Is it possible to stop feeling like a loser?

[Rumplestiltskin]

You’re a loser, and it shows. Your clothes, your stiff posture, your fearful look. People notice. And, of course, they don’t approve. No one likes a loser.

They don’t want anything to do with you. You know they don’t want to be seen anywhere near you, so you don’t even try to impose yourself on them.

People will tell you you just need to pretend you’re normal. You will try, but it won’t work. You can’t appear confident if you’re insecure. You can’t be confident if you’re a loser.

You didn’t decide to be a loser. Circumstances forced you to become one, so only a change in circumstances could help you get out of it all. You don’t quite have a say in that, though.

So the fact remains that you’re a loser. Now, what are you gonna do about it?

Well, not much. After all, you don’t get to decide what you are.
_______

Anyone agree? Is it even possible to stop feeling like a loser if you positively know you are one?

 

[Kiwong]

I get out and do things I enjoy in my own company, where it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

[Sacrament]

Well, not much. After all, you don’t get to decide what you are.
_______

Anyone agree? Is it even possible to stop feeling like a loser if you positively know you are one?

Of course you do. You said it yourself, your clothes, your posture, etc. If you look and feel like a loser, then you become one. If you were to dress better, take better care of yourself (brush your hair or get a nice haircut, trim your beard, go for a run every other day, etc), and learn how to feel better about yourself, then that's what you become: confident, independant, attractive. If you are what you believe, then if you believe you're a loser, you'll act like one and look like one too.

You don't know you're a loser, you just convince yourself that you are. You are whatever you tell yourself you are repeatedly and consistently.

 

[S_Spartan]

Isn't the world becoming a more and more boring place because so many people are pretending to be normal?

 

[BlackPuma]

Perspective helps a lot, though that has to be found and then slowly evolved, not given.

I myself gain a lot of support from the philosophy that I'm a survivor of circumstance, not the victim of it. While true that suffering and insecurity is a daily occurrence, and that I've become more eccentric than the vast majority of people know what to do with, at the very least I got the chance to improve where I see fit, and I also get to take solace in the fact that I've made it this far regardless of hardship.

I'm by no means successful or popular, but I don't consider myself a loser. Primarily because life is not a game to be lost or won, its a span of time in which experiences occur. Experiences defined, amongst other things, by one's perspective.

If my judgement of others don't affect or define them - why should theirs affect or define me? If others choose to occupy this unique span of time on petty games along linear rules of success, I don't feel obligated to follow them.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

You didn’t decide to be a loser. Circumstances forced you to become one, so only a change in circumstances could help you get out of it all. You don’t quite have a say in that, though.

So the fact remains that you’re a loser. Now, what are you gonna do about it?

Well, not much. After all, you don’t get to decide what you are.
_______

Anyone agree? Is it even possible to stop feeling like a loser if you positively know you are one?

Create your own circumstances. Set up situations where you can win. Challenge yourself and succeed at the challenges. Set goals and meet them. These things need not be about socializing at all.

Practice for an obstacle course run for months and try to get a good time. Learn a practical skill, like cooking or gardening (even indoor plants). A good meal or a beautiful plant is a success. Explore playing instruments or some other form of art to see if you have any aptitude, then develop that talent so that you can create things and say 'this is a thing I have made!'

Small victories over and over actually will start to rewire your brain. You do have to give yourself the chance to win though, and you have to slog through the difficulties and frustrations--otherwise the winning has no satisfaction to it; no impact.

 

[Hoppy]

I read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane.

At every stage in your life you will feel like some sort of a loser, no matter who you are or how good you are.

The only important thing is how you are going to cope with it.

I recommend reading the book.