Life begins at 50

[LoVe13]

Your story sounds so much like mine. I used to do so much more too. I wanted to travel all the time. If I get right down to it and analyze why I don't want to travel so much it's because of the people, not the traveling. I think people in general have me disenchanted. They have hurt me over and over and it is just so painful that I avoid people unless necessary.
The part I can't quite explain is why even "pleasant" social interactions leave me anxious :question:
I hope you do find yourself where the palm trees are growing within the year


Yes, I suppose even the Depp has to age. I saw a pic of him with scraggly blonde hair recently and I didn't care for it at all.

i do believe we have much in common. I'm seeing kind of a reflection of what you post. You say what I don't want to ask myself but by you writing it, it makes it ok for me to think about it. Weird, huh?
When you wrote that you avoid even "pleasant" situations I suddenly had an epiphany with big orange cones and neon lights going off in my head.
I used to have many beautiful friends-most of who I knew for over 20 years-all of who I no longer have contact with. I have purchased MANY tickets to concerts, Broadway shows, have had opportunities to meet the "other" John in my life (John Taylor of Duran Duran-I know, its geeky, but he is my dork factor and he was my first crush), in general I have had many pleasant opportunities to do things I know "old" me would have been buying outfits and new shoes to go blazing forward into with smiles and laughs. But here I sit with none of those memories to hold in my heart.
After seeing how you said you can't explain it, I suddenly realized I could explain why I am avoiding happy people and places. I find that hiding my anxiety and crazy is so DRAINING. It exhausts me. Plus, nothing would break or crush me more than having someone think of me as wacky. Especially if its someone in my life that I love. So it was easier to fade away and cut everyone and place off.
i have always had anxiety. But back in the day, it was quirks and habits we all could joke about. When bad things happened a few years ago to me I started to feel ashamed of those things plus all the new drama thrown into the pot. My self-esteem went down the toilet and I didn't want people to see me how i saw me through my eyes. Does that make any sense?
None of my revelations may be useful in your situation but seeing you asking the question really opened my eyes. I hope i figure out how to use my new knowledge. (I would prefer to figure it out under a palm tree with a non-dirty Johnny Depp but for now i will think about it inside these four walls).
As always, thanks for being like a fortune cookie that says the right thing at the right time!

 

[Lavinialuna]

i do believe we have much in common. I'm seeing kind of a reflection of what you post. You say what I don't want to ask myself but by you writing it, it makes it ok for me to think about it. Weird, huh?
When you wrote that you avoid even "pleasant" situations I suddenly had an epiphany with big orange cones and neon lights going off in my head.
I used to have many beautiful friends-most of who I knew for over 20 years-all of who I no longer have contact with. I have purchased MANY tickets to concerts, Broadway shows, have had opportunities to meet the "other" John in my life (John Taylor of Duran Duran-I know, its geeky, but he is my dork factor and he was my first crush), in general I have had many pleasant opportunities to do things I know "old" me would have been buying outfits and new shoes to go blazing forward into with smiles and laughs. But here I sit with none of those memories to hold in my heart.
After seeing how you said you can't explain it, I suddenly realized I could explain why I am avoiding happy people and places. I find that hiding my anxiety and crazy is so DRAINING. It exhausts me. Plus, nothing would break or crush me more than having someone think of me as wacky. Especially if its someone in my life that I love. So it was easier to fade away and cut everyone and place off.
i have always had anxiety. But back in the day, it was quirks and habits we all could joke about. When bad things happened a few years ago to me I started to feel ashamed of those things plus all the new drama thrown into the pot. My self-esteem went down the toilet and I didn't want people to see me how i saw me through my eyes. Does that make any sense?
None of my revelations may be useful in your situation but seeing you asking the question really opened my eyes. I hope i figure out how to use my new knowledge. (I would prefer to figure it out under a palm tree with a non-dirty Johnny Depp but for now i will think about it inside these four walls).
As always, thanks for being like a fortune cookie that says the right thing at the right time!

Awwww, thanks for the kind words. Makes me feel useful (which doesn't happen often lately!) Yeah, we resemble each other, and maybe we can help each other figure this anxiety thing out.
I totally understand what you mean about getting the energy sucked out of you. It is exhausting being around people. I got injured physically which resulted in me getting an autoimmune disease. I watched friends fall away and even family members ignore my pleas for help while I so desperately floundered- so why should I bother to go out of my way for them? I had been nothing but loyal and giving only to end up being treated like this? I felt so un-loved and un-valuable (is that a word? It should be, lol!) My self esteem was lower than ever, but at the same time my stubborn pride surged and refused to allow myself to be treated this way, and so I rejected almost all of them.
People need to prove themselves for me before I will invest even an ounce of bother in them. It's sad that it has come to that, but it's too painful to constantly open myself up to that kind of punishment. I find myself literally bracing myself for the emotional trauma. I catch myself holding my breath (no wonder the physical symptoms occur.)

Glad to meet you. I hope to continue to get to know you better!

 

[Alienated]

Huh. I've long had the feeling that my life ended at forty.

Maybe I have a second wind coming? :thinking:

Well it could be gas.. You get more of that too :blushing:

I like the OP am 49 too.. I guess it has allot to do with when you were born. I have had a full life already, other than experiencing real love... Now if I found it, I wouldn't know what to do with it !!

And with what I have experienced.... I don't know if I can take anymore of it !

 

[grapevine]

What a beautiful woman.

 

[theslowesthand]

45-50 was pretty good for me actually

I'm hoping that's the case for me also.

But so far from ~40-43 life's been "hell on earth" for me - the worst few years of my life. But if 50 is the new 40, then 40 is the new 30 .. so my worst years have been 30+ (also makes sense as i am a very late bloomer). Also i felt like my 30s were normal people's 20s.

 

[theslowesthand]

Sorry to bring up an old thread, I was just wondering how folks here are coping with thoughts of mortality and the whole getting old thing? I'm 46 and seem to be struggling with midlife transition, experiencing waves of deep sadness quite unlike previous bouts of depression. I've always been a bit preoccupied with thoughts of death and assumed I'd be better prepared mentally but suddenly it seems a very real prospect and it's surprised me how badly I'm dealing with it. Immersing myself in nostalgia, old films and music etc seems to help a bit, but I'm not sure if this is a healthy thing to do. I'm also drinking more lately which certainly isn't a healthy thing to do. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this stuff?

My worries about death seem very much pacified (ie "quite good") at present, but time will tell. I have recently being solidifying my beliefs about life & death. Basically what i believe now, is: the 3d world is all "imaginary" (a creation of the human mind), so when the body dies nothing really dies as you were only ever imaginary. And the part of us that doesn't "die" is our spirit, which depending on how our life went, reincarnates again (as it has done for many many years to date). But we are reaching the "end times" now (right now), and so certain of us will not reincarnate again on earth, but will live the next "life" in a 4d or 5d spiritual world. It seems i am finally finding beliefs & systems that i am "solid" with, which pleases me no end!.