Job! Ughh!!

[Frazy91]

Ive got a history now of having extreme problems with holding a job down. My first job, i quit after 3 days, breaking into tears, couldnt handle the stress it put me through. The next one, 3 months in, id pushed my emotional capability to the limit, that i felt like actually crashing on the way to work so i wouldnt have to go.

Now ive got a new job, very lucky to have one, a friend of mine got me the job, and i even get to work with them which is amazing. And yet, i still cant handle it, i still feel like crying, i still spend all my days off just terrified of having to go back to work. I just dont know how to cope anymore. My heart is going through hell, constantly beating fast, hurting physically.

 

[unleashed]

thats harsh, all you can do is try and do your best and if it doesnt work out dont blame yourself, its an illness, not your fault. your post made me think of the joy division track ''autosuggestion''. by the way the crashing the car on the way to work thing i have most days on the way to work, but somehow i seem to make myself go there BUT i now only work 3 hours a day, which is a great solution because i can look at the clock and know im gonna be safe back home in a few hours. phobias are irrational, thats what makes them phobias, dont beat yourself up about it just try and see how it goes x

Here, here,
Everything is by design,
Everything is by design.

Here, here,
Everything is kept inside.
So take a chance and step outside,
Your hopes, your dreams, your paradise.
Heroes, idols, cracked like ice.

Here, here,
Everything is kept inside.
So take a chance and step outside.
Pure frustration face to face.
A point of view creates more waves,
So take a chance and step outside.

Take a chance and step outside.
Lose some sleep and say you tried.
Meet frustration face to face.
A point of view creates more waves.

So lose some sleep and say you tried.
So lose some sleep and say you tried...
Step outside and say you tried.

 

[Frazy91]

Thing is, my whole family said, maybe you just need to do 3 days a week and thatll sort it out. But even that hasnt. I do 9 hours a day, 3 days a week. If i get something wrong, i feel like ive let everyone down and i should just quit cause im not helping anything.

Everytime someone walks into the shop (i work in retail now), i panic like crazy, my heart beats fast, im always scared that someones going to walk in and im going to have to say something. Ive thought about herbal remedies to keep me sane, but im worried on what they could do long term.

The car crashing thing went on for ages. Its still the same now in ways, i just want the money as well. At my last job, after 2 months or so, money didnt even matter anymore i was so depressed. Id rather have been in hospital nursing a broken arm from crashing than having to work.

 

[unleashed]

have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy and or rational emotive behavioural therapy, or beta-blockers which would stop that heart racing stuff?

 

[Frazy91]

CBT apparently im on the waiting list for, but i have been since like november now. And beta blockers im too afraid to try cause im worried what it could do to me long term. Even when people say it wont do anything, im too worried to take them.

 

[unleashed]

cbt should make a difference, hope you get that help soon, there are a rew cbt sites online that might be useful while youre waiting for the appointment.

 

[gazelle]

I know how it feels. Until 2 months ago I also had a job 9 hours a day full week.Although my job might have been easier from some aspects then yours cause I worked as a programmer and didn't have to interact with poeple as much as you do but lunch times could become very tough for me(Had to sit around a table with all my colleagues and they would start talking ,joking and laughing while I could barely even talk) ...but despite the difficult challenge that it was I learned a lot during this 10 months period(the company dismissed all of its employees due to bankruptcy). I realized that some days my SA symptoms were less then others days and copping with poeple was much easier... paying more attention I figured that this was due to my energy levels and that little things that I thought would never matter had great effect on my energy levels specially getting enough sleep at night and the food that I ate. Going to work also helped me find out that I'm gluten tolerant and that I have hypothyroidism which led me to take some good steps in fighting with SA (still haven't fully overcome though)...So the point that I'm trying to get to is that even if its tough, keep on fighting and stay with your job , look at it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better(in order to overcome your SA) and pay attention to every little thing that you do and eat.

 

[Frazy91]

Im trying, but that terrified feeling when you wake up and realise that you have to go and survive another 9 hours, it just makes you want to pack it all in. I wake up sweating, my heart really hurting, and thats all started happening before ive even woken up!

 

[Aussie_Lad]

I am not usually one to say this, but maybe quitting this job is your only option. It obviously isn't healthy continuing to put yourself through this. I also don't think there is a magic solution to help you (MDMA might, but it's illegal). Maybe it's not your time to pursue a retail job at the moment. You might be able to get back into retail at a later stage, but for now you need to concentrate on a job that will be healthy for you. Don't ignore the signs your body are giving you, they are there for a reason and that reason may not be known until you investigate other options.

 

[Frazy91]

Maybe, but ive gone through a few attempts at jobs now, working at someones own small business, working in it support over the phone, and now retail. I cant really afford to just quit, i really dont know what else i can do.

 

[twiggle]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way about your job.

I used to have a job I hated too, I never felt invited to the work drinks and used to get really paranoid, so I can relate to the feeling of never wanting to go to work.

In a way, a workplace is a form of solitary confinement. You know that once you get to work, thats it, you're there for the whole day, and you go from being a human being with feelings and hobbies to being a machine, there just to do a job.

I don't think you should quit this job. I think you need to stick it out and work through it. You have a friend there already - that's a huge bonus - make the most of it. Share your feelings with your friend, if they care about you enough to find you a job, I'm sure that they care enough about you to help you through this as well. It will be good for you to have a form of support in the workplace who you can turn to, who knows you and who can help you.

I was feeling awful in the aforementioned job and then this new girl started and we got on really, really well. Eventually I felt able to tell her my feelings and worries about our office and she understood and instantly I began to feel a whole lot better in the workplace because I knew that I wasn't alone.

Also - have you thought about what it is in particular that you don't like about the workplace? Have all of your previous forms of employment been similar assignments? It would be worth trying to locate what it is that sets you off. You mention people coming into work - so is it customers who you feel panicked around? Try and record down in a notepad the moments you feel like this and see if you can notice any common trends. Once you have done this, you may begin to have more of an idea about what you like and dislike in the workplace, and have more of an idea about what type of environment you want to work in.

Once you have an idea of this, you'll have a bit more focus and direction and can look for things that sound more "you". Perhaps you'd prefer to work from home? If so - look at ways in which you can do this.

Stick with the current job for a while - if you flit around too much between jobs you'll just keep getting unsettled with each new office. See this job as a challenge which you need to get through, rather than something you should try and evade.

 

[deleted user 1]

Does anyone have any ideas of an occupation that is really good for SAD sufferers? I don't care what it is, I just really need one urgently

 

[Frazy91]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way about your job.

I used to have a job I hated too, I never felt invited to the work drinks and used to get really paranoid, so I can relate to the feeling of never wanting to go to work.

In a way, a workplace is a form of solitary confinement. You know that once you get to work, thats it, you're there for the whole day, and you go from being a human being with feelings and hobbies to being a machine, there just to do a job.

I don't think you should quit this job. I think you need to stick it out and work through it. You have a friend there already - that's a huge bonus - make the most of it. Share your feelings with your friend, if they care about you enough to find you a job, I'm sure that they care enough about you to help you through this as well. It will be good for you to have a form of support in the workplace who you can turn to, who knows you and who can help you.

I was feeling awful in the aforementioned job and then this new girl started and we got on really, really well. Eventually I felt able to tell her my feelings and worries about our office and she understood and instantly I began to feel a whole lot better in the workplace because I knew that I wasn't alone.

Also - have you thought about what it is in particular that you don't like about the workplace? Have all of your previous forms of employment been similar assignments? It would be worth trying to locate what it is that sets you off. You mention people coming into work - so is it customers who you feel panicked around? Try and record down in a notepad the moments you feel like this and see if you can notice any common trends. Once you have done this, you may begin to have more of an idea about what you like and dislike in the workplace, and have more of an idea about what type of environment you want to work in.

Once you have an idea of this, you'll have a bit more focus and direction and can look for things that sound more "you". Perhaps you'd prefer to work from home? If so - look at ways in which you can do this.

Stick with the current job for a while - if you flit around too much between jobs you'll just keep getting unsettled with each new office. See this job as a challenge which you need to get through, rather than something you should try and evade.

Really good post thank you, well yes, its completely the customers that freak me out. The problem is, finding a job that you dont have to talk to anyone in, is extremely rare. I did a support over the phone job, the talking to people on the phone was the problem. Now in a shop, the talking to customers, and the sheer prospect of anyone could walk in at any time, means im terrified, heart beating fast, for literally 9 hours a day.

Id just love a job where someone says, heres a load of stuff, do it during the day, and ill let you do it on your own, away from anyone.

 

[da_illest101]

i know how you feel, I have been working at the same place for 3 years. I never had depression until i started working. i work in customer service i hate it like you have no idea, i'm a student so finding a part time job with 10 or so hours, that has no social relation, is almost imposible. All i want is to work for a small company where i do the paper work and don't have little to no social interation

 

[Frazy91]

i know how you feel, I have been working at the same place for 3 years. I never had depression until i started working. i work in customer service i hate it like you have no idea, i'm a student so finding a part time job with 10 or so hours, that has no social relation, is almost imposible. All i want is to work for a small company where i do the paper work and don't have little to no social interation

I feel for you, customer service was my previous job, and everything you said relates to how i felt, and how i feel now. And even though i was depressed before working, no way near to the extremes that i am now.

I had a work trial at a bar in between jobs, 30 minutes into the trial, i was fighting to keep going so much but tears literally were falling out my eyes and i couldnt do a thing to stop them. Boss saw, told me to go home and think if its really what i want to do if its going to make me this unhappy.

And i know this makes me look selfish, cause im not wealthy, but my family helps me keep going and theyre amazing. Some people dont get any help and are forced to work stupidly long days all week. And here i am complaining about 27 hours a week. Its stupid and i should just get on with it cause im way too lucky in my life.

 

[twiggle]

Really good post thank you, well yes, its completely the customers that freak me out. The problem is, finding a job that you dont have to talk to anyone in, is extremely rare. I did a support over the phone job, the talking to people on the phone was the problem. Now in a shop, the talking to customers, and the sheer prospect of anyone could walk in at any time, means im terrified, heart beating fast, for literally 9 hours a day.

Id just love a job where someone says, heres a load of stuff, do it during the day, and ill let you do it on your own, away from anyone.

Ok - this is good! You've identified what it is you don't like about the job. That's half the solution sorted.

I don't blame you for wanting a job where you don't have to talk to anyone. To be honest that sounds exactly like what I wanted when I was in the job I hated. I just wanted to work quietly, to myself, and not be expected to join in with office banter or feel like I have to be some kind of exciting character to brighten up everybody else's day. People said I was too quiet at first, and that immediately made me feel even more shy, because I felt pressurised to talk. I just wanted to sit and get on with the work and think happy thoughts about my life outside of work undisturbed.

So - you're not alone in what you want from a workplace. And there ARE jobs out there where you CAN have that independance, but you just need to find them.

I don't know your professional background but have you tried registering with a temping agency? Its their job to look for a job that's right for YOU. Tell them that you'd prefer something with less contact with others. Its not an uncommon preference and you mustn't feel bad about saying it - put yourself and your happiness first - you'll be a much more efficient worker if you're doing something that you feel more at ease doing. I see you're working in retail at the moment - I'm sure you could find an admin job with similar pay that gives you more privacy. For one of my temporary assignments they made me sit in a room and file through a whole load of papers, alone, for £9 an hour. Now to most, that would be mundane, but as it came after the job I'd hated, it was HEAVEN to me.

I'm sure you can find something simillar - just don't be afraid to state your preferences

 

[Frazy91]

No way does that sound mundane to me. I was actually hired on this job as admin assistant, and i like the admin bits, just not the talking to people bits. And i can never relax and feel happy with the work cause theres always that thought, that someone could walk through the door at any second.

 

[danstelter]

The real world, and most of the jobs in it, suck. I was at the point where you are at one time in my life, and it was difficult to get out.

For me, it turned out I was in the wrong career track -computers- so I made a switch to social work. It's not without its stresses, but I do enjoy getting up and going to work most days. Eventually, my true goal is to be an entrepreneur because working a job is just not what I want to do. Jobs are for people who don't want to think for themselves, IMO.

Quitting may be a good idea, but only if you've got some way to support yourself, and if that is your parents, well then that is okay while you figure out what you want to do. Try different jobs from what you are doing, and try jobs that work well for shy people. If you're in customer service or a job where you have to work with stressed and frustrated people all the time, you're probably in the wrong place. In my case, I changed work to working as a therapist for autistic children, and that really helped my well-being a ton because helping people is what I love to do.

Think about some other jobs or ways to work from home or online, and see if one of those doesn't work out better for you.