Issues

[Tempus35]

Sorry once again for a long post, sadly this is the only place I seem to have to rant and to seek advice.

So I have been having a lot of anxiety of late again, I have found I have less than two weeks till summer sessions at college, and that if I am going to go back I have to go to them, long story short, I messed up last semester due to a major depressive issue, and have to reapply for a lot of things, doing summer makes it easier to get in again and I can get some gen eds done, plus hold off loans. The anxiety is building though because I still haven't gotten financial aid to reinstate me, and till they do I cant push for housing etc. Besides that I have no will to pack up and move in less then 2 weeks, let alone start getting up at set times again and going to classes. And above all that I am freaking out that I will mess it all up again, get kicked out of college, and owe like $60k to the government which I can get rid of and which means I would have to have a full time job and sleep in my moms basement for years more. At the moment my degree is still listed as Physics, I am having doubts there though, mainly because I can never get myself to put in the work to understand much, I sleep to much, miss classes, and dont study well. Basically it is some how, which I have no clue how, ramp up my self and fix all that, or find something less demanding. Out of that the only thing that might if is Computer Science, mainly because I know computers to a decent degree already, so it would be less I would be learning. Still would have work to do though. But I am doubting that too. It doesn't help that I have no clue what I want to do in life. At this moment if it wasn't for the huge debt over my head, I would drop out of college for now, find a part-time job, save money, and find what I want. But at the moment getting a job is daunting enough, let alone how hard it is at the moment. But I would have to start paying some $500 a month starting mid summer. By going back to college, I am holding off paying the loans, and if I complete it, opening myself to better jobs in which I can pay them off after better, ironically they would be about $30k or so more then what they are now. The big anxiety issue under it all though is if I will be able to complete it. I have my doubt to even being able to do that with computer science. And the ambitions within my mind are so high, that I never can live up to them, and computer science wouldn't put me that close, even a bachelors in physics wouldn't really, but it would be closer.

What am I to do, as the saying goes, "Stuck between a rock and a hard place". Do I have what it takes to complete college? Everyone tells me I am smart and can, but I don't think I am. I cant unlock the hold that depression has on me when it comes to energy levels, something that is affecting to much. And to make it all worse, I have only a few friends, most of which I wont see often, and by next year will be down to 1 I know in that city, and he will be busy to much to do much. I will be alone, or worse yet with some random stranger that is stupid in an apartment on campus. I will have to get a part time job on again while at school, just to get food....

I am sorry I am letting my thoughts run again, and I am ranting about many things I have before. I just wish I had answers, and it is causing me to stay up to late at night worrying, making my sleep schedule even more messed up.

 

[Richey]

{1} take a day or two to sit down and think about what would make you the most happy as a career and a lifestyle, not what will make you the most money or please others...if you come up with 5 careers, practice each one for an entire week ...so that means researching the content of each career choice intensley in your spare time ...after the 5 weeks see which career interests you the most and makes you feel excited, go with that ..

{2} if you don't want to carry on with the uni degree see if its possible to bail out with the loan if its early on in the course ..if you are in the second year and its a three-five years course, see if you can just pay what you've studied to that date in small payments ..if you are near the end then you may as well continue ...

{3} student loans are a 50-50 in terms of everything going smoothly up until graduation and a job position ...it isn't always that easy, so a loan for any course is a HUGE decision and commitment to make, you said you're not sure what you wanted to do now, this is worrying in the realm of universities, but you may be able to transfer or add another course and split your courses down, i'm not entirely sure how it works, good luck and just ask some people for advice even in an email if needed .. ...

{4} 2 year Diploma courses are a good alternative to a Degree as they give you decent accreditation and it throws you into more practical scenarios of a chosen subject ...its also alot less individual then university, so you learn alot more from students and you have mentors/teachers available for help all the time...they can be even better then a uni course but obviously not as regarded as a degree especially in big companies..diplomas are also rather cheap compared to a degree but you still learn a skill..

{5} you are not alone, there are alot of students in similar situations ...
so there is going to be plenty of great advice for you to turn things around ...

 

[redski]

I cannot give you any more advice then the guy above.
I have kind of been a struggling student also doing computer science.
For me its the time. I do not have to rely on loans but if I do drop out
then I will just regret it because all the time that I have wasted when I could
have been doing something else. That is what basically keeps me going.

 

[Kat]

Yes, don’t plan your life completely around anxiety. I know it does limit us, even if we try to push forward. If you chose to do it long distance it’s still better than nothing. What, Richey said is a good idea. I, also think computer science would be a good choice.