of that Saturday evening, when you feel you're finally going to kiss her, she will bring up the "just friends" cliché and you'll be depressed for the next month. Don't want to discourage you or anything, I just love making cynical, "harsh reality" presumptions. ^_^

 

[losttroy]

You know, that girl sounds like she likes you also. She's kicking you in the butt, man. It's never easy to approach people or express one's feelings--with SA, it's ten times worse. But if you got her tele number, ring her. If you feel scared to talk there, maybe get on her IM, or even invite her here! Whatever, you'll be able to talk then, and possibly figure out what you both want. Best of luck to ya.

 

[klytus]

There is no way to get anyone to like you. They either like you or they don't. If they do not, there is not much - if anything at all - that you can do to change their feelings. Especially it is nigh impossible to -make- a girl fall in love with you. There's always a very significant random component.

[...] at the end of that Saturday evening, when you feel you're finally going to kiss her, she will bring up the "just friends" cliché and you'll be depressed for the next month. Don't want to discourage you or anything, I just love making cynical, "harsh reality" presumptions. ^_^

Haha. That's a motivator. I am sure Combat feels better now with that in mind.

 

[hydrapower]

And I'm getting the feeling she is deliberately ignoring my texts now too (no, I'm not psychotically bombarding her or anything, but there's a definite change in responsiveness from, say, a week ago).

The thing about text messaging is that it can be very unreliable sometimes. Last week one of my best friends didn't respond to four different texts from me. This is a person who normally responds to texts pretty much right away. I could have freaked out and wondered if I did something wrong or OMG does she even like me anymore and then sent her even more texts asking what's wrong and why won't you get back to me etc etc etc and have a big drama-fest.

But no, I didn't say or assume anything about it and as it turns out there were perfectly logical explanations why as I found out later the next time I talked to her. She even apologized to me about it. But no biggie, it's just one of those things.

Now, if you guys are together face-to-face and she seems distant or distracted you might say "everything OK? you seem down/pre-occupied". Don't assume you're the problem, maybe her dog died or someone called her fat or something totally random, unrelated to you like that.

 

[combat]

Haha, well... seems I wasn't the only one who thought about yesterday's little "talk!" statement. I ran into her today and talked to her like normal about work for a bit. Then out of nowhere she says "you didn't think I was being mean to you yesterday, did you? Because (insert another colleague's name here) thinks I was being mean when I told you to talk." She looked so worried I practically melted right on the spot... she said "because you know me, my mouth can be really blunt sometimes." I said "yeah, I know, and you weren't being mean. It's not like I was being very talkative, it's OK."

So I think it was something that was just said out of frustration. I've been way more flirty and open/forward with texting her than I've been in person (and she's always responded well to it, so I know she likes it), so she obviously knows there's more to me than I often reveal in the flesh. It's almost like toying with her because it's like I'm much more daring and funny in text but then in person she gets so much less from being around me than she might expect. I can easily see how that can frustrate a girl. Definitely something I will work toward correcting forthwith.

I could have freaked out and wondered if I did something wrong or OMG does she even like me anymore and then sent her even more texts asking what's wrong and why won't you get back to me etc etc etc and have a big drama-fest.

Don't worry. I would never do that. I have plenty of issues, but being a psychotic text stalker certainly isn't one of them.

There is no way to get anyone to like you. They either like you or they don't. If they do not, there is not much - if anything at all - that you can do to change their feelings. Especially it is nigh impossible to -make- a girl fall in love with you. There's always a very significant random component.

Excellent point. There's certainly enough evidence at this point that she likes me on a certain basic level. The only question remaining is what level that is. As to falling in love, well, that's only possible by spending time with someone. Which is the point of what I'm trying to do here. Whatever happens, happens. If nothing materializes, then so be it. I just want to hang out with her more so that we can both get to know each other a little better.

 

[combat]

Anyway, keep us updated! My presumption is that, at the end of that Saturday evening, when you feel you're finally going to kiss her, she will bring up the "just friends" cliché and you'll be depressed for the next month. Don't want to discourage you or anything, I just love making cynical, "harsh reality" presumptions. ^_^

Maybe. Who knows. Only time will tell where this is heading but it will only head somewhere if I actively work at it. Whereas in the past the aforementioned "gut punch" comment would have sent me further back into my shell, these days something like that hurts me for just a bit and then strengthens my resolve to fight on.

 

[hydrapower]

Don't worry. I would never do that. I have plenty of issues, but being a psychotic text stalker certainly isn't one of them.

Oh my bad, I wasn't trying to imply that, just saying how texting sometimes leads to confusion or misinterpretation of stuff. That's all.

Glad things are going well with her. Honestly it sounds like she's invested as much in you as you are in her. I reiterate from before about being extra cautious because you're still coworkers at this point. The fallout from a failed relationship or attempt at a relationship can be messy. But by all means, continue to be good, great, awesome friends.

 

[Nocer]

wow that sure brings up some memories, since that kind of happened to me i supposed

i would have like a punch n the gut though

 

[combat]

Glad things are going well with her. Honestly it sounds like she's invested as much in you as you are in her. I reiterate from before about being extra cautious because you're still coworkers at this point. The fallout from a failed relationship or attempt at a relationship can be messy. But by all means, continue to be good, great, awesome friends.

Yeah, I know. I'll tread lightly.

 

[combat]

This is going to sound really stupid but I chatted with her a bit on the phone today and at some point after talking a mile a minute about her weekend (she does like to talk lol) comes the inevitable question "so what have you been doing today?" And I was able to answer it just fine without resorting to a "nothing much" response. I didn't really do much but I just chatted about little things I did actually do (running, reading, etc). I feel so ridiculous feeling good about that but I used to not feel like I could just answer that question with actual details.

And everytime I call I'm getting progressively less nervous about everything with her.

 

[combat]

Yeah, so I came to the realization last night that this girl is just a flirt and a tease... she's been enjoying my attention but offering very little in return. It's not as if I've been hiding the fact that I really like her. So clearly, she doesn't feel the same way (she initiates little to nothing and does not really make an effort to schedule time for hanging out) but at the same time appears to really enjoy my attention.

Screw that. I'm getting nothing out of this. I'm going to give her zero attention.