Letting go of the past

[redmatter]

I find this isn't possible, mainly because nobody in my life let's me go one visit without bringing up something form my past they know will bother me. It bothers me to see then enjoy saying it... it might not be what they say, and often it isn't - it's become more of this resentment for trying to make me feel miserable, knowing full well I deal with anxiety and other issues. Why stress me out further?

Bottom line is, is anybody else constantly held down?

 

[da_illest101]

I was but i pushed all of them down. Nothing happen for me until i sticked up for myself. Anyone who annoyes me will hear about it. Get angry, do something but don't act like a victim, its not gonna get you anywhere, talking from personal experience

 

[upndwn]

On the rare occasions I see my expanded family they do have a tendency to want to discuss topics which I find closely personal or uncomfortable to discuss. Although my SA is mostly gone it do surface on occasions and digging up painful memories from my past triggers it. I do think this is mostly because they use what little they have about me and my life to try to make conversation and not because they want to make me feel bad.

People without mental disorders tend to trivialize the problem. Partly out of ignorance, but also out of fear since most people would want to avoid depressing topics. Usually such remarks have no malign motives but are born out of ignorance and misinformation, and sometimes curiosity. Us, who suffers from such disorders, especially with SA, has a tendency to look for patterns of rejection and ridicule from others even though there might be nothing there. Often we blow these things out of proportions or see patterns of malign intent where there is none.

 

[redmatter]

Often we blow these things out of proportions or see patterns of malign intent where there is none.

I've been told that all my life. But it's real to me, so it's real to me. My experience has shown otherwise as well.

I was but i pushed all of them down. Nothing happen for me until i sticked up for myself. Anyone who annoyes me will hear about it. Get angry, do something but don't act like a victim, its not gonna get you anywhere, talking from personal experience

It never mattered what I did. Stuck up for myself, acted like a victim, ignoring it, getting angry, getting distant, getting sarcastic, getting mean, getting ugly, getting closer to how everyone else acts... none of it mattered. My experience.

 

[decadent88]

I was recently treated like this. Some of my old school friends (doubt on the friend part)
brought up something fully knowing how it affects me. I guess they kind of get a cruel entertainment out of it... I donno, maybe they like to demean others because inside they are poorly disturbed by their own self-esteem... maybe.
Anyway, I have given up any contacts with these dolts, only my good friends remain. In rare occasions I have to cross my paths with them, and when they do that, I try remain calm,.. laugh it off.


Remember that in this case the key point is your reaction to what they say... they feed on your reaction. I know it is extremely hard to control you emotions when this happens, especially if they are old wounds that are deep rooted in your heart. But you gotta struggle.
I donno if these helps but when people try to do this to me I try to convince myself that they can try to insult me all they want, but whether I wanna be insulted is MY CHOICE.

Hope things work out for you!

 

[redmatter]

I was recently treated like this. Some of my old school friends (doubt on the friend part)
brought up something fully knowing how it affects me. I guess they kind of get a cruel entertainment out of it... I donno, maybe they like to demean others because inside they are poorly disturbed by their own self-esteem... maybe.
Anyway, I have given up any contacts with these dolts, only my good friends remain. In rare occasions I have to cross my paths with them, and when they do that, I try remain calm,.. laugh it off.


Remember that in this case the key point is your reaction to what they say... they feed on your reaction. I know it is extremely hard to control you emotions when this happens, especially if they are old wounds that are deep rooted in your heart. But you gotta struggle.
I donno if these helps but when people try to do this to me I try to convince myself that they can try to insult me all they want, but whether I wanna be insulted is MY CHOICE.

Hope things work out for you!

Cheers, exactly... now imagine less one or two, this being everyone in your life. You know, for people who are introverted, that means your world is dominated by people just like this. It's not something to take lightly. It really isn't.

 

[drewjanes]

mmm KNOE THAT FEEL, but seriously, i have an ex-girlfriend who haunts mu f*cking existence ..... that relationship broke me down. im dateing some one eles now, and like.... no regrets and i dont look back, but for soooome reason... she lives in the back of my head reminding me about how much of ****ty experince it was.

but like i guess its okay... as long as you can forgive (be it them or your self) but you dont necessarily have to forget.

 

[mmmm]

I find this isn't possible, mainly because nobody in my life let's me go one visit without bringing up something form my past they know will bother me. It bothers me to see then enjoy saying it... it might not be what they say, and often it isn't - it's become more of this resentment for trying to make me feel miserable, knowing full well I deal with anxiety and other issues. Why stress me out further?

Bottom line is, is anybody else constantly held down?

sounds like this problem is more about the present than the past. If people are intentionally hurting you right now then the past is just their weapon of choice. If you were okay with the past, they would find something else. This only applies if they are intentionally hurting you, though. As other people have said on here, we are masters of finding hurtful intentions where there aren't any.

 

[Kiwong]

Stuff that really affected me about ten years I have almost let go of. Time and distance from those involved.

 

[jamie99]

I will never get better if I don't get over my past. It's been 5 years and i still feel angry, and there was never any closure.

 

[Rufus]

It's happened to me with a couple of people.

Seriously, people like that only get to you because you let them. Fcuk 'em, just hold your head up high and laugh at how pathetic they are.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

Yup. I find it hard to forget anything negative...

 

[redmatter]

I receive this kind of treatment in my own family and it hurts. It's difficult to heal when those around you keep opening up your wounds. Lately I've been distancing myself from some of them.

Yes. Exactly, now image this being your friends AND family. Then layer it with SA and other alienating issues that can really hang a life.

 

[Fighter86]

I bury my past with a vengeance, trying to forget and pretend it doesn't exist. But they have already shaped some of my values and behavior, these are here to stay I guess.