Just so lonely..

[SavannahRose]

For various reasons SA entered my life again..I guess maybe before I realised it. It was built up bit by bit over last few months. It seemed to suddenly just hit, though. Anyway, I used to have SA really bad, but it really only lasted while I was in an unhealthy relationship nearly 7 years ago. But now it is back, (as I say for various reasons). But I feel so terribly lonely, scared and I wanna move past this, but I can't seem to. Too much has happened in my life for me to feel happy in my own skin anymore- at least feeling I can face people. But while I feel this socially anxious, I feel very nervous talking to people in my life about how I feel. I guess I never really have, cos I find it hard at best of times.

I dunno what am saying- partly just venting. But I have all these feelings,that are so secretive to me that I feel now, nobody will ever understand. But they are so intense. I even find it hard with my counsellor, and I think maybe that frustrates her when she trying to work with me?
But with SA opening up is even harder. I feel as though i should be able to get myself together now. I am 26, but still have these age old conceptions about myself. I dunno how true they are or not- but they never go away.
I have a lot of nightmares and stuff too. I wanna find a way out of this, and finally have a life. Anyone else feel same?

 

[Dronee]

Yup. Count the drones in.

 

[Feathers]

SavannahRose, maybe you can find people in the same situation and it will be easier to talk to them about things you both are sharing or have been going through?

For example, certain life events can be understood best by other people going through it or having gone through it: like loss of a job or being 'inbetween jobs' or trying to pursue self-employment, or loss of loved ones, or breakup of a relationship etc etc.

Some of these events can be experienced differently by different people, some may recuperate easier than others.. It's important to find other people who grieve if you are grieving, etc.

Sa or inability to communicate can often happen if 'too many things' happen at once, one can feel overwhelmed and might need time to recuperate and RELAX.. and to find words for stuff...

Sometimes it's easier to communicate online, via a blog or on the forums.. People can also give good ideas.. (to research and implement in own life etc)

Maybe you also just need to find your 'tribe' - I see many awesome people on these forums and elsewhere online who maybe just hadn't found their 'tribe' yet...?

 

[Nanita]

Savannah rose, u can always write/speak on this forum, and people will read you and answer, isn´t that something...
For me, the intensity of SA comes and goes. Difficult periods, easy periods.
Though some things have been permanently difficult for me through my decade of SA, like having a job or going to any kind of school.

 

[GloomySunday]

Feathers put it so brilliantly there, great advice.

These forums (and places like it) are a great way to connect with people who can empathise with what you are experiencing.

Sometimes if a lot is going on in our lives it can be overwhelming. People respond differently to life's ebbs and flows. Some seem to deal with it. Others have no trouble reaching out to others. Some hold it all in. Some become withdrawn. We're all different. We all do what we have to do to get through it, one day at a time.

Maybe if you shared a little more detail (if you feel okay with that) maybe people could respond and possibly help, if that's what's necessary. But just venting is fine if that's what you need to do!

We're here.

 

[SavannahRose]

Thanks guys. Am just feeling like nobody "gets me"- and what I mean by that is..I just think I am completey misunderstood I suppose. People have preconceptions, annd to be honest am not sure I am close enough to anyone to prove them wrong, or to be honest that they really care. I feel like evenn if I were to reach out, I wouldn't be heard or understood..just resulting in me being more and more cut off from the world. I know am maybe rambling, or not making sennse. Just how I feel.

 

[Gray]

If talking about certain issues is difficult, especially to the councillor/therapist, one option is to write everything out in your own words as to how you feel and what the situations are which cause it.

Writing it out has helped me definately in the past, first situation being i was too afraid to tell a girl how much i liked her (This was like a good 10 years ago!) and hand delivered the letter. Sure enough, she got into contact with me. Sadly though i ended up finding out she already had a boyfriend (This was my first major "lost opportunity").

But in recent memory it has helped as well. While i was still under my councillor, i had a hard time expressing to her what situations made me feel vulnerable. So i took it upon myself to write down every situation that caused my anxiety to flare up.

Situations like, getting my hair cut, going shopping and dealing with visitors in my home. She was impressed i did take the time out to go into great detail over all the situations, and by the end of 2010 (When i was feeling somewhat better), she took out the letter and started ticking off all the situations i had overcome.

It's true though that it's hard to explain the issues to people who haven't gone through it themselves. My best friend suffers from this more than i do, so we keep each other grounded that way - but in work, i only have a few relatively "close" friends, who are the polar opposite of me - Very outgoing.

 

[GloomySunday]

Thanks guys. Am just feeling like nobody "gets me"- and what I mean by that is..I just think I am completey misunderstood I suppose. People have preconceptions, annd to be honest am not sure I am close enough to anyone to prove them wrong, or to be honest that they really care. I feel like evenn if I were to reach out, I wouldn't be heard or understood..just resulting in me being more and more cut off from the world. I know am maybe rambling, or not making sennse. Just how I feel.

I certainly know how that feels. I know a lot of other people here can relate to that too. As strange as it gets for you, you aren't alone. Cliche I know. But true. You'll be understood here. People will listen and they will care. Try to be specific if you can, though. That helps. What things trouble you? Share only what you feel comfortable with. One thing at a time, maybe? If sharing doesn't work for you, maybe read some of the older posts here. You'll find a lot of your own experiences are echoed in other people's words.