Hello, just wanted to introduce myself. I'm in my late 20s, and I moved to a new city for a job about five months ago - and I realized that on a daily basis, I talk to more to more people back east than anyone here. I've always been uncomfortable in social situations, but it never occured to me as a major enough issue that I felt I needed to "talk" about it (I grew up in an emotionally vindictive family. If a problem was discussed openly, the information was often used later as a weapon to ridicule and humiliate) until a few weeks ago.
I had skipped the office Thanksgiving and Halloween parties, and co-workers typically questioned me on it - and I'd make up something about having to work on something. I figured that part of the detachment to my current environment was the fact that I'd avoided previous engagements. I felt sort of obligated to go to the Christmas party. I was there for about 15 minutes before I started feeling the classic chest tightness and shortness of breath associated with an anxiety attack. Needless to say, most of the office noticed that I had vanished less than an hour after I'd arrived, so it was the talk of the office the next day. Most of my co-workers have figured out that after work I simply go home and wait for work to start up again, so I fumbled some flimsy excuse and went on with my job.
I'm a journalist, so in my job I frequently approach and engage people I do not know or newsmakers I get to know from frequent interaction. It doesn't bother me in my job because I am able to detach myself and focus on what I need. When I am in a group social setting, the only thing my mind goes to is finding the fastest way out.
I find it tough acting clever, bold and gregarious while on the clock, while unable to overcome my fear, no matter how hard I try, if I'm there for my own 'enjoyment'. I can't be "on" all the time, and maintaing the facade of being charming and erudite at work, and working in a small city means I can't let my guard down until I am all alone, locked in my apartment.
I had skipped the office Thanksgiving and Halloween parties, and co-workers typically questioned me on it - and I'd make up something about having to work on something. I figured that part of the detachment to my current environment was the fact that I'd avoided previous engagements. I felt sort of obligated to go to the Christmas party. I was there for about 15 minutes before I started feeling the classic chest tightness and shortness of breath associated with an anxiety attack. Needless to say, most of the office noticed that I had vanished less than an hour after I'd arrived, so it was the talk of the office the next day. Most of my co-workers have figured out that after work I simply go home and wait for work to start up again, so I fumbled some flimsy excuse and went on with my job.
I'm a journalist, so in my job I frequently approach and engage people I do not know or newsmakers I get to know from frequent interaction. It doesn't bother me in my job because I am able to detach myself and focus on what I need. When I am in a group social setting, the only thing my mind goes to is finding the fastest way out.
I find it tough acting clever, bold and gregarious while on the clock, while unable to overcome my fear, no matter how hard I try, if I'm there for my own 'enjoyment'. I can't be "on" all the time, and maintaing the facade of being charming and erudite at work, and working in a small city means I can't let my guard down until I am all alone, locked in my apartment.
