LilMissTragic
Well-known member
Anyone know any good jokes...or bad ones i can moan at?...lol
jokes??
- Thread starter LilMissTragic
- Start date
LilMissTragic
Well-known member
LMAO...worrydoll, your jokes are nearly as bad as mine...lol
Lost_Nomad
Well-known member
amen grumblina 
thats a good one.
thats a good one.
Chilling__Echo
Well-known member
holy crap grumblina, that's a bit... unnerving :wink:
Danfalc
Banned
A letter to Santa
Not really a joke either, and if your easily offended by bad laungage dont read this!!!
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Dear Santa
You must be suprised why im writing to you today,the 26th of december.Well i would very much like to clear up certain things which have occured since the beginning of the month when, filled with illusion, i wrote you a letter.I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set,a pair of rollar blades and a football uniform,I deystroyed my brain studying the whole year.Not only was i first in my class,i had the best grades in the whole school.Im not going to lie to you,there was no one in my neighborhood who behaved better than me,with my parents,my brothers,my friends and with my neighbors.I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street.There was virtualy nothing within reach that i would not do for humanity.What balls you have leaving me a fucking yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks.What the fuck were you thinking,you fat prick,that youve taken me for a sucker for the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree.As if you hadnt fucked me enough,you gave that ;ittle quiff across the street so many toys that he cant even walk into his house.Dont let me see you trying to fit you big fat ass down my chimney next year.Ill fuck you up.Ill throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you will have to walk back to the fucking NorthPole,just like what i have to do now since you didnt get me that fucking bike.FUCK YOU SANTA.Next year you will find out how bad i can be, you fat cocksucker........
Sincerely
Little Johnny
Not really a joke either, and if your easily offended by bad laungage dont read this!!!
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Dear Santa
You must be suprised why im writing to you today,the 26th of december.Well i would very much like to clear up certain things which have occured since the beginning of the month when, filled with illusion, i wrote you a letter.I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set,a pair of rollar blades and a football uniform,I deystroyed my brain studying the whole year.Not only was i first in my class,i had the best grades in the whole school.Im not going to lie to you,there was no one in my neighborhood who behaved better than me,with my parents,my brothers,my friends and with my neighbors.I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street.There was virtualy nothing within reach that i would not do for humanity.What balls you have leaving me a fucking yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks.What the fuck were you thinking,you fat prick,that youve taken me for a sucker for the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree.As if you hadnt fucked me enough,you gave that ;ittle quiff across the street so many toys that he cant even walk into his house.Dont let me see you trying to fit you big fat ass down my chimney next year.Ill fuck you up.Ill throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you will have to walk back to the fucking NorthPole,just like what i have to do now since you didnt get me that fucking bike.FUCK YOU SANTA.Next year you will find out how bad i can be, you fat cocksucker........
Sincerely
Little Johnny
SaharaWorld
Well-known member
Q. How can you, yes YOU, catch a special rabbit?
A. Unique up on him.
Q. Why did Sahara tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
Q. Why did Sahara dance around and have a lil jig before drinking her orange juice?
A. Because it said 'shake well before using!'
A. Unique up on him.
Q. Why did Sahara tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
Q. Why did Sahara dance around and have a lil jig before drinking her orange juice?
A. Because it said 'shake well before using!'
LAME JOKE ALERT!!!!! LAME JOKE ALERT!!!!!
Q: During rush hour, why did the social phobic leap from the moving taxi he was forced to share with strangers?
A: To escape the "fare". :lol:
lol hahahahahaha (Lame enough for ya???)
Well that's the best I got :? Took me like an hour to think up too
PEACE
Q: During rush hour, why did the social phobic leap from the moving taxi he was forced to share with strangers?
A: To escape the "fare". :lol:
lol hahahahahaha (Lame enough for ya???)
Well that's the best I got :? Took me like an hour to think up too
PEACE
LAME JOKE ALERT!!!!! LAME JOKE ALERT!!!!!
Q: During rush hour, why did the social phobic leap from the moving taxi he was forced to share with strangers?
A: To escape the "fare". :lol:
lol hahahahahaha (Lame enough for ya???)
Well that's the best I got :? Took me like an hour to think up too
PEACE
Q: During rush hour, why did the social phobic leap from the moving taxi he was forced to share with strangers?
A: To escape the "fare". :lol:
lol hahahahahaha (Lame enough for ya???)
Well that's the best I got :? Took me like an hour to think up too
PEACE
sweetsour_eisha
Well-known member
thoughtless said:
:lol:
that's a good one..
:lol:
Mary
Well-known member
Here's an oldie but goody:
The Dog's Diary:
7 a.m.-Oh boy, a walk, my favorite!
8 a.m.-oh boy, dog food, my favorite!
9 a.m.-oh boy, the kids, my favorite!
Noon-oh boy,the yard, my favorite!
1 pm-oh boy, dog food, my favorite!
2 pm-oh boy,a car ride, my favorite!
3 pm-oh boy,the kids again, my favorite!
4 pm-oh boy, playing ball, my favorite!
6 pm-oh boy,welcome home mom, my favorite!
7 pm-oh boy, welcome home dad, my favorite!
8 pm-oh boy, dog food my favorite!
9 pm-oh boy,tummy rubs, my favorite!
11 pm-oh boy,sleeping in my people's bed, my favorite!
The Cat's Diary:
This is Day 183 of my captivity. My captor's continued to taunt me with little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is my plan to escape, and the mild satisfaction I get fr. clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attemp to kill my captor's by weaving around their feet while they were walking allmost succeeded-must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressor's, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair-must try this on their bed, or car..
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a bad little cat I was. Hmmm, not...working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However I could hear the noises and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return, he is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait..it is only a matter of time...
The Dog's Diary:
7 a.m.-Oh boy, a walk, my favorite!
8 a.m.-oh boy, dog food, my favorite!
9 a.m.-oh boy, the kids, my favorite!
Noon-oh boy,the yard, my favorite!
1 pm-oh boy, dog food, my favorite!
2 pm-oh boy,a car ride, my favorite!
3 pm-oh boy,the kids again, my favorite!
4 pm-oh boy, playing ball, my favorite!
6 pm-oh boy,welcome home mom, my favorite!
7 pm-oh boy, welcome home dad, my favorite!
8 pm-oh boy, dog food my favorite!
9 pm-oh boy,tummy rubs, my favorite!
11 pm-oh boy,sleeping in my people's bed, my favorite!
The Cat's Diary:
This is Day 183 of my captivity. My captor's continued to taunt me with little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is my plan to escape, and the mild satisfaction I get fr. clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attemp to kill my captor's by weaving around their feet while they were walking allmost succeeded-must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressor's, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair-must try this on their bed, or car..
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a bad little cat I was. Hmmm, not...working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However I could hear the noises and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return, he is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait..it is only a matter of time...
Scottish_Player
Well-known member
Taken from Ebaumsworld.com
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Funkymunky
Well-known member
Eeeww thats quality mate!.Heres another for ya...
Theres 3 old men sitting in an old folks home
1st man says "i hate this,i cant pee!...its just too bloody sore"
2nd man says "You think thats bad!?,i haven't been able to poo for about 2 weeks!!!"
3rd man says "Och thats nothin!.Every morning at 8 i have a huge piss,then at 8:30 i shite all over the place"
"Whats wrong with that then?" the other men ask
"Well I dont wake up till 9" he replies :roll:
Theres 3 old men sitting in an old folks home
1st man says "i hate this,i cant pee!...its just too bloody sore"
2nd man says "You think thats bad!?,i haven't been able to poo for about 2 weeks!!!"
3rd man says "Och thats nothin!.Every morning at 8 i have a huge piss,then at 8:30 i shite all over the place"
"Whats wrong with that then?" the other men ask
"Well I dont wake up till 9" he replies :roll:
dzerklis
Well-known member
hehe
its not a joke but article i found in uncyclopedia today, extremely funny it is
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/David_Bowie_v._Mick_Jagger
its not a joke but article i found in uncyclopedia today, extremely funny it is
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/David_Bowie_v._Mick_Jagger
jojosparkles
Well-known member
haha funkymonkey that was a good one!
i have one for ya!
a jellybaby goes to the clap clinic and the doc says to him take ya trousers down...so the jellybaby does and the doc looks at his willy..its all covered in liqourice....the doc looks at him and says eeeeeee wat ya been doin?...the jellybaby looks at him and says...well ive been fuckin allsorts!
hahahaahah
i have one for ya!
a jellybaby goes to the clap clinic and the doc says to him take ya trousers down...so the jellybaby does and the doc looks at his willy..its all covered in liqourice....the doc looks at him and says eeeeeee wat ya been doin?...the jellybaby looks at him and says...well ive been fuckin allsorts!
hahahaahah
