Just need some advice, i havent really got anyone to ask.

[English_Dude]

So another exciting story for you all to read ...thats if you have the patience but here goes.

Ok so, im 16 at home living with my parents and 2 brothers (older ones). I have a general anxiety/panic disorder, not necessary social phobia at all, but i also have emetophobia (which is where the anxiety originally came from, and panic).

I met this girl online about 3 months ago, ive never loved anyone like this before (i know it seems odd as we havent physically met up yet) but shes always there for me when i need to talk to someone and shes just so perfect to me, you could call it love i would. She lives about 3 hours on the train from my place, or 2 hours 30 mins driving but i cant drive yet. The problem is i really wish i could pluck up the courage to go and stay at her place for a long weekend, she lives with her parents and sisters so id be staying with her family but in her room ofcourse. I feel so lonely for not being able to just go and stay with her for a few nights, i cant face getting on a train for 3 hours but shes all i think about constantly. She told me to take as much time as i need to go. I just cannot tell you guys how much i want to go

Any feedback or whatever or advice would be flippin awesome
Thx guys!

 

[coriander1992]

Well firstly i'd say BE CAREFUL...don't mean to put a downer on it, but you you know you hear all those horror stories about people meeting up...

Secondly, maybe if you are really insistant on meeting up with this girl, you should both travel to a half-way point and have a day-out somewhere?
That way there's not so much pressure, as you won't be alone, and you can always leave or something if it's not going well?

Sorry, i'm not that good with giving advice...

Good luck anyway

 

[recluse]

Go for it, you have nothing to loose. I was invited by an online friend to go and meet her at Easter time and it went great. I'm going back to see her at the end of August.

 

[English_Dude]

I mean really wanna go, so badly. It's just i cant face gettin on a train for 3 hours and thats what really frustrates me, also being away from home for that long on my own too i cant say im used to that if im honest.

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

there something dodgy about a girl wanting u to come stay with her in her family home when u dont actualy no her. sorry but from a 20 year old girl point of view it aint normal.

 

[coriander1992]

Do each of your parents, hers and yours, know about the whole thing?

 

[English_Dude]

Ofcourse she'd tell her parents before and we had a good talk about it. She said aslong as im my polite self she'd sure they'd be cool with it . I mean i could always just get a B&B nearby but the sleeping arrangements aint really an issue.

 

[toothpastekisses]

......................

 

[English_Dude]

Yeah i mean you have a fair point. The thing is she seems even better to chat to on the phone. I guess what i need to do is work on my confidence and build it back up and trust myself more that i will be ok, so hopefully soon enough il get to the point where i can get on that train and do this no problem . Just gotta stick at it.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

ah! confidence, shmonfidence. just hop on that fuckin train and meet up with her. become a risk taker and nothing will stand in your way. THRIVE ON ADRENALINE

 

[Len]

Meet half way then if you feel that you two are hitting it off then you can go and stay the night at hers, if not return back home. Like a 'get out of jail free' card.

Good luck.

 

[Russellashley]

Hey,

I met my girlfriend by way of a chat room type thing. We were only on there for kicks and boredom, but something just clicked. We now live together and have a beautiful 9 month old daughter. We found it a great way to get to know each other really well before we actually met, so good on you.


She is a sufferer of general anxiety, so it was a big step for her to invite me over to her flat to meet. the first time i drove over (about an hour away) and just hung out with her for a few hours before driving home. I would suggest that staying at her house staright off is a step too far, too fast. Meet up first somewhere, or maybe just go for the day. could you get a lift from a friend or relative?

MY missus has had anxiety for about 10 years now and has just started to treat herself by facing her anxiety head on- accepting the feelings she has from it and not letting them control what she does. She just lets the anxiety come into her head and then goes with it. This is after years of fighting it with avoidance strategys and other coping mechanisms. At last she is starting to get better and the change that is starting in her is absolutely amazing.

 

[miss_amy]

If you want something bad enough then you have to just jump in and face that train.

I've just done a similar thing but maybe even bigger. I flew from UK to USA to meet up with someone from here. Yes I was terrified, very. Has to have been the hardest thing I've done and I sure felt the anxiety. But I really wanted to meet this person and I was willing to terrify myself to do it.
People all said the same things to me..worrying about meeting a stranger, are they who they say they are?? People his side have called me a scammer! Funny really! On the face of it I see where they are coming from and can see their points. But after many hours of conversation and phone calls and god knows how many pictures back and forth I felt I had a good trust there. And my instinct turned out to be right...he's a decent man.

I agree you shouldnt really stay at her house, not first visit anyway. Just on an anxiety level, being that close can be very uncomfortable if the click isnt there. I would also say stay somewhere else then if you do click theres no reason she cant stay with you. But it gives you a bolt hole if u need to get away for a bit.

Have fun and just do it.

 

[English_Dude]

I guess you have a good point about if i need my own space it can be kinda awkward staying at her place, i cant exactly get away if im having a panc moment but shes well aware of all my problems.

I got a friend online in Birmingham and she said she'd come with me to keep me company, get the train to me then we'd go on the train to see my girlfriend, just 3 hours...what if i panic and need to get off the train? Thats why i hate public transport. If i didnt have all this anxiety and emetophobia (fear of throwing up) id go straight away no problem, ofcourse id need to get the cash first but thats another problem. I dont know what to do to somehow quickly fix my anxiety and emetophobia that ive had for 2 years but i guess theres no temporary quick fix, just lots of effort, hard work and time.

Im just gonna have to book the train, workout where im gonna stay and just do it rather then worry about it. But i wanna go and have a great time rather then feeling anxious and just want to be home.