Keeping conversations, i can't

[JonnyD]

I can't keep conversations, i've managed to talk with some people but its always one or two phrases , i cant get past throught it ...

it's like everything goes blank, i can't think of someing to talk about, i love to hear people , i'm ofter very interested , but when i need to keep talking with somone new - i just start to thinking about what to speak next, what to ask? and gerally it comes to nothing - my mind goes blank or filled with doubt.

It's worst when someone is simplily waiting for me to come up with something, i can't seems to find something to talk about

basically even when others start talking to me, i'm not able to keep talking...
and i know people like to talk about themselves, i just can't reach this stage.

anyone here like it?

 

[lettypagb]

i dont know either ,
one of my conversations :
p :why are u so asleep
me : cause i work till 10
p : oh i work till 10 an i'm not tired
me : oh i'm just kidding. :lol:


............................
me : :roll:

 

[madmike]

I used to be exactly the same until i got so sick of it that i started to just talk about anything. I even started lying and making things up just to make myself seem more interesting. But it's not worked... obviously. I just come across like a rambling fool and a lot of the things i say make no sense and the conversation then suddently ends :/ If you like listening to people though, and are good at it, try not to worry about it because people always appreciate a good listener (I'm no good at that either though because due to my non-englishness i don't understand half the things people say to me and use words like what? Pardon? Sorry? which i don't think people like... it stops the flow of the conversation :/)

 

[madmike]

Oh yeah, and although i haven't had any success with this (because im a terrible listener), when someone is talking, don't think too much about what you want/have to say, just listen and try to paraphrase what's being said and then repeat it to the person speaking. That way they know you're interested and carry on talking. They probably won't even notice you're not saying much...

 

[lettypagb]

just add something like a story or something.lol

 

[sleepysparrow]

I know what you mean.

 

[Ubersonic]

Maybe people like us just don't have a lot to say. Personally, I work, go home, and chill until bed. I don't have many life experiences to be able to relate to things. Simply, if I did more stuff, I would talk more.

 

[jordo]

i'm the same. my mind goes blank and all i end up doing is ask questions because those are easy and i usually try to comment on what they said. but i think asking questions only goes so far. at some point they get bored for the interrogation and they want you to entertain them with jokes or act all wild and crazy none of which i know since i dont really know what people are talking about since i dont really listen to other pple's conversations cuz think they are talking about stupid stuff...but i guess thats what pple like and i just cant do that. or ask for my opinion (which i usually dont have on anything) on something. the worst thing though is if they ask me personal questions and since i have no life...i usually cant answer. hence, is why i have no friends. =/ i think i can talk better online about myself and thoughts cuz i have time to think and since they are only online people...i dont really care if they think i'm weird. i bring them into my world and either they get are turned off or are interested, then i decide if they are someone i want to waste my time with lol.

 

[Sad-Kitten]

my mind goes blank and all i end up doing is ask questions because those are easy and i usually try to comment on what they said.

I do the exact same thing, it makes me feel like i'm boring as shit. Especially if i run out of stuff to talk about and start repeating myself.

I've never been a big talker i'm a good listener though, as far as i'm concerned id rather say a few things i consider important than a whole lot of nothing.

A rather embarassing incident once was when on a trip with a friend and his parents, his dad asked me a question, and i opened my mouth to respond but i drew a blank, and just sat there trying to think of something. I just sat there staring for like 8 seconds that felt like 8 minutes until he finally said something and went back to eating.

 

[Alexfangirl]

It always amazes me how much I have in common with the people on this forum. It makes me feel lest of a freak.
I'm exactly the same way. Even on the Internet sometimes. I think maybe if I stop trying to think of the right thing to say and just say what I'm thinking then it would get better.
Even if I don't have an opinion about something I should just be honust and say i don't have an opinion then at least I'd be saying something. OK

 

[sshygurl924]

omg. i thought i was the only one wit this problem. but just like u, i like hearing people talk. sometimes during skool i'll hear the kids talkin about something n i'll be thinking to myself, 'i can tlk about that stuff too. i'm no different from these guys.' but when its time for me to have a convo, my mind just goes blank after 2 or 3 sentences. sometimes i'll TRY to keep the convo going something n the person will kinda ignore me like they don't wanna tlk nemore. has this ever happened to anyone? or is it just me?

 

[hartbrokenvirgo]

Maybe people like us just don't have a lot to say. Personally, I work, go home, and chill until bed. I don't have many life experiences to be able to relate to things. Simply, if I did more stuff, I would talk more.

totally agree, this is a big problem with me

 

[calm09]

yeah me too. it's like if i'm in a discussion for class or even with people outside of class, i refrain from saying anything unless it adds to the conversation. if it's not insightful or productive, then i won't say a word.

i just feel stupid repeating someone else's idea or agreeing with it, when in my mind it's completely obvious that everyone would agree with it -rendering my comment pointless.

but i guess that for people who struggle with social anxiety, saying something is better than nothing... even if it's 'yep i agree' -it's just enough to let some of those bugs out.

 

[user12053]

I found out that when you use 50% of your concentration on what youre going to say next, you don't listen 100%. You need to put all of your focus in the other person. Show them that you're listening. Stop thinking about what to say while the person is talking.

Silence after the other one finished talking makes one embarrased and maybe anxious, but it really is a good way to use that moment of silence to think about what the other person was saying. It may take a few seconds before you say something, but youre more likely to say something thats a good answer because you've focused 100% on what was said before.

It takes practise.

 

[Andrew]

You can keep conversations and you do have something to say, it is just that you have no confidence. You guys are all pretty cool I must say after reading the posts on this site. SA is a self-fullfilling prophecy. As you get scared that you are not going to have anything to say, your mind blanks out and you literally don't have anything to say. Therefore this experience reaffirms your belief that you can't hold a conversation.

The way I delt with my SA was by gradual exposure therapy. I was also scared of not having anything to say so I purposefully just entered a conversation and then said nothing. It was a bit awkward and the anxiety rose. I kept doing this repeatedly for weeks until I literally had no concern whether I was saying something or not (and even then kept doing it for a week or two after just for good measure). It really is no big deal if you don't say something. A piano doesn't fall on your head or anything.

Anyway then I moved onto purposefully saying stupid things to the checkout person. That was my next greatest fear.