allergic2kryptonit
Active member
My question: is anybody truly just happy and enjoying life, or is everyone in the same boat - worried, confused, trying to keep distracted as not to fall into depression???
Is anybody happy???
- Thread starter allergic2kryptonit
- Start date
someoneelse
Active member
I am happy I think. I would say I have the same worries and am confused at times as others. Everyone has worries. Overall I am happy despite some difficulties. Maybe I am the only one to say that though.
Keara
Member
I have not been very happy lately, kind of glum and negative. I'm feeling like i'm disconnecting from the world again and like if I don't get around the right people soon I will be depressed and miserable again. I'm very happy and cheerful sometimes though, it seems to depend on who i'm spending time with.
I'm generally happy. It's important to look at the big things in life - health, wealth, family etc. It's really tempting to be ego-centric and think "god I'm depressed" but sometimes we need to step back and re-evaulate things from an objective (and perhaps healthy) viewpoint. I always feel really guilty when I'm having a bad period and I switch on the TV and see some malnourished African kid, or families that lost their homes during Katrina. It's then that I think what a self-absorbed asshole I'm being and that I have no right to be indulging in negative thoughts which is basically a luxury problem compared to what people in Rwanda are going through. And despite that, a depression can still seem just as bad as being in the midst of famine. It's funny how mental problems really fuck up your priorities.
maude_lynn
Member
Kinetik said:
I disagree, and find that a bit offensive, actually.
I don't think depression is necessarily an ego-centric thing at all. In fact, I think anyone with any degree of awareness of the world around them is bound to feel depressed.
Horatio
Well-known member
despite my whinging from time to time I truly am happy and enjoying life
living life as an adventure makes it all worthwhile, never knowing what will happen next or where things will take you. All good adventures have their dramas, storms, rough seas, whirlwind romances, dangerous situations etc but it wouldnt be an adventure without all that.
I think one of the important steps towards happiness is gaining the ability to distinguish between happiness and other emotions such as lonliness, frustration, confusion etc.
sure you might be lonely... but identify that as being lonliness and not pure unhappiness. likewise things can be very frustrating, hair tearingly so (especially when your dealing with things your not used to) but dont confuse that for unhappiness... unhappiness isn't a helpful emotion in this context. it is all too easy to see unhappiness as overwhelming... a situation that can't be helped. emotions such as lonliness and frustration are more focused and therfore less of a hurdle when you try to tackle them
I think one of the key difficulties with depression is that like unhappiness it is too easy to fall right into it, lose track of its boundaries, being unable to specify exactly what the problem is. an all encompassing darkness is almost impossible to try to tackle all at once.
so yeah... I still get lonely, confused and probably more frustrated now than before things started improving in my life but instead of allowing myself to see that as unhappiness I identify it as all part of the adventure
living life as an adventure makes it all worthwhile, never knowing what will happen next or where things will take you. All good adventures have their dramas, storms, rough seas, whirlwind romances, dangerous situations etc but it wouldnt be an adventure without all that.
I think one of the important steps towards happiness is gaining the ability to distinguish between happiness and other emotions such as lonliness, frustration, confusion etc.
sure you might be lonely... but identify that as being lonliness and not pure unhappiness. likewise things can be very frustrating, hair tearingly so (especially when your dealing with things your not used to) but dont confuse that for unhappiness... unhappiness isn't a helpful emotion in this context. it is all too easy to see unhappiness as overwhelming... a situation that can't be helped. emotions such as lonliness and frustration are more focused and therfore less of a hurdle when you try to tackle them
I think one of the key difficulties with depression is that like unhappiness it is too easy to fall right into it, lose track of its boundaries, being unable to specify exactly what the problem is. an all encompassing darkness is almost impossible to try to tackle all at once.
so yeah... I still get lonely, confused and probably more frustrated now than before things started improving in my life but instead of allowing myself to see that as unhappiness I identify it as all part of the adventure
Emma
Well-known member
I have my moments where I think I'm happy, but then I ruin it, It always seems within my reach and then it's snatched away......I feel right now that I have no hand to grasp, I'm just alone in the dark.....and it's cold and lonely here.
I'm waiting for the day when I will find happiness, and the day that someone will accept me with all my faults, and help me out of my dark place.
Then I'll be truely happy
I'm waiting for the day when I will find happiness, and the day that someone will accept me with all my faults, and help me out of my dark place.
Then I'll be truely happy
scatmantom
Well-known member
I'm very happy with my life at the moment. It could be alot better, but also alot worse. I live in a rich country, I have a great family, a good education and some good friends. I don't think there is a "happy life" formula as most people always want more than what they have, I think its better to appreicate what you have got than to long for things you cannot attain :wink:
Richey
Well-known member
i feel both happiness and depression, i can find myself enjoying a moment and forgetting all the problems i have ahead of me but there are a number of issues that get me down
im struggling with university and im uncertain as to whether ill pass this final year as of last week.........
im not happy with my body, im very skinny and i find that i hide from people because im anxious about that...going to the shops and seeing gorgeous people walking around everywhere, so im not satisfied with my appearance...i work out and exercise but i just look the same.
i barely talk to my parents because i live with verbally abusive parents and although i want to get to know my sister more, i find that she is quite snobish and so although i try to seek a relationship...its not working out
my friends just moved overseas and i havent made any new friends since then....
next year i could be on the streets if im not in full time work by january.
i feel like im spiralling down a hole, so fingers crossed in a few months ill be back with a completely different story to this
im struggling with university and im uncertain as to whether ill pass this final year as of last week.........
im not happy with my body, im very skinny and i find that i hide from people because im anxious about that...going to the shops and seeing gorgeous people walking around everywhere, so im not satisfied with my appearance...i work out and exercise but i just look the same.
i barely talk to my parents because i live with verbally abusive parents and although i want to get to know my sister more, i find that she is quite snobish and so although i try to seek a relationship...its not working out
my friends just moved overseas and i havent made any new friends since then....
next year i could be on the streets if im not in full time work by january.
i feel like im spiralling down a hole, so fingers crossed in a few months ill be back with a completely different story to this
maude_lynn
Member
A helpful quote:
"I'm no expert when it comes to happiness – I don't honestly think it's possible.
Unfortunately, comfort and contentment become the maximum goal, and these are attainable. It's important, I think, not to allow others to pressurize you, and it's important not to be intimidated. Most humans are just silly, and 95% of our daily activities are a complete waste of time anyway – so there's a strong likelihood that human existence itself is somewhat silly. Look, for example, at British television – ghastly.
Good ol' Mozzer.
"I'm no expert when it comes to happiness – I don't honestly think it's possible.
Unfortunately, comfort and contentment become the maximum goal, and these are attainable. It's important, I think, not to allow others to pressurize you, and it's important not to be intimidated. Most humans are just silly, and 95% of our daily activities are a complete waste of time anyway – so there's a strong likelihood that human existence itself is somewhat silly. Look, for example, at British television – ghastly.
Good ol' Mozzer.
maude_lynn said:
Well, I certainly didn't mean for that to be offensive. What I mean is that I think for the most part, a depression or anxiety is something we're afflicted with, but there's often a kind of self-pity percentage in there as well. That's why to me it seems to be at least partly self-indulgent, and that's the part I feel guilty about. I guess constantly being told "it's all in your head" makes you think it's all less of a valid concern than someone who has no food or water for example. Although I guess that's comparing apples to oranges.
maude_lynn
Member
Kinetik said:
Oh, I see what you mean. Of course there are always people with worse troubles, but that doesn't invalidate one's own problems, or make them any less real for the person experiencing them. I do feel terrible for people without enough food or water, but thinking about them doesn't cheer me up, it only makes me feel worse about the world in general. But guilt? Why should I feel guilty for feeling down? I have the right to feel the way I feel, and adding guilt into the mix certainly doesn't make things any better!
Self-pity certainly isn't constructive, so I guess we agree on that! But I dunno, I guess I just resent the implication that depression is something one can just "get over", like it's self-inflicted, or a choice, or easily overcome by just looking at the bright side of things. It suggests that a person struggling with depression is just whiny and weak and should really just get on with it.
Alexp
Well-known member
Well said, Maude_lynn. Depression can be considered a lot of things, but I think its unfair to think of it as selfish or ego-centric. Simply by thinking that, you can actually fuel some of the depression itself.
About the main question about happiness. I don’t want to offend anyone, but its my belief that sustainable happiness is more illusionary than real...and that goes for anyone.
Happiness is the feel good emotion that you feel when you are get what you want / achieve what you desire. Its temporary and its fleeting. Once you achieve that thing that made you happy, it will no longer make you happy after awhile and then your mind will search for something else to strive for that can make you temporarily happy (usually something bigger or better) . There’s really no state of happiness...even for people who have perfect lives - especially people who have perfect lives. The ones who get the most 'happiness' are the ones who are constantly striving and achieving from adversity, but even that is occasional and temporary and once you stop, the happiness will stop too....
'Happily ever after' is a load of crap...is there anyone out there that is actually is a happy permanent state? And I'm not talking about the people who always smile to the world and tell everyone that they are so happy, but then go home and cry in private.
Contentment is probably the most realistic goal. Simply to be content with your life and things around you.
About the main question about happiness. I don’t want to offend anyone, but its my belief that sustainable happiness is more illusionary than real...and that goes for anyone.
Happiness is the feel good emotion that you feel when you are get what you want / achieve what you desire. Its temporary and its fleeting. Once you achieve that thing that made you happy, it will no longer make you happy after awhile and then your mind will search for something else to strive for that can make you temporarily happy (usually something bigger or better) . There’s really no state of happiness...even for people who have perfect lives - especially people who have perfect lives. The ones who get the most 'happiness' are the ones who are constantly striving and achieving from adversity, but even that is occasional and temporary and once you stop, the happiness will stop too....
'Happily ever after' is a load of crap...is there anyone out there that is actually is a happy permanent state? And I'm not talking about the people who always smile to the world and tell everyone that they are so happy, but then go home and cry in private.
Contentment is probably the most realistic goal. Simply to be content with your life and things around you.
Alexp
Well-known member
I just want to say one more thing. It is easy to look at someone who is starving or in complete poverty and see how happy they get with a nice meal or a nice pair of shoes. It can make you feel guilty that your own problems arent as important..that you should be happier too with what you have...but I think its unfair to think of it like that.
When you have nothing, your happiness bar is virtually at the bottom too. Even if you got or achieved something very small, it would fill you with some temporary happiness. If that person continually got shoes and a good meal, then it would no longer make them happy after awhile and their happiness bar would raise with that too. They would then look for other things to make them happy.
I think its unfair to compare your happiness or sadness with anyone else - we are all on different levels and we are all striving for and dealing with different things.
When you have nothing, your happiness bar is virtually at the bottom too. Even if you got or achieved something very small, it would fill you with some temporary happiness. If that person continually got shoes and a good meal, then it would no longer make them happy after awhile and their happiness bar would raise with that too. They would then look for other things to make them happy.
I think its unfair to compare your happiness or sadness with anyone else - we are all on different levels and we are all striving for and dealing with different things.
allergic2kryptonit
Active member
alexp, that's well put! i think you may be a genius!!
i've been thinking A LOT lately about my life, and the problems i've had with anxiety and depression. i often wonder if these problems developed from too much self focus and just snowball in intensity???
also, i think lately that lack of self esteem has been a big issue in driving anxiety and depression. i think that certain treatment by my parents when i was young had a negative effect on me, and painted my thought patterns in a negative way. i had grown up thinking my parents didn't love me, and i think i "joined" them by not loving myself. it was ok for me to be mistreated and consequently, i've mistreated (even abused) myself. i still struggle with feeling angry and guilty about working against myself - but that's what i spent a lifetime doing... can anyone relate??
anyway, i'm trying to stop the endless analyzing of my past, so i can quit feeling badly about myself, and quit wasting time and energy!! but, i haven't figured out how to do that yet...things have been bad since the breakup of my latest relationship a couple months ago. i thought we would end up married, now she's dating someone else, and acts like she never cared about me?!?
i've been thinking A LOT lately about my life, and the problems i've had with anxiety and depression. i often wonder if these problems developed from too much self focus and just snowball in intensity???
also, i think lately that lack of self esteem has been a big issue in driving anxiety and depression. i think that certain treatment by my parents when i was young had a negative effect on me, and painted my thought patterns in a negative way. i had grown up thinking my parents didn't love me, and i think i "joined" them by not loving myself. it was ok for me to be mistreated and consequently, i've mistreated (even abused) myself. i still struggle with feeling angry and guilty about working against myself - but that's what i spent a lifetime doing... can anyone relate??
anyway, i'm trying to stop the endless analyzing of my past, so i can quit feeling badly about myself, and quit wasting time and energy!! but, i haven't figured out how to do that yet...things have been bad since the breakup of my latest relationship a couple months ago. i thought we would end up married, now she's dating someone else, and acts like she never cared about me?!?
I think happiness, or at least an approximation of it, requires having some clear goals AND being engaged in the pursuit of them with a reasonable hope of success. As long as an individual can feel absorbed by such activity, he/she will probably feel relatively happy or content. Personally that's what I feel I lack the most at the moment, a sense of purpose, a direction to go, and willingness and ability to go that way.
bentnbroken
Banned
i am not happy and have rarely experienced true happiness even in fleeting moments.
i think there are basic needs that most people have to have met in order to even be able to begin to know happiness. In addition to health, food, and shelter one must have a community of friends/family and a satisfactory mate. only at that point can one try to pursue goals that, if achieved, will create ongoing happiness. Some stress, a goal, successfull completion, happiness. But only if the first needs are met. In my case i've lived most of my life without basic needs being met. Now i struggle with the little things i can find and try to make the most of them. I know moments of happiness but they are the exception.
i think there are basic needs that most people have to have met in order to even be able to begin to know happiness. In addition to health, food, and shelter one must have a community of friends/family and a satisfactory mate. only at that point can one try to pursue goals that, if achieved, will create ongoing happiness. Some stress, a goal, successfull completion, happiness. But only if the first needs are met. In my case i've lived most of my life without basic needs being met. Now i struggle with the little things i can find and try to make the most of them. I know moments of happiness but they are the exception.