Rainman
Well-known member
Hi,
I use to lurk on these boards a time ago, when I was jobless, house-bound. At the time, I could identify with all other SAers, but didn't really know how bad I was, or whether I suffered from SA at all or a case of lack of social skills and shyness. I did not go the psychotherapist route, instead I tried finding a job, in hope that I can start afresh and make friends at work.
So anyway, I've recently got a job, and all of my team have started together - So were all new. It has barely been a few days, and I am already isolated from the team. I have been teased, my opinions have been ignored, I have been talked over, excluded from conversations and I am talked about in the third person right in front of me.
I thought I was just being paranoid at first. I was noticing how the rest of them were regularly talking amongst each other and how much they seemed to be enjoying it. Whereas, when they talked to me, despite my efforts to smile, make eye contact and laugh, they were being awkard with me. They were talking to me as if I was inadequate.
The worst situation was, when a conversation I had started, got the group talking, but funnily enough had me excluded. If I made an effort to make one one one conversation with one of them, the answer wouldn't be to me, in fact they wouldn't even look at me, they would address it to the group.
At Lunch time, I was sitting alone, and nobody made an effort to talk to me. I tried to say something, but found I was being ignored. Now, after a few days, it's quite clear I am being isolated. Everything I say is challenged, questioned or even greeted with rolling eyes.
This just makes me realise just how bad my SA is and how much stigma SA carries, and unfortunately, how obvious it is to "normal" people. They had me worked out within hours.
What am I doing wrong? I have a made list of things, that has given me away to them:
* I have spoken too softly, that my voice has quivered and broken in sentence. Often causing them to ask for a clarification of what I said, which can trigger a lot of anxiety, and I end up saying it even worse and they look at me confused.
* I have not taken the opportunities to join in on their conversations
* I have been too nice, smiled too much, laughed at the wrong times
* I have been unable to communicate my opinions in a manner that would create interest or my opinions are just too different.
* I have let them violate my rights, without actually being aware that I am being put down.
* I have justified myself too much, thinking I must give an explanation for everything - Such as why I talk the way I do, why I do things the way I do.
* I have blushed, my facial expressions look stiff.
* I am trying too much to be a people pleaser.
A lot of this comes under assertiveness, something that I must hugely lack. But I really can't tell when my rights are being violated and how I should answer to it.
I want to know if you have similar experiences at work, and how do you deal with it?
I use to lurk on these boards a time ago, when I was jobless, house-bound. At the time, I could identify with all other SAers, but didn't really know how bad I was, or whether I suffered from SA at all or a case of lack of social skills and shyness. I did not go the psychotherapist route, instead I tried finding a job, in hope that I can start afresh and make friends at work.
So anyway, I've recently got a job, and all of my team have started together - So were all new. It has barely been a few days, and I am already isolated from the team. I have been teased, my opinions have been ignored, I have been talked over, excluded from conversations and I am talked about in the third person right in front of me.
I thought I was just being paranoid at first. I was noticing how the rest of them were regularly talking amongst each other and how much they seemed to be enjoying it. Whereas, when they talked to me, despite my efforts to smile, make eye contact and laugh, they were being awkard with me. They were talking to me as if I was inadequate.
The worst situation was, when a conversation I had started, got the group talking, but funnily enough had me excluded. If I made an effort to make one one one conversation with one of them, the answer wouldn't be to me, in fact they wouldn't even look at me, they would address it to the group.
At Lunch time, I was sitting alone, and nobody made an effort to talk to me. I tried to say something, but found I was being ignored. Now, after a few days, it's quite clear I am being isolated. Everything I say is challenged, questioned or even greeted with rolling eyes.
This just makes me realise just how bad my SA is and how much stigma SA carries, and unfortunately, how obvious it is to "normal" people. They had me worked out within hours.
What am I doing wrong? I have a made list of things, that has given me away to them:
* I have spoken too softly, that my voice has quivered and broken in sentence. Often causing them to ask for a clarification of what I said, which can trigger a lot of anxiety, and I end up saying it even worse and they look at me confused.
* I have not taken the opportunities to join in on their conversations
* I have been too nice, smiled too much, laughed at the wrong times
* I have been unable to communicate my opinions in a manner that would create interest or my opinions are just too different.
* I have let them violate my rights, without actually being aware that I am being put down.
* I have justified myself too much, thinking I must give an explanation for everything - Such as why I talk the way I do, why I do things the way I do.
* I have blushed, my facial expressions look stiff.
* I am trying too much to be a people pleaser.
A lot of this comes under assertiveness, something that I must hugely lack. But I really can't tell when my rights are being violated and how I should answer to it.
I want to know if you have similar experiences at work, and how do you deal with it?