Just written a poem

[emre43]

I've just written my first ever poem. It's only short but it's my first ever one. It's called 'If only you knew'. I really like the first stanza but I feel that it goes downhill after that. I want to cringe when I read back over it and I think it is really cheesy. In fact I have no idea why I am posting it for others to look at but here it is:

Your beauty to me is beyond compare,
Your face, your eyes, your long, black hair,
At a time in my life when I was scared,
You’ve always listened, you’ve always cared.

If only you knew my feelings for you,
They are so strong, they are so true,
If only you knew quite what you mean to me,
And how big a smile that you bring to me.

Kindness like yours is not easily found,
I thought it was dead and buried beneath the ground,
The words you give are oh so sweet!
You are an angel from your head to your feet.

If only you knew my feelings for you,
They are so strong, they are so true,
If only you knew quite what you mean to me,
And how big a smile that you bring to me.

::

 

[Graeme1988]

I've just written my first ever poem. It's only short but it's my first ever one. It's called 'If only you knew'. I really like the first stanza but I feel that it goes downhill after that. I want to cringe when I read back over it and I think it is really cheesy. In fact I have no idea why I am posting it for others to look at but here it is:

Your beauty to me is beyond compare,
Your face, your eyes, your long, black hair,
At a time in my life when I was scared,
You’ve always listened, you’ve always cared.

If only you knew my feelings for you,
They are so strong, they are so true,
If only you knew quite what you mean to me,
And how big a smile that you bring to me.

Kindness like yours is not easily found,
I thought it was dead and buried beneath the ground,
The words you give are oh so sweet!
You are an angel from your head to your feet.

If only you knew my feelings for you,
They are so strong, they are so true,
If only you knew quite what you mean to me,
And how big a smile that you bring to me.

::

Cringe-worthy, cheesy? I don't think so. I found it romantic actually. Well, that's how I interpreted it, anyway. Though, you'll probably disagree. Then again, artists are usually their worst critic - speaking from my own experience.

 

[emre43]

Thanks mate.

 

[emre43]

I like your poem.
I think you should leave it for her as an anonymous note Receiving that would make anybody's day.

I think I might do that. In the time since I made the original post I have thought up another stanza which I really like:

I’ve cherished every word you’ve spoken,
In this society creaking and broken,
You’ve always made me feel so warm,
Like a bright ray of light you've calmed this storm.