Is life worth it?

[Roads]

Hi, I'm a 21 year old male from the US. I've been depressed for basically all my life. I've always been alone, never really had any friends. I was the kid who sat alone at lunch.

Always felt like going to college would be a great experience and I'd meet lots of people and have lots of fun. But so far its been 2 and a half years of social isolation, depression and sadness.

My family hates me, they think I'm gay because I've never had a girlfriend(been rejected dozens of times, ive given up), and every time i see them they just try to get me to 'admit' that I'm gay. Its fucking retarded.

I just recently stopped accutane which ended the acne ive had since 12 years old. My face is pretty nasty, and i'm not afraid to admit that I'm a man that wears makeup. I have some minor gynecomastia(puffy nipples) which has also destroyed my confidence over the years. I also have palmer hyperhidrosis which doesnt help life at all.

I used to trust in God, used to believe people when they said "life gets better", but its just been a lie. I don't follow religion any more.

One thing that really bothers me is the girlfriend thing. There has never been a girl interested in me. I know a lot of it has to do with my height(im 5'7", which apparently is too short to date in the US).

I do go to therapy, and I've been on anti depressants, but none of it really helps honestly. Sometimes I feel okay, but my quality of life never improves, and the future is always dim. If anything, the years of therapy i've been in have shown me that I really DON'T belong in this world.

I've accepted the fact that I'll never have a girlfriend, and also accepted that my life won't get better. I've attempted suicide before in the past, and plan to do so again with a more permanent method. I'm not really sure why I'm posting here, maybe just searching for a reason to live i guess, maybe just searching for someone to make me believe my life is worth living.

-James

 

[ljwwriter]

Of course life is worth it! We may be suffering now, but just think, in a hundred years we'll all be...oh wait. Nevermind.

 

[ripewithdecay]

I know what you're feeling.
What are your hobbies? What is it you're really fond of in this world?
Try to dig deep as far as you can to find the answer, and that is the reason to keep living.
Don't base your feelings off of not being able to get a girlfriend.
They're not easy to get in your current frame of mind, actually it's pretty much impossible. I can't find one either. But you just have to worry about that later when you're feeling better about yourself.

 

[Aramid]

Life doesn't end when your primary goals are not met. You need to be confident and I know you have strengths that can make you happy. You need to find those strengths and use it. It is also good if you accept what you are not. Imperfections are always there within us. I admit that I am not handsome and not happy with my complexion but who cares? I want to be loved for who I am and who I am not. The depression and limitations you have are just tests to improve your endurance to future problems. Life is never easy it takes a lot of things to be a better person.

Love your self and feel good all the time. It is difficult but not all things are easy anymore.

 

[Digitaldreams]

Hi James,

I'd be glad to try to offer you some help but what I have to say would take too long and is a bit too complex for a forum. If you want to talk to me,feel free to write to me.

 

[uninspired_lady]

Honestly......you just described my life! its freaky!...at least im not the only one and there are more people that feel this way. i can't even give you advice...cuz i can't even help myself

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Hi, I really feel for you right now as much of what you have described relates to me. I never had a girlfriend until the age of 30 so please don't give up as you are still very young and much can change for you in the future. Perhaps you need to see you doctor who could prescribe alternative meds. Try and take one day at a time and don't blame yourself for the situation you are in. Life is definitely not easy for some of us, but we must try and find a way through our problems. Try and shake things up a little if you can - it could lead you in a whole new direction. Please don't give up on yourself, you are a valuable human being and nobody else is any better (or worse) than you just remember that.

I would also recommend that you take up running as I have been told that this is extremely good for many people suffering from depression. Running could be something that you could control in your life and give you a sense of purpose, get you fitter and raise your self esteem a little. Good luck and I hope this will be of some use to you. PM me any time you like.

 

[Ken]

Life is worth it if you give meaning to your life. Find something to accomplish with your life and your life will have meaning. I know that is a lot easier said than done but hey what do you have to lose by trying to accomplish something. 8)

 

[Roads]

Yeah, I actually workout quit a bit Cobalt. I spend probably about 10 hours a week on fitness, and am in pretty good shape, better shape than 90% of men my age.

I do know what my strengths are, I actually play guitar(played for about 8 years) in an original band, and write the music and lyrics( i dont want to do any shameless self promotion ahha, but if you guys want ill link it). But it doesn't really make me happy, and music has never really gotten me anywhere. In fact, being involved in local music has been a really negative and disappointing experience. And no, people who play in bands do NOT get laid more easily.

 

[SocialButterSlip]

same here dude, but you seem to have to have it worst, just hang on? your parents are evil.

 

[Roads]

SocialButterSlip, if I could ask, why hang on? A lot of people tell me that, and I don't really understand the reason?

 

[Volaju]

I can relate, having one succesfull relationship ,even if it's months can be a sign (for yourself) that there is hope or whatever. But being denied everything even when you are fighting can get tiresome..and then you end up like yourself saying :"what am i fighting for?"

Holding on responses are bullshit, and are only said when no one really knows the answer. The problem is, one answer can't be right for everyone..some lives are really sh1t and it does not matter if you fight. Free Will? Only an illusion, even if you meet someone the social phobia or Apd that defines you will make it harder to get anyone= free will?

Hardly, Some will not succeed..it happens man and others will. I've said the same in another (suicide) thread, it's all blind chance.

So now my real answer, is life worth it? From my point of view, it is not. Give me the choice to never been born, i would've taken in a sec...Consciousness between two oblivions is not a big deal and ultimately like i said before, it won't matter what you do here..suffer more and stay alive and see what happens..or stop playing 21 and cash out.

(disclaimer: in no way i'm recommending suicide, only that i'm pro-choice)

 

[phoenix1]

Hi roads,

I've felt that way many times. What's helped me over the years is to stop trying to be normal or like everyone else. I've come to accept that I've very different from most people. Physically, mentally and in every way possible. Being different does not mean you are have to be isolated or alone..you really just have to be more creative. Think of it as a challenge...be it a difficult one, but such is life anyway. Maybe instead of trying to go the 'cool' standard dating route thats reserved for the spectacularly ordinary, try finding people through interest specific clubs like music or whatever other interests you have. Maybe try connecting to more people online. There are plenty of online meeting and dating type sites that are becoming more normal than real life dating. The point is that you don't have to be like everyone else, you don't have to date like everyone else, and you certainly don't have to feel bad if you choose your own wacky path to life in your own way.

 

[cool-un-cool]

I can't speak for your case, but let me tell you what pathetic really is. I'm 21, never had a female ever remotely interested in me, I am a cripple, girls have asked me if I am dead from the waist down, I stay in my apartment 24/7 and live with my mother, never had a job, have TERRIBLE acne, and at this point just generally don't give a shit about anything. I've had painful, humiliating surgeries since I was a child, and have no idea what success is, and I am known as "the human fuck up."

 

[phoenix1]

Double post.

 

[SunnySun]

I know what feeling worthless is like. We really are responsible for our own life. We have to work at not letting other people get us down. It's how we deal with people's comment that helps us deal with life better. It's not perfect, and there are jerks out there to even the nicest people. The key is not to let those jerks the big picture of life.

If you have wanted to attend college, why not go and take one or a few classes? The key is to just start. If there's nothing better to do, but you have some passion for college, just go.

You can take classes online if you want, but my concern is that it'll leave you stuck at home. Although, it's better than nothing. It'll give you a purpose to live for.

You should read books like Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway or The Road Less Traveled or such books and it might give you a bit of a nudge to help you change your life.

If you can or when you can, move out on your own. Make goals. I know they are not easy to do, but it'll give you some purpose to your life. Maybe volunteer?

If you do exercise, why not work at the gym? You can get a short term certificate on weight training, etc. that can get you working at the gym.

It's true that we all need to stop being like everyone else. It sucks when people tell me I am too quiet. I talk when there's something of value to talk about, and I don't feel that I need to talk to them constantly. I feel forced when I confuse myself with what other people think I should do. When I am myself, it's better. If I think I need to change something, then it's my problem to consider changing that. It's not perfect, but I try to be myself because people don't know exactly what the other person is feeling like.

If therapy is not working, I would advice changing therapists.

 

[Roads]

I attend a state university. I live on my own. I workout in a gym.

I've actually read Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, and I can't really say it had a big impact on me.

My problem is not social anxiety, my problem is not inability to meet or communicate with people. The problem is those persons interest in me. Specifically girls. Girls just don't like me, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm a good looking guy, intelligent, talented, independent, educated. But girls are not interested in me "in that way". I have no problem talking to them, honestly. they just don't like me.

personally, I believe a lot of that stems from my height(5'7"). I know how important height of a man is to women, and I know I don't meet the bare minimum for a huge majority of girls out there.

I know that I would feel ALOT better about my life if just one girl, even one that wasnt that attractive, would show some interest in me.

btw, therapy doesnt work because therapy is worthless, it accomplishes nothing. I've gone through 6 therapists in the last 3 years, and most of them were content with trying to trick me into accepting my life for what it is and that its "okay". I'm tired of being on anti depressants and "forced" to feel happy when its NOT okay for someone to be happy in this kind of situation.

I do have goals for myself. I have a lot of goals related to fitness, my education, etc etc. but I don't feel accomplishing those goals means anything to me. I don't feel any satisfaction in accomplishing education or career goals, and frankly, none of it means anything to me because I'm just traveling through life all alone. And even with the goals, I don't feel my life has a "purpose" without some form of female companionship.

 

[Danfalc]

personally, I believe a lot of that stems from my height(5'7"). I know how important height of a man is to women, and I know I don't meet the bare minimum for a huge majority of girls out there.

I dont think girls would not find you attractive because of your height... 5,7 isnt really that short... im 22 and only like 5,4 8O Tho its discouraging that no girls have counter claimed this :lol:

I know it does matter to some girls,some life to feel protected i guess and when you only come up to there chest we dont fill that criteria lol.I just dont think your in the right place at the moment and thats why.Dont really have anything else to say except i can really relate to not feeling like you have any reason to be here.I think your doing so well tho even tho you feel like this,i mean you go to a gym college ect you must have strong willpower.I know that doesnt solve ya problems

But id say life is worth it because if its female companionship you feel your missing,you never know when you might meet someone

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[Danfalc]

In a word, YES. Life is totally worth every ounce of happiness, loneliness and angst. Why? Because ALL of us put on this earth should be grateful for being alive and for beingnable to experience all the wonders of human existence. Lol. Absolutely nobody is "perfect", we are all flawed in some way and go through varying amounts of shit during our prescious lifetimes. You don't need to rely on God or religion to get you through stuff...just believe in yourself and be safe in the knowledge that one day, everything will fall into place and things will be better, 'cause there's really no telling what the future holds is there?

Dont wanna hijack this thread.. and i totaly agree with everything your saying btw just so ya dont think im picking an argument .But when you get to the point of seriously considering if its worth being here its hard to just believe in yourself.Its hard to say things will to fall into place eventualy when your missing the best years of ya life already (or thats how you feel anwyay) and thats what youve been telling yourself since you was a kid.We should be gratefull for being alive and all the privelages we have.

But sometimes we dont and cant,sometimes you get that low you cant cry or laugh... you know somthing is funny but it just doesnt affect you.You cant enjoy things even if you wanted to,we dont feel gratefull for alive and honestly wish we wasnt... your heart turns cold.What do we do then? I guess theres no magic answer to this question otherwise it wouldnt be a problem And apart from obvious things like the doctor and medication.Its not even a case of posative thinking anymore... because its not a case of feeling negative about somthing... its a case of feeling nothing,being empty.