KerrBear
Active member
I’m new on here. I’m so not good with introducing myself but here it goes...
Ever since I was a little girl I was always shy. I had friends in kindergarten but ever since grade 3 I had lost a majority of them. Classmates made fun of me because of my weight and I never had the “in” clothes. My parents were not exactly wealthy but they both worked. I was raised in a small town and the closest city would be a couple of hours away. So yeah...kind of isolated there. Everybody knew everybody. As my years in my elementary school went on into high school, I continued being bullied. I hated going to school so I always faked being sick. My marks dropped. I did try and go back but I hated the loss of my friends. I hated walking the halls alone. I had no one at school. My anxiety had worsened and I developed depression. I have been on a couple of meds throughout high school but they were not successful in my system. I had reactions that ended me up in the hospital and went cold turkey on my meds, both times.
During my last year of high school I had this friend that introduced me to this guy and this guy and I were attracted to each other at the time I guess. So we hooked up. He lived on his own. His father got a job out of town so my boyfriend thought that it would be a good idea to follow them on this move. Of course I went with it because I hated this town so much. I just wanted to further my future. Get the help that I needed, so I moved with him. A couple of years passed of hell. It was a mistake to move IN with him. I found out that he had anxiety and other mental illnesses. He never left the house. He was always on the computer. He never did much with me after he promised me we would do more things together when we moved to the city. We were supposed to go back to school together, I get my diploma, he would take something at the college since the school I go to wasn’t exactly far. I was the one who went back to school. He stayed home with his friends and smoked weed and played video games. I did the grocery shopping. We had no car. I took the bus with a backpack so I wasn’t carrying arm loads. We lived on the edge of town. It was hard on my end. I hated going out alone. I wouldn’t mind so much if he did some chores at home but he didn’t do squat. I did everything myself otherwise it wouldn’t get done. Every now and again I would go home to visit my parents. I would go a month since I didn’t have a whole lot of money to play with on traveling. My ex hated this. We would always fight, even while I was there. I’d cry on the phone with him on the other end of it. I know it pained my parents to see me like this but I continued being with him because I was scared to be alone. The other reason why I go back home for so long is because both my parents got really sick. My dad has a disorder and my mom has to deal with it on her own. So I do everything I can to help them. Anyways, I ended things with ex since things continued to worsen. I got myself a social worker because I didn’t know who to turn to since I didn’t know a lot of people in my area. I was terrified. Miles and miles away from my family. Fortunately she came across a nice one bedroom apartment for me so I moved out of his place and moved into mine. I went back into a slump again since I was so scared to go out. I was alone. I didn’t have anyone to go and visit and just hang for a while. Never went back to school. The idea scared me because I didn’t like going there. A lot of high school dropouts with their drama. Just something I don’t want to be a part of. I don’t like drama. I like peace.
A year and a half later from the move-out, I’ve been prescribed Cymbalta from my psychiatrist who happens to be the person my social worker works along the side with. Been on that for a year and I took myself off of it twice during the duration. I was on a high dose so I felt like complete ****. I didn’t find it was working for me. I’ve been off of it for 2 months now. I don’t recommend taking yourself off of a medication without consulting a physician first. Everyone reacts differently. I just don’t want to give any ideas about being off of a medication and being the blame of it. I regret doing it myself because I got sick. This month I’ve made a lot of positive changes. I’m enrolled in school again even though I do have my G.E.D. I just would feel more fulfilled with a diploma. I have also gone to an employment agency to see if they would be able to find a job for me to be comfortable with. So far they have been great to me. They understand my needs and my comfort yet I'm still terrified of being in a workplace. It's been so long. I do have my bad days though sometimes it’s even hard for me to get up in the morning or afternoon. Motivation is so hard for me. Anyways, sorry for the long intro, just wanted to share a bit of my background. :shyness:
Ever since I was a little girl I was always shy. I had friends in kindergarten but ever since grade 3 I had lost a majority of them. Classmates made fun of me because of my weight and I never had the “in” clothes. My parents were not exactly wealthy but they both worked. I was raised in a small town and the closest city would be a couple of hours away. So yeah...kind of isolated there. Everybody knew everybody. As my years in my elementary school went on into high school, I continued being bullied. I hated going to school so I always faked being sick. My marks dropped. I did try and go back but I hated the loss of my friends. I hated walking the halls alone. I had no one at school. My anxiety had worsened and I developed depression. I have been on a couple of meds throughout high school but they were not successful in my system. I had reactions that ended me up in the hospital and went cold turkey on my meds, both times.
During my last year of high school I had this friend that introduced me to this guy and this guy and I were attracted to each other at the time I guess. So we hooked up. He lived on his own. His father got a job out of town so my boyfriend thought that it would be a good idea to follow them on this move. Of course I went with it because I hated this town so much. I just wanted to further my future. Get the help that I needed, so I moved with him. A couple of years passed of hell. It was a mistake to move IN with him. I found out that he had anxiety and other mental illnesses. He never left the house. He was always on the computer. He never did much with me after he promised me we would do more things together when we moved to the city. We were supposed to go back to school together, I get my diploma, he would take something at the college since the school I go to wasn’t exactly far. I was the one who went back to school. He stayed home with his friends and smoked weed and played video games. I did the grocery shopping. We had no car. I took the bus with a backpack so I wasn’t carrying arm loads. We lived on the edge of town. It was hard on my end. I hated going out alone. I wouldn’t mind so much if he did some chores at home but he didn’t do squat. I did everything myself otherwise it wouldn’t get done. Every now and again I would go home to visit my parents. I would go a month since I didn’t have a whole lot of money to play with on traveling. My ex hated this. We would always fight, even while I was there. I’d cry on the phone with him on the other end of it. I know it pained my parents to see me like this but I continued being with him because I was scared to be alone. The other reason why I go back home for so long is because both my parents got really sick. My dad has a disorder and my mom has to deal with it on her own. So I do everything I can to help them. Anyways, I ended things with ex since things continued to worsen. I got myself a social worker because I didn’t know who to turn to since I didn’t know a lot of people in my area. I was terrified. Miles and miles away from my family. Fortunately she came across a nice one bedroom apartment for me so I moved out of his place and moved into mine. I went back into a slump again since I was so scared to go out. I was alone. I didn’t have anyone to go and visit and just hang for a while. Never went back to school. The idea scared me because I didn’t like going there. A lot of high school dropouts with their drama. Just something I don’t want to be a part of. I don’t like drama. I like peace.
A year and a half later from the move-out, I’ve been prescribed Cymbalta from my psychiatrist who happens to be the person my social worker works along the side with. Been on that for a year and I took myself off of it twice during the duration. I was on a high dose so I felt like complete ****. I didn’t find it was working for me. I’ve been off of it for 2 months now. I don’t recommend taking yourself off of a medication without consulting a physician first. Everyone reacts differently. I just don’t want to give any ideas about being off of a medication and being the blame of it. I regret doing it myself because I got sick. This month I’ve made a lot of positive changes. I’m enrolled in school again even though I do have my G.E.D. I just would feel more fulfilled with a diploma. I have also gone to an employment agency to see if they would be able to find a job for me to be comfortable with. So far they have been great to me. They understand my needs and my comfort yet I'm still terrified of being in a workplace. It's been so long. I do have my bad days though sometimes it’s even hard for me to get up in the morning or afternoon. Motivation is so hard for me. Anyways, sorry for the long intro, just wanted to share a bit of my background. :shyness:
