seafolly
Well-known member
Does anybody find this difficult to do?
Due to my severe self consciousness and stress..it now feels really unatural and forced when i try to smile or laugh. I mean even in front of my nephews last night..sometimes i just felt like a freak because my face was so tense. ::
I've always had an awkward smile anyways..but it just feels really rubbery and tight now. It worries me..because i never used to be like this..or even think about it. I used to be able to interact whilst smiling/laughing no problem..but now..it just seems like my problems/demons stop me from relaxing and just letting it happen naturally.
It really bothers me..because i end up having to just look to the floor..or look away..or just force something out...and it just gives off negative vibes..when i dont even intend to do this. It's like im trying to hold the smile there..and my mouth is fighting to return back to a normal closed position. Just make me feel like a freak..and it gets me down and makes me feel scared sometimes..because it feels like an automatic reaction that i cannot control. :
Sometimes, yes. But after eight years of this I feel like I've perfected the mask. The one we wear to try and fool others into thinking we're "normal." Being aware of it I'm sure is hindering you. Though I think we all have bad days during which even the mask can't be pulled out. My natural expression would communicate negativity for sure - I remember in high school friends would walk up to me, concerned, asking why I looked so sad. I'd be surprised thinking everything was normal. And it was for me, just your everyday anxiety. But I guess it leaked sometimes. I wish I had advice for you but I don't. I just wanted to communicate that "you're not alone" message. It does happen to me sometimes and I just think, "You know what? I'm having an off day. It happens to the best of us. I won't waste too much energy trying to fight it today." As for laughter, I haven't struggled with that unless depression weasels its way in which it does tend to do sometimes when I'm staying with my family (like this summer!). Just yesterday I laughed out loud at something funny my father said and the sound shocked me into silence - I couldn't remember when I last did that. There are dips in the road. But we're going to find our way out.
