Keeping Friends

[themousethatroared]

I have been thinking about friendships I have had in the past and the ones now in the present. It seems that I had a lot of turnover in friends especially in my teenage years. Is it that much more difficult to keep friends when you have sa? I know it is hard for me to make new friends but I think that it is more difficult to keep them. Is this a common experience with others who have sa?

 

[Erythrocyte]

I find it harder to keep friends than to make them... I don't think I know how to keep them...

 

[maggie]

I find it harder to keep friends than to make them... I don't think I know how to keep them...

yeah, that's me...i have trouble connecting with people cause i never want to go out with them when they ask :roll:

 

[maggie]

I find it harder to keep friends than to make them... I don't think I know how to keep them...

yeah, that's me...i have trouble connecting with people cause i never want to go out with them when they ask :roll:

 

[Kinetik]

Maggie keeps friends by constant harassment, double-posting, and maintaining strange culinary habits. :wink:

I have the hardest time keeping friendships alive as well it seems. I always get irritated by the situations I find myself in with any friends I've had in life so it's as if I want to keep starting with a clean slate, you know, burning all my bridges all the time. I have no problem with just leaving everything and everyone. It's kind of weird.

 

[cloaked]

i have no friends currently. some mere aquantences and that's all. i guess having sa makes me a boring person. why would they wanna be my friend? this also relates to my situation with girls. why would a girl wanna go out with someone with sa. this just itn't fair. i'll never have a gf i'll die a virgin. :evil:

 

[Thelema]

Myspace is a great thing for keeping in touch with friends.

I thougt the same way about girls. What do I have to offer? I have things like honesty and compassion and having somebody that will always be there for them. Everybody has something to offer. I just talked to a girl that I'm pretty sure likes me for a couple of hours :wink: A couple months ago I thought I'd die a loney man until I started looking for the good things not the bad.

 

[Masamune]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Quixote]

i dont trust people and people bore me and get in my way.

I dont know anyone that i like...that sounds terrible....

That's exactly like I feel most of the times when I meet somebody new. Not only I feel anxious or whatever, but even if I can cope with that I still feel no interest in them whatsoever. I feel bored. I don't like their opinions.

I used to think this was quite hopeless, and that only a very tiny percentage of people could be of any interest to me. But as it happens, I found over time that when I do make the effort of getting to know somebody, I also do end up finding their company pleasant and interesting.

I think our perceived "lack of interest" is more a lack of trust. Initially, it shows as anxiety, and when this fades away it still persists as apparent "boredom". One has to try and keep in touch with people, it takes time for reciprocal trust to form, but the effort often pays off..

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I can't keep them.....I've given up.

 

[jennn]

I think it's definitely harder to keep friends... it takes a long time for me to be sure someone likes me and that I'm not bothering them when I call or email. So when I don't call people think I don't care, when really I'm just worried they don't want to hear from me. It's stupid.

 

[wertyit]

well. keeping friends. didn't keep any primary school friends.

 

[Cedeejay]

you know guys I had this running on till my secondary 5. Now 1 year later all is reeeeeally nice! At first I asked myself why all is going good all of a sudden and I realised that I found myself an interesting person (I don't wanna be selfish there don't take me wrong) and you guys gotta do the same: How can you expect people to like you if you don't even like yourself? Aight now you may say, but how the hell am I supposed to like myself when I can't do anything? I would say that the answer is commitment. I had that SA thing reeeeeally strong but gradually it went away. I know you guys can all do this, you just gotta bealieve, and I really wanna tell you that what is interesting is not what you say, it's the way you think about yourself.

 

[viperbeam]

I went out with this girl, and well at the end it didn't work out. I still want to be friends with her, but I'm worried to come off as desperate.

 

[TheFortuneTeller]

I sort of have the same problem but it also has something to do with how I define "Friends". Anyone who doesn't know me well enough isn't a friend but are acquaintances. So people I get to know even for a few years I never cal friends, even if they do me favors. This mostly comes from my school years where others called themselves friends but only said that to either use me or because they wanted something from me. That's the way the world is for me.
Right now I got 9 of the best friends in the world, and nothing will change that. But it is hard to keep things in tact. 8 of them lived in the same area as I used to, and we all grew up together since we were all little kids, but we all eventually moved away. I'm of course living over 72 miles away, but when I go back to my home town I try to drop by their homes, fortunatly they live close by so I could easily go to everyones home. But it's hard sometimes since I'm not as outgoing as they are, but at least they never stoop to the level of others who try to say they are my friends.
Then there's my other bestfriend who lives across the planet, so I don't meet her often but I keep in contact a lot. And she's the only person that has breakfast and lunch with me.

There are others I've wanted to call friends but even though one would think we are friends, we just go our seperate ways with no contact. Then I forget about them, guys and girls both.

So I consider myself lucky I still got my best friends that I've managed to keep, I just consider myself unlucky that I can't dump my troubles on them and that I love two of them.

 

[rado31]

Sorry to interupt but what does it mean "fight or flight" phrase, i m curious?


I can relate very much for not being to able to make friends as someone here described as this sequence : anxiety - boredom- must break a relation .....Sometimes , i even think that that persons are really boring?
Sometimes , i compromise myself to be with boring person, just to be with somebody but than i feel guilty.

These days i am lonely as hell and i think i was lonely like that a long long time. How to cope loneliness? Is it posible? My idea would be to entertain ourselves until something showes up. Any other suggestions?

 

[TheFortuneTeller]

This may not mean anything but I cope with the loneliness by just doing what I feel like doing. Like:
Sleep, I sometimes just sleep the entire day away.
Chat or call up my friend when she's free.
Read, it takes my mind off of things.
Play games.
Create stuff.
Run with my dogs.
Watch tv with this kid from next door, he like watching cartoons on my TV, and it gives us something to laugh about.
And watch movies every night till I doze out.

These are not the best ideas, but since I don't have any friends directly where I live, it's how I cope with the loneliness here. Anything that takes my mind off and distracts works for me.
It's not the best way to cope in my opinion, but it's better than doing nothing, and I've tried just sitting and doing nothing.
So you're right, entertaining our selves sort of works.
But not always.

 

[this-is-y-im-hot]

hey, dont be hard on yourself. its normal as a teenager to change friends, coz u urself are changing! some friends will stick around others like u will move on, its part of growing up hun. in 1o years time? ull have new friends again! lol

 

[SilentType]

Yeah I'm 19 and I've had the same friends since I was like 15. I've come and gone because of this SA, and I'm never out at parties or hangin out with anymore than 3 or 4 people, but all of the people I was friends with before SA hit me are always happy to see me. I can't explain it, because I feel like I've been a shady dude to all of these people during the past few years because of my SA.

I defer the rest of my post because I'm extremely stoned and lost my train of though....Lol.... :?:

 

[LION]

i got a stoner friend..

How to cope loneliness? Is it posible? My idea would be to entertain ourselves until something showes up.

that's the 35 billion Q. just take a walk, go to a park, if an old lady appraches you just say hi. you can met people by people who know each other and all that crap. i've find a girl who gave me a massage i really like her, and she asked about me the other day (or so said my sis) i was like wtf, i haven0t talked to her, i just got a boner when she was giving a massage back then (i havent decided if im more shy now or before) so anyways, she's ok. i'd marry her if i had the cash..

Back to topic; some friends came at me after i gained my memory (i lost it for a while, and still fails me) i wrote to them expecting something, and they did showed up, it's kinda akward, but img lad they still think im cool, cause honest im melancholical as hell, so they visit me here at home and wake me up, of course i wake up like wtf, who are you? (fucking mind) they're my best friends and i love them, and im so fucking depressed that i almost feel bad that i don't want to go out. but as days passes by i realize i did had a good time. i've been through so much shit, and giving 'em all my schopenhauer ideas that i don't know why they love me. but i do love them.

Boredom always indicates an uncharged tension..sex? love? death wish?
I also got other friends i can barely remember, before the shit happened..they also invite me now and then to see them play, but since im sad i can't get myself to see them again. also we're all trying to make a living. and i also got a female friend (Who i rejected long time agooo, and then she rejeceted me long time ago, we remained friends and i remained stalking her..the last time i saw her was coincidence, i also love her. i think im just getting old..i can't enjoy green day anymore, or nirvana..(and then i forgave kurt cobainfor being an ass and blewing his head).

Conclusion: call your old friends it gets akward, but you got to enjoy the present i love'em.