Latest few things thats happened to me

[proudmummy]

These are the things in the past month that have happened to me...

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend saying "we have nothing in common do we? I don't know what to talk about to you? to me you are just *****'s mum, and thats the only thing we can relate to. We need to do more things together".

Being uncomfortable around my uncles, them asking me questions and being really nice and me trying to blurt out answers but sounding stupid, shy and slow. My mum ended up butting into the conversation and answering my questions before I could then when an uncle said "you talking for her?" she said "thats what mums do"

Awkward meeting with childhood familymember who i've always been close to and realising we literally don't have anything to talk about anymore. I'm so upset about this, this is when I know my SP is bad as at one point she was the ONLY person I could be comfortable with.

Also getting on the phone to "childhood familymember" after she'd been on the phone to my mum for about an hour just to cheer her up as she was upset, when on the phone she wouldnt answer my questions properly ending in awkward silence and within a minute she was saying "i've got to go now" (i think i may her uncomfortable where i'm such a freak now)

My sister telling me i'm only fun when i'm drunk, and thankfully she told me this when i was drunk!

Various awkward silences at work (which I quit last Sunday afterwards!!) and a few with family members & friends.

My grandad turning to me and saying, "are you drunk?" and I said "nooo" (sarcastically) and he said, "i know when your drunk cos you actually talk more!". I had him & my family in fits of laughtfter than night which was great at the time but them knowing its just because of alcohol i'm like that hurts alot, I think they think i'm usually sooo dull.

A family member was overheard saying I need to relax a bit.

Me realising my humour seems to have dwindled into practically nothing except when i'm drunk (my humour & randomness used to be one of the main things of my personality....I now find the most boring of people are funnier than me!!!)


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the thing is, i am a relatively "out-there" person (i do go to alot of places, not at home too much etc) but everytime i do go out/do something i suffer through the whole thing, its awful, and i sometimes wish i wasnt there. In my head i'm always panicking, "what do i say next!?" "what next!?"...I ask silly questions like "what u doing 2nite?" even though i'm not one bit interested as I just want the conversation to lead somewhere where i can relate to, but it never does. I can't see how other people do it, when the room never goes silent and words just fall off their mouth (i'm always asking in my head how they got to that conversation and why didnt i think of saying that as i know alot on that subject!)

yesterday i had my cousin round and it was very awkward at times but she is good at conversating and when it would go silent she would say "oh i've got a ____ booked this month" for example then we'd talk about that

i'm now trying to accept it will probably never go away...

whats happened in your lives recently thats really knocked you?

 

[Helyna]

virtual hugs! Is explaining to anyone an option? Because it must be awful to not have your family understand at all.

 

[proudmummy]

i tried but only plucked up the courage when i was really drunk one night to tell everyone i'm overly shy & i was with my parents but they turned around & put it down to me being drunk!! grrrrr! my stepdad even tho he always mentions how i've got no friends or always stayin in said things like, "why do u go clubbin in short skirts then?!", "of u was shy u wouldnt go out!"... when thats not the issue at all. They see what i'm tryin 2 be (confident) somehow?!

 

[recluse]

Actually being drunk can have the effect of making me quieter often.

 

[Richey]

That could be the type of alcohol your're drinking though, wine makes me fly as does beer, vodka makes me feel down and vomitty almost instantaniously..its the evil fluid

 

[proudmummy]

I plucked up the courage to talk to my partner last night (wit a drink of course) he said yes, my answers I give people are way too short and I turn away, he said it looks like i'm being rude and arragont when I do it but he knows I don't mean to, but he said other people don't know what to think.... he said his family etc ave noticed (that really hurts knowing that) He said i've got to start expanding my answers more, like when someone asks how I've been instead of saying "fine thanks" say something else like really descripfull, and try to lead it onto conversation. He said I need to relax, calm down and just let myself flow. He said people get really suprised with how much I talk when I drink but he said it doesnt always look good as when drunk everyone talks rubbish anyway so its not a very constructive conversation. I mentioned about when I can't fit into a conversation because I can't relate and he said just start talking to someone else (making a conversation with someone I never really talk to terrifies me so this will be hard) or he said ask questions about the subject & eventually you will get involved. My partner said sometimes I act awkward with him (I didnt think I did?) and I make conversations boring (harsh but true) by not expanding the convo so my partner feels like hes making all the effort. He said I need to try and sort this problem out as it IS noticeable. I said should I go to the doctors and get tablets but he told me he used to be like it as a kid & got over it so I should be able to natrually too. He also said maybe I should get some hobbies!

It was hard to listen to, I got quite a bit upset by it all, but its answered my questions of how people percieve me which is good I guess so my only is up now!