It's not the words you speak...

[philly2bits]

But the emotions you create. This is the most important part of any conversation.

What emotions do you want to engender in the other party(ies)? Do you want them to like you? Do you want them to hate you? Do you want them to think you're interesting?

Do you want them to think you are smart? Do you want them to think you are dumb? Do you want them to have have pity? Do you want them to join your cause? Do you want to inform them? Do you want to ridicule them?

In the end, these questions and many others must be answered before we speak any words. It is selfish, but all too relevant. What do you hope to gain by talking with other people? Are your words spoken for you, or for them?

 

[dottie]

that is a great quote... something i need to remind myself of.

 

[Shyangel]

I speak to reassure people, I think... I don't think people want to hear every time they say something about how I agree with them and understand what they'er saying, I mean, there not at a psychiatrist. This seems to be the only way I interact with people. I think because I'm so insecure that I think other's need reassurance to. I don't know way...

 

[Little Miss Muffet]

But the emotions you create. This is the most important part of any conversation.

What emotions do you want to engender in the other party(ies)? Do you want them to like you? Do you want them to hate you? Do you want them to think you're interesting?

Do you want them to think you are smart? Do you want them to think you are dumb? Do you want them to have have pity? Do you want them to join your cause? Do you want to inform them? Do you want to ridicule them?

In the end, these questions and many others must be answered before we speak any words. It is selfish, but all too relevant. What do you hope to gain by talking with other people? Are your words spoken for you, or for them?

This Is a good thread!!
I want people to know I am interested in them. Thats what i want to get across.

Doing an NLP course at the moment where we practice many things including conversations. Was really hard first day and I cried but went back in the room because I need to face this - if i keep running away I will never get anywhere, I said to the teacher talking is so f---ing painful. In active listening - its not just what people say, its tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.
This course though painful at first is really helping.